That isn’t that big of a deal except that we aren’t very religious people.

My children believe in God and they like to tell me that. A lot.

Sometimes I think they like to rub it in because I am an Atheist, and while I support their beliefs I’m not really sure where they came from. None of their grandparents or parents currently practice any religion and if any of them have any strong beliefs either way they aren’t really talking about it.

My children believe in God and they believe that he is an invisible giant with no feet.

And I say If he is invisible how do you know he is a giant? And how do you know he isn’t a she? I want to be supportive. I want them to know that I am a well-wisher for whatever belief system they choose to ascribe to. I have chosen my own, but that doesn’t mean I think that they have to believe what I believe. I want them to be able to think for themselves. I want them to be able to choose for themselves.

My children believe in an invisible, giant God with no feet.

Their deity inexplicably has no feet.

And they are (well, at least the boy is) scared of the puppet devil.

And I’m not sure why.

I have no idea how to deal with that. How to I explain the the puppet devil isn’t real when they know I don’t believe in God either. I mean sure, I say, Well, he is a puppet. He is felt with some guys hand up in there. And they say Why can’t you see the guy? and I say Because he is squatting down where the camera can’t see him and that just isn’t good enough for them.

For right now my kids believe in an invisible giant God with no feet and the puppet devil.

And I’m not sure to what to do with that information besides tell you about it.

Babies R Us makes my uterus ache.

It isn’t just Babies R Us either, lest you think they are paying me to say this. The same is true for Carters, or the Target Baby section or any store that has many tiny dresses with bows or jammies with cartoon alligators on them concentrated in one area. Really, even very small shirts with skulls on them make me squeal on the inside. So, no Babies R Us didn’t pay me anything, but even if they had they would probably be on the winning end of things with the amount of cash I dropped in there today.

We have two couples that we are very close to that are both having their first baby. The father of one was the best man in our wedding and the mother of the other one was a bridesmaid. Needless to say I spent far too long and way too much money on these babies. I loooooooove babies that I can hug and kiss and sing to and cuddle and buy things for and then send then hand them to their parents when they poop and I can drive home and sleep through the night.*

The thing is that as much as I don’t want more children stuff like this

makes my body question my decision.

Not my head, mind you, but my body. I actually have a visceral reaction to things like this.

Sure I played it cool, walking slowly down the aisles with my registries in hand, but on the inside I was going OHMYGOD! OHMYHGOD! SQUEEEEE! IT IS THE CUTESTFUCKINGTHING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE!  OHMYGOD! I don’t think I was making any actual noise but it is certainly possible.

I am also pretty sure that I ovulated in the aisle that had the sleep sacks.

I guess my point is that when my body was craving a baby when I was 28 and childless it was no surprise. I knew I wanted kids. it made sense. But why would my body do this to me now? I have kids. I’m done. We paid cold hard cash and spent time at a surgical center to make sure we didn’t have any more babies and it is decision I have never regretted, even for a minute. Biology is a crazy thing. For 29 days a month I am barely aware that I have a uterus, but when I walk into a baby store it does the same thing that my stomach does when I smell bacon.**

The good news is that when I walked down the aisle with the diaper genies and the rectal thermometers I got over it.

* Assuming one of my own children doesn’t: pee the bed, have a nightmare, need water, want to sleep in my bed, fall out of bed, claims they aren’t tired, is afraid of E.T., etc.

** Except I want the bacon.

In my youth I was obsessed with music. First pop music, then metal, then heavier metal, for a while it was choral pieces and opera… I just love music.

I remember asking my mom about songs that were popular when I was little and she said she didn’t listen to the radio when my brother and I were small. I thought she was insane, but now I get it.

My kids are now four and I am working my way back into first love – music.

I find myself loving Pandora and Blip.fm.

Today I was chatting with Twitter about my music guilty pleasures. I think they become guilty pleasures when my husband makes fun of my for listening to them. You may have to check my blip.fm stream to get the whole story but let’s just say John Denver and Boys II Men were both mentioned.

Obviously, I’ll be inquiring about your guilty pleasures but we also need to talk about the Rolling Stones. Without further ado:

1) What is you guiltiest, guilty pleasure song?*

2) What is your favorite song by The Rolling Stones?**

3) What is the best new album you have heard this year?

4) Name one song that changed your life.

5) What is your favorite song of all time?

*Don’t be shy. Would it make you feel better if I told you I had “Africa” by Toto on my iPod?

What if I told you I knew the harmonies?

