2) What movie should I watch that you think I haven’t seen?

3) What is the miracle cure I could use to ensure I am healthy in time to go to the Redskins/Broncos game on Sunday?

4) What two teams do you think are going to go to the Super Bowl this year?

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*
*

*

*

2) What is your favorite non-fiction book?

3) Name a book you just quit reading in the middle, something you just could not get through.*

4) Is there an author that you have read everything that he or she has written?**

5) What book made you laugh so hard you embarrassed yourself?

* I pretty much stole this idea from ‘Twas Brillig

** Assuming they have written more than one book.

1. How much does your tooth fairy pay for a tooth?*

2. If I admit to my kids that there is no tooth fairy does that automatically give up Santa Claus and the rest of those guys?

3. Do your kids read your blog? **

4. What are you reading?***

5. Are you as disgusted by Brett Favre and Michael Vick as I am?

* That was the important one.

** Assuming a) you have kids and b) they know how to read.

*** I mean, clearly you are reading my blog, right now, but what book or books are you reading? This has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that I am curious.

My first therapist’s name was Neil Diamond, but he didn’t wear sequins, didn’t bring me flowers, and most certainly did not turn on my heartlight…

I read a lot and not many books have me laughing out loud during the freaking prologue.*

The book is called Rage Against the Meshugenah: Why it Takes Balls to Go Nuts and it was written by one of my favorite writers, Danny Evans.

Yes, THAT Danny Evans. Dad Gone Mad, people. Another one of us bloggers has gone legit.

And Danny makes us look good.

The truth is that I have been a huge fan of his for a couple of years now and I would probably say nice things about his book even if it sucked, but I don’t have to.

I was a little concerned that a book about clinical depression would be a real downer. There are certain topics that hit close to home and “Rage” hit on a couple of these for me. For example, besides just being sports fans and bloggers Danny and I have something else in common, we both lost any faith we had (and by faith I mean a belief system, like me in the corner, me in the spotlight kind of faith) after a miscarriage.

We also have this in common:

I don’t like waking up. I like being awake, obviously, because that is when all the good sports are on TV. But the actual transition from sleep to alertness kind of bums me out.

See? I didn’t have to worry about anything written by Danny being a drag, even if it was a memoir about depression.

There was one thing I should have been concerned about. I should have been worried about reading “Rage Against the Meshugenah” in public. You see, I read the end of the book on the train home from New York. Not to ruin the book for you, but the part where his daughter is born made me cry. Not just a few tears, but the kind of crying where your nose runs and all the people on the train look at you funny and your husband is embarrassed because it probably looks like he did something to make you cry like that.

I assure you (and my fellow train passengers) that it was not Gabe, but Mr. Evans that was making me cry like that and then four minutes later making me laugh just as hard as I had previously cried so that I looked like either an asshole or like I was having the worlds worst mood swings ever.

I am not going to tell you what made me laugh like that because I want you to read the book. I want you to buy the book. I ended up with two copies** of it and I am considering buying another one just because I feel like I should be doing more to contribute to Danny success.

He certainly deserves it.

Rage Against the Meshugenah goes on sale tomorrow (August 4th) and you should all read it because if you like what I write, you will love what Danny writes.

* And I don’t mean LOL either. I mean really laughing out loud.

** Yes, I was given a free copy of the book to review. I somehow got two. I am keeping them both so I can force all my friends to read it. But my point is that for full disclosure Danny asked me to review this for him and I agreed – with bells on.

I mean – my children never listen to me, why would they pay any attention to an audio recording of  “A Light in August”?

We just got back from a road trip that was 10 hours in each direction.

And Ian told me that one of his sister’s baby dolls just had a near death experience.

I guess they were paying attention when I was listening to “Spook” by Mary Roach.

Oops.

Okay, that isn’t exactly true. I always read the Sports section first, but right after that I pick up the book section. See, the Washington Post has this really cool book review insert on Sundays. I think they call it Book World.

Here is the problem: I like the idea of reading book reviews while secretly hating book reviews.

I feel like reading a long review of a novel before reading the actual book ruins the experience. I don’t even really like reading the book jacket anymore. I want to be surprised as I read. I want the book to tell me the story. I don’t want to know the plot before I even turn the first page.

I am sort of the same way with movies. I almost don’t want to know what they are about.

