August 10, 2010 | BlogHer, Confessions, I Just Logged On My Internet, Other Bloggers

Ninety minutes.

That is how long it took me to start crying after I got back into town.

I wasn’t even actually home yet.

I don’t know why I was surprised. This happens every year. I go to BlogHer and I leave feeling amazing. I see people I only get to talk to face to face once a year. I meet people in person that I have been internet friends with for five years. I watch amazing panels of women inspire me to be a better writer, mother, artist, person. I get more compliments in three days than I do for the other 362 days a year combined.

At BlogHer I make business connections. I learn. I socialize. I reunite. I am recognized as a writer. As a business woman. As an individual.

At home I am recognized as “Ian’s Mom”.

At BlogHer people ask me how I do it all.

At home people ask me why I’m not doing more.

At BlogHer I am one of the hosts of the most amazing party. We had a cake from Charm City Bakery, we had a DJ and we did The Hustle. I was sparkly.

Jen and Sarah posing as “robot hookers”. We actually wore the same dress to Sparklecorn. What are the odds that two people would buy this dress? Photo by Laurie White

At home there is a rotting cantaloupe on my kitchen counter, my sink is full of dishes and I can’t find my glasses anywhere.

At BlogHer I meet with producers of major television news networks that want to discuss the upcoming book in which two of my essays will appear.

At home it is dismissed because it is a “little blogging thing” and did you hear my sister-in-law is going to have an article in Oprah’s magazine? Did I know that she was a real writer?

At BlogHer I sit on panels next to WNBA champions and people come to the session to hear me speak.

With Megan Hueter and Kelly Mazzante at BlogHer 10. Photo by Laurie White

At home I sit next to my cat who will not stop meowing. I have no idea why.

At BlogHer I say intelligent things and people write it down.

At home I walk into the wall and hurt my elbow.

The same wall that has been in the same place ever since I moved here in 2006.

Every year it is like this. Maybe next year, when I go to my sixth BlogHer I will stop being surprised.

I’ll see you in San Diego.

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 12:52 pm | 38 Comments  

July 18, 2010 | Confessions, I'm an Idiot

First of all, I was forced to watch her stupid movie “The Last Song” on the way home from San Francisco.

Second of all, her dumb movie made me cry on the airplane.

Twice.

And I was sitting next to a 14 year old boy who probably thinks I am the biggest loser that ever lived.

Hmph.

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Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 1:07 pm | 13 Comments  

July 7, 2010 | Confessions, Parenting, Proof of My Immaturity, The Blue One, The Goon Squad, potty humor

The hardest part about being a parent – besides the sleep deprivation and all of the crushing responsibility – is keeping a straight face when I say things like “Pu-pu platters are not funny!” or “Nobody wants to see you shaking your butt all day long.” or “That isn’t really called an upper nut.”

Full disclosure: I was not at all able to refrain from laughing at that last one. I think I may have even snorted causing him to say “But Mommy, it’s true. My upper nut hurts.” which crushed me on my insides and made my outsides laugh even harder.

On a related topic, what do you call the area right above a person’s penis? I guess I should have sucked it up and taken anatomy and physiology after all.

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 8:52 am | 18 Comments  

May 21, 2010 | Confessions, I Have Issues, Mama We're All Crazee Now, Music, Randomness, The Unexplained

Dear Grace,

I remember what the doormouse said, I just have no idea what to do with that information.

Love,

Sarah

(more…)

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 1:31 am | 6 Comments  

May 8, 2010 | Confessions, Housekeeping, I Have Issues, badassery

I think I am starting to like mowing my yard. Really. Just hear me out for a second.

I know, I always say that I don’t like outside and I hate nature unless it is the beach, but that sort of comes into play.

First (and least surprisingly) it is good exercise and gives me a feeling of accomplishment. When I am done I can actually see that the lawn looks different. That is nice.

Second (or third, that part was kind of two) my iPod is awesome. My iPod is way better than other people’s iPods because there aren’t any songs on it that I hate. I used to put stuff on my iPod so that my husband wouldn’t laugh at me, or so if someone was in my car they would think I was cool. I don’t do that these days.  I don’t give a shit anymore. Now I just put on songs I like. Right now I have 594 songs all of my choosing. Today when I mowed I heard Slayer, Mozart, Tomahawk, Alice in Chains, R.E.M., KIX and Blur. It ruled.

My attitude is also better. Well, maybe not better, but it works.

Mowing my yard has become Sarah vs. Nature. When Slayer is on – no mercy, when Mozart is on la vendetta. Pixies? Wave of Mutilation.

Now that I think about it my iPod has a lot of pent up hostility.

Now that I think about it I have a lot of pent up hostility.

So, mowing works for me, and I think it makes Gabe’s life slightly easier.

Plus my neighbors think I am a good worker.

It is a win/win/win/win. For now. Soon it will get too hot and I’m  sure I’ll hate it again.

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 4:46 pm | 10 Comments