** Funniest Stones Cover Ever. Start Me Up by The Folksmen from A Mighty Wind. (for some reason there is no video, but you can listen to it on YouTube.)

Me: Are you hitting on me?

Claudia: *blank stare*

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In case you were wondering it was Tinkerbell underwear.

Me neither, until just now.

I think I was supposed to announce a winner back in September. That clearly didn’t go as planned, but I remembered today.

I remembered after getting 26 unique hits for “vagina picture”.

You see, last year Ali won the contest (the gist was to come up with a term that generated the most traffic) with “Homer Simpson vagina tattoo”.

And this year – Ali won again when she suggested “Ash and Dawn from Pokemon naked.”

Apparently this woman is tapped in to internet perverts everywhere. That is Dawn and Ash over there. People really want to see them naked?

Congratulations Ali Martel from Cheaper Than Therapy!

She has won a $25 gift certificate to Build-Bear Workshop.

And I suck at contests.*

* Not that this will stop me from having more contests. In fact, there is a good chance I will be giving away something super cool soon. Stay tuned.

Yes, I am reading young adult fiction. I am reading an entire series of young adult fiction – and it is about vampires – and I am staying up way to late at night to read these books.

Gabe is never going to let me live this one down.

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Confession #2. I have an inexplicable craving for Hamburger Helper. The cheeseburger macaroni kind.

Yes, I know it is gross that is why I have included it in my embarrassing confessions post.

Ew. Really gross. Just look at that picture. That could turn people into vegetarians.

(Didn’t work. I’m still craving it. It is as if my body is lacking salt and fat.)

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Confession #3. Yesterday I had to create a new Yahoo account because when I went to sign up for the Mommy Needs Fantasy Football League Yahoo informed me that I was already participating in the maximum number of leagues allowed.

Who is Yahoo to judge me?

I can handle fantasy football. I don’t have a problem. I can quit anytime I want.

Hmph.

Anyway, I can’t talk. I need to see what Edward and Bella are up to quickly before my next draft starts.

Nobody tell me anything! I just started the second book, New Moon and I don’t want to know anything. I already accidentally found out about Jacob and I wish I didn’t know.

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Edited to add: I don’t know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper, it does just fine by itself.

So have at it.

Awesome photo removed when photrade suddenly went out of business. Jerks.

Full apologies to PBS Kids and Sprout (and especially my friend Jeannine) whom without this blog would not be possible. Not that they give me any money or anything. I just get most of my writing done while my kids are glued to Sesame Street or Caillou or (help me Jeebus) Barney.

Fear not. I have it on my DVR and I plan on watching the third and fourth quarters sometime this weekend.

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I have a confession to make to you guys. Even though this year’s Super Bowl was the most watched game ever, with about 97.5 million viewers, I was not one of those people watching.

I know. I can’t believe it either. I LOVE the Super Bowl. I love Super Bowl parties. I even had one planned. Ack! I even called my buddy Beth un-American for scheduling her twins birthday party during the game. In fact, I am still in favor of making Super Bowl Monday a national holiday.

So you probably want to know what earth shattering event caused me to miss the big game.

Well, first my husband got sick. He was so sick that on Sunday morning I contacted all of the people that were supposed to come over for the party and I told them it was off. There obviously no way he would be in any shape to have anyone over. At about 2:00 I went to the store to get him some orange juice and soup.

By the time I got home from the grocery store I felt so bad that I had to lay on the floor for an hour. By six o’clock my eyeballs hurt individually.

You know what I think happened? I think I kissed that boy and got cooties.

So here I am with cooties or the plague or bird flu or whatever you want to call it, and the Super Bowl is starting, and as much as I love the NFL and the Super Bowl and the commercials, I just can’t bring myself to care.

Oh, I tried anyway. I even opened (read as, opened and didn’t actually drink) a beer in the spirit of things.

By 8:00 (somewhere after the two minute warning to end the first half and Tom Petty and his halftime show) I just gave up. I hit “record” on my DVR and I went to bed.

I am so ashamed.

Of course the underdogs won in an exciting comeback in the last minute, and from what I understand even the half-time show was worth watching this year.

Fortunately for you, me, the NFL, FOX and all of the advertisers some people (like I said before, about 97 million of them) did watch the game.

Amie from Mamma Loves live blogged the commercials (starting here).

Heather from No Pasa Nada gloated.

And Kay – well, she credits the New York Win to her troll and super natural powers. You never know.