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Why Sledding Blows

December 23, 2009 | Doctor Doctor, Parenting, The Goon Squad, The Pink One

We drive to the hill.

My car almost gets stuck in the snow.

There is this hill by our neighborhood pool. At the top of the hill there are tennis courts. At the bottom of the hill is the parking lot. This hill must be 45 feet wide and 15 feet up. There are stairs leading up to the tennis court area on the left.

I take one picture. This one.

Pre-Sledding Injury

Ian takes his first run down the hill he immediately flips over and hits his head on the stairs.

Did I mention this hill is about 45 feet wide?

Claudia is next. She goes for it. She is doing well until she hits the ice ramp at the bottom that some big kids must have built yesterday.

She flies in the air and lands squarely on her tailbone.

She cries for 10 minutes so we get in the car and drive home where she continues to cry for another 15 minutes.

I call the nurse at the pediatrician’s office.

I say:

Hi. My daughter was sledding and she took the ice ramp and landed on her back and she is complaining that it hurts. She can walk and I can’t see anything but she has been crying for 25 minutes. Do I need to have her looked at?

The nurse says:

Spinal injuries are very serious! Take her to urgent care to have an x-ray!

I freak out.

I call my mother-in-law.

Sledding went poorly. I have to take Claudia to the emergency room to get x-rays! Spinal injury! Can you please help with Ian?

She says she’ll be right over.

I come to my senses.

I call the nurse back.

Hi. I just talked to you about my daughter and you said I need to get x-rays and that spinal injuries were serious but is there any way I can come into the office to have her seen?

Five minutes later I have an appointment in 25 minutes at the pediatrician’s office.

I call my mother-in-law and tell her I just have to take the boy with me because we don’t have much time but we will be fine.

Claudia is still whimpering and saying It hurts. It really hurts.

Ian starts crying because he doesn’t feel like going to the doctor’s office.

And I am starting to freak out again.

We somehow make it to the pediatrician with two or three minutes to spare.

Then we wait for 45 minutes.

Minutes 1 – 5: Claudia cries the entire time.

Minutes 6 – 15: Claudia whimpers.

Minutes 16 – 20: Ian begins to go nuts on the baby toys in the waiting room. Claudia starts to wander around holding her back.

Minutes 21 – 30: The kids play with the baby toys. Claudia holds her back on and off.

Minutes 31 – 38: Both kids ask me: When is it our turn? When are they going to call us? Why did those other people get to go first? Is it our turn now? I’m thirsty can I have some water? Where is the drinking fountain? When is it going to be our turn?

Minute 39: They finally call us back.

Minutes 40 – 45: Both kids jump and dance around the examination room.

Minute 45: The doctor comes in checks out her back. Says everything is fine.

We give them $20 and get in a big argument about if we should stop at McDonald’s or Wendy’s on the way home.

Sledding blows.

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 1:21 pm | 13 Comments  

Place Holder

November 13, 2009 | Doctor Doctor

So remember when I said I was back? I wasn’t so much lying as I was misinformed. Karma had other plans for me most of which involve copious amounts of mucous and trying to argue with a five year old even though I barely have a voice.

Right.

In lieu of new thoughts, I’ll just direct you to my MamaPop Top Chef recap. (And don’t forget to check later for the MamaPop roundtable. I sing some opera instead of actually answering the question. I am sneaky like that.)

There is also a strong possibility I will be back later with some questions for you. I suppose it depends on how fast and furious my cold medicine kicks in.

dayquil-now-street-cred

*

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 9:00 am | 3 Comments  

Don’t put it over the crack, Mommy

October 14, 2009 | Doctor Doctor, Parenting, The Pink One

Don’t ask me how she did it, but Claudia scraped her butt on a tree.

She was wearing jeans and climbing in a tree she knows she isn’t supposed to be in and somehow she has a huge scratch on her ass.

I heard her crying outside, but since she has a fit about every 45 seconds I decided to ignore her. Who knew that this time would be a legitimate injury?

(Seriously, last time I went out there to see why she was crying so loudly it was because Ian ruined her life by not letting her stand near the see-saw.)

To fix her problem I got out one of those huge 1 3/4 inch by 4 inch band aids that has some sort of antibiotic prepackaged on it.

bandaid_big

I joked with her.

This is going to cover your whole butt.

Please don’t put it over the crack, Mommy. She said, Or else I won’t be able to poop.

I didn’t, but I like how her mind works. I think.


Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 2:00 am | 15 Comments  

I Left My iPhone in Philadelphia*

October 5, 2009 | Doctor Doctor, I Have Issues, I'm an Idiot

I found myself standing in the rain in front of Union Station thinking to myself

What kind of moron leaves her iPhone on the seat of the van?

Of course the answer is THIS kind of moron. I remembered my backpack. I remembered the Nikon D90 that I am borrowing. I remembered my purse. I remembered to bring my laptop bag. And I forgot my iPhone. My security blanket. I don’t leave home without it. I don’t go to the mailbox without it. It is my phone, my watch, my address book, my memo pad, my book, my iPod. It is the non-human love of my life.

More importantly, why was I in Philadelphia?

continued here

___

* To be sung to the tune of “I Left My Wallet in El Segundo”

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 1:55 pm | 13 Comments  

Life Should Not Imitate “Trainspotting”

February 2, 2009 | Doctor Doctor, Parenting

I won’t go into the gory details but nothing could have prepared me for what I woke up to last night, except maybe that one scene in “Trainspotting”.

Not the toilet swimming scene, not the one with the dead baby, but the one where Spud wakes up at his girlfriend’s house.

spud

Note to parents of sick children: Just because your kid hasn’t eaten in a couple of days does not mean he or she is empty. Yet.

Now if you will excuse me, I’ve got some laundry to do.

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 9:41 am | 10 Comments  
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