Archive for the 'Confessions' Category
December 11, 2009 | Confessions, I Have Issues, Parenting, Signs of the Apocalypse, The Unexplained
My children believe in God.
That isn’t that big of a deal except that we aren’t very religious people.
My children believe in God and they like to tell me that. A lot.
Sometimes I think they like to rub it in because I am an Atheist, and while I support their beliefs I’m not really sure where they came from. None of their grandparents or parents currently practice any religion and if any of them have any strong beliefs either way they aren’t really talking about it.
My children believe in God and they believe that he is an invisible giant with no feet.
And I say If he is invisible how do you know he is a giant? And how do you know he isn’t a she? I want to be supportive. I want them to know that I am a well-wisher for whatever belief system they choose to ascribe to. I have chosen my own, but that doesn’t mean I think that they have to believe what I believe. I want them to be able to think for themselves. I want them to be able to choose for themselves.
My children believe in an invisible, giant God with no feet.
Their deity inexplicably has no feet.
And they are (well, at least the boy is) scared of the puppet devil.
And I’m not sure why.
I have no idea how to deal with that. How to I explain the the puppet devil isn’t real when they know I don’t believe in God either. I mean sure, I say, Well, he is a puppet. He is felt with some guys hand up in there. And they say Why can’t you see the guy? and I say Because he is squatting down where the camera can’t see him and that just isn’t good enough for them.
For right now my kids believe in an invisible giant God with no feet and the puppet devil.
And I’m not sure to what to do with that information besides tell you about it.
July 16, 2009 | Confessions, The Unexplained
Let me preface this by saying that I am done having children. I have two wonderful kids. I always wanted two children. I have two children. I had a loss and then a really difficult pregnancy. I had to have a blood transfusion when I gave birth. I has spinal fluid leaking in to my bloodstream as a result of my epidural which gives you a headache that is slightly worse than a migraine. Sure, I would love to know what it is like to have a singleton, but two came out the first time and you never know how many would come out the second time. Plus, I’m still not entirely sure what I am supposed to be doing with the two I already have. I am done with babies. That being said –
Babies R Us makes my uterus ache.
It isn’t just Babies R Us either, lest you think they are paying me to say this. The same is true for Carters, or the Target Baby section or any store that has many tiny dresses with bows or jammies with cartoon alligators on them concentrated in one area. Really, even very small shirts with skulls on them make me squeal on the inside. So, no Babies R Us didn’t pay me anything, but even if they had they would probably be on the winning end of things with the amount of cash I dropped in there today.
We have two couples that we are very close to that are both having their first baby. The father of one was the best man in our wedding and the mother of the other one was a bridesmaid. Needless to say I spent far too long and way too much money on these babies. I loooooooove babies that I can hug and kiss and sing to and cuddle and buy things for and then send then hand them to their parents when they poop and I can drive home and sleep through the night.*
The thing is that as much as I don’t want more children stuff like this
makes my body question my decision.
Not my head, mind you, but my body. I actually have a visceral reaction to things like this.
Sure I played it cool, walking slowly down the aisles with my registries in hand, but on the inside I was going OHMYGOD! OHMYHGOD! SQUEEEEE! IT IS THE CUTESTFUCKINGTHING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE! OHMYGOD! I don’t think I was making any actual noise but it is certainly possible.
I am also pretty sure that I ovulated in the aisle that had the sleep sacks.
I guess my point is that when my body was craving a baby when I was 28 and childless it was no surprise. I knew I wanted kids. it made sense. But why would my body do this to me now? I have kids. I’m done. We paid cold hard cash and spent time at a surgical center to make sure we didn’t have any more babies and it is decision I have never regretted, even for a minute. Biology is a crazy thing. For 29 days a month I am barely aware that I have a uterus, but when I walk into a baby store it does the same thing that my stomach does when I smell bacon.**
The good news is that when I walked down the aisle with the diaper genies and the rectal thermometers I got over it.
April 27, 2009 | Audience Participation, Confessions, Music, Questions For You
Ah, sweet muse Euterpe.
In my youth I was obsessed with music. First pop music, then metal, then heavier metal, for a while it was choral pieces and opera… I just love music.
I remember asking my mom about songs that were popular when I was little and she said she didn’t listen to the radio when my brother and I were small. I thought she was insane, but now I get it.
My kids are now four and I am working my way back into first love – music.
I find myself loving Pandora and Blip.fm.
Today I was chatting with Twitter about my music guilty pleasures. I think they become guilty pleasures when my husband makes fun of my for listening to them. You may have to check my blip.fm stream to get the whole story but let’s just say John Denver and Boys II Men were both mentioned.
Obviously, I’ll be inquiring about your guilty pleasures but we also need to talk about the Rolling Stones. Without further ado:
1) What is you guiltiest, guilty pleasure song?*
2) What is your favorite song by The Rolling Stones?**
3) What is the best new album you have heard this year?
4) Name one song that changed your life.
5) What is your favorite song of all time?
November 28, 2008 | Confessions, Parenting, Proof of My Immaturity, The Pink One
Claudia: Mommy, do you want to see what is under my pajamas?
Me: Are you hitting on me?
Claudia: *blank stare*
___
In case you were wondering it was Tinkerbell underwear.
