Archive for the 'Conspiracy Theories' Category
When we walked down to the lobby the concierge said “Can I help you ladies?”
I said: “Yes. This might sound strange, but I am looking for the Wienermobile.”
All three of us stifled back some laughter and he said “Actually, I know exactly what you are talking about and it was parked out front earlier.”
I was excited. When I woke up that morning I saw this from my hotel room window.
THE WIENERMOBILE!
I know. It is kind of stupid, but did you know that they don’t just let anybody ride in The Wienermobile? I know this because the commoners who were walking by (and by commoners I mean people who weren’t at my conference) weren’t allowed on. But the wiener lady let Laurie and I get into the giant hot dog!
We’re laughing like that because the wiener lady would not stop saying things like “Does one of you want to sit shot bun?” and “We’re all wieners” and “It is bunderful.”
Really. She did. And she did it deadpan.
And she didn’t stop as we drove around Houston.
To be frank with you it was fairly surreal.
The wiener lady gave me these stickers. That said “I tweeted from the Wienermobile”.
So I did.
And it was good.
When we got back to the hotel we ran into Tanis and took some more pictures because 1) It was a blogging conference and that is what we do and 2) IT WAS THE FUCKING WIENERMOBILE!
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Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
1:33 am |
This is for Beth.
Feel free to play along.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
12:09 pm |
They’re Here.
Really, they’re back.
And this time they like Beck.
Let me explain.
I had an incident about two years ago when my tv would just turn off all by itself. I blamed paranormal activity (not the movie, but the phenomenon). That all stopped when we got a new tv.
Coincidence? Probably not, but you never know.
Yesterday my computer started playing music when nobody was in the living room.
Honestly, I didn’t think a thing of it. You see, my husband downloaded this ap for his iPhone that makes his cell phone act as a remote for our iTunes. Usually he uses this function either to put on some music while we are having a nice family dinner or to torture me by putting on really shitty music from another room.*
Then I heard Gabe tell the kids “I think Mommy is playing a joke on us with her iPhone”.
But it wasn’t me. I was in the kitchen doing dishes.
It was strange, but I let it go.
Then today I came home from the grocery store to an empty house.
The empty house was listening to Beck.
I know for sure I didn’t leave any music playing when I left the house. In fact, I checked every light, both computers and the coffee pot before I left the house.
What do I make of this?
I figure there are several options:
1) I have a poltergeist.
2) My cats love Beck and figured out how to use iTunes. Apple software is very intuitive.
3) I have a stowaway – possibly hiding in a pile of laundry.
4) There is a disturbance in the force.
5) A glitch in the Matrix?**
6) I accidentally mashed a whole bunch of buttons and set my computer to open iTunes and play something of its choosing at random intervals.
I don’t know. Pick whatever sounds reasonable to you. For now I’m going with the poltergeist.
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Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
2:04 pm |
Dear U.S House of Representatives,
Why must you hate?
Is this because I called you the lower house? I want you to know I didn’t make that up as an insult. They taught me that in school.
And I don’t know what you heard, but what I said was that we should legalize slots.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
7:28 am |
That’s right. You heard me. I named my post cheese powder. What of it?
I have a theory about cheese powder having addictive properties akin to heroin.
You think I am crazy.
I give you the following examples:
Cheetohs
Doritos
Ritz Toasted Chips, Dairyland Cheddar Flavor
Planters Cheez Blass (their spelling, not mine)
I challenge you to eat one of any of the above, then wait two full minutes and eat two more of them.
Then stop eating them.
There is no way you can stop after that. There are only three things that can stop the madness.
1) Horrible stomach ache.
2) You can run out. You have no choice but to stop, and you feel to sick to drive to the store to buy more.
3) You are in the presence of another adult who calls you out. “Are you seriously going to eat that entire bag of Doritos?”
__
In related news, I have a horrible stomace ache.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
9:36 am |