As a writer I am sometimes asked to do book reviews. I always go out of my way (and this is much more important for fiction, in non-fiction you don’t have as many surprise endings) to not give away too much of the story. Of course my articles end up being pretty amorphous. This is perhaps why I am not asked to do more book reviews.

I don’t know if this is totally normal, or if it is a phase I am going through or if I am just getting old and crotchety. Tell me the truth – does the review ruin the book or movie or are you over there rolling your eyes at me? Or both?

I had to fight every urge in my body to not go up to him and ask “Is it Dre? Is it Dre?”

I was going to write a big old review here since I am supposed to be participating in the SV Moms Book Club today but three things happened.

1) I started feeling funny about it since the author, Michelle Lamar, is a friend. (Not that I won’t pimp my friends books, I totally will, but since you may or may not have seen me hanging out with Michelle at BlogHer I thought it would look suspicious.)

2) My stupid router went nuts. I couldn’t get online without having to refresh my ip address every three minutes. After about four hours I decided to move the bookshelf in Ian’s room (the former office that has no computer in it – but has the router that controls the internet for my entire house) while he was sleeping and I unplugged the damn thing right from the wall. Then I plugged it back in.

As you can see, it worked.

3) One section of the book really stuck with me and I want to just talk about that.

Michelle has a section on finding other White Trash moms. Now, keep in mind that she isn’t necessarily talking about Brandine. When Michelle says White Trash Mom she just means someone who doesn’t take herself too seriously, a mom that admits she lets her kids watch tv and eat twinkies. A mom that doesn’t claim to be able to work full time, make healthy dinners from scratch every night, volunteer for the homeless shelter and still make it to every soccer game while staying sane.

Moms like us.

She gives a couple examples about how to find other moms at school that might be like minded. (You don’t want to accidentally hook up with one of those perfect moms. Michelle calls them the Muffia. Sure they are the mean girls, but never underestimate the likelihood that one of those women will snap and go postal at Chuck E. Cheese one day. God knows that I fell like killing people every time I go there.) Michelle says to pay attention to the mom’s eyes and listen for a good laugh, but the most important tip is The Lunch or Coffee Test. She says “You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat a waitress or the guy behind the Starbucks counter”.

Isn’t that the truth?

Did you ever notice that people who leave small tips tend to be small minded? People that treat servers/clerks like shit tend to be shitty people themselves. This is also a fabulous dating tip. If you are on a date and the other person is rude to your server, they will be rude to you. In addition, someone will probably spit in your food.

I feel like a wrote a lot to get to this one single point, but it is an important point. Grown-ups know that they should use their manners. I am always amazed when someone who seems normal will bark at a bartender or someone working the drive through.

Here comes a quick rant: Why don’t people say please and thank you when they are in restaurants? Why would you says “Yeah, I’ll have the burger” when you could just as easily say “May I please have a hamburger?” Is that what you teach your kids at home? When someone brings you food or refills your drink say thank you. No, I’ve never worked in the food service industry. It just seems like common sense. They are called manners, people. Use them.

Okay. I’m done. All I’m saying is that a good way to find a good friend is to look for someone who treats other people the way you want to be treated, and Michelle Lamar hit the nail on the head with this one.

The White Trash Mom Handbook is filled with gems like these. It also made me laugh out loud more than once. You know how I love that.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll rant on the section about being forced to “volunteer” at your kid’s school.

Yes, I am reading young adult fiction. I am reading an entire series of young adult fiction – and it is about vampires – and I am staying up way to late at night to read these books.

Gabe is never going to let me live this one down.

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Confession #2. I have an inexplicable craving for Hamburger Helper. The cheeseburger macaroni kind.

Yes, I know it is gross that is why I have included it in my embarrassing confessions post.

Ew. Really gross. Just look at that picture. That could turn people into vegetarians.

(Didn’t work. I’m still craving it. It is as if my body is lacking salt and fat.)

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Confession #3. Yesterday I had to create a new Yahoo account because when I went to sign up for the Mommy Needs Fantasy Football League Yahoo informed me that I was already participating in the maximum number of leagues allowed.

Who is Yahoo to judge me?

I can handle fantasy football. I don’t have a problem. I can quit anytime I want.

Hmph.

Anyway, I can’t talk. I need to see what Edward and Bella are up to quickly before my next draft starts.

Nobody tell me anything! I just started the second book, New Moon and I don’t want to know anything. I already accidentally found out about Jacob and I wish I didn’t know.

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Edited to add: I don’t know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper, it does just fine by itself.