A Fair Punishment For Cannibalism

I volunteer at the elementary school on a regular basis and this week I was reading about ants with a first grader. The deal is that I have the child read me a few pages and then I ask him or her about what he or she has just read. In this case a little […]

We All Love Rock N’ Roll

Claudia really wanted the Barbie I Can Be Rock Star Doll Set for her birthday. Thinking that was totally awesome, I ran right out and bought it. I admit, however, to having an ulterior motive. I am going to call them Cherie and Leta and make them form a band with the Joan Jett Barbie […]

When Did Seven Become a Teenager?

THAT IS IT! I AM GOING TO CANCEL THE BIRTHDAY PARTY. I couldn’t do it again this year. We had a big party last year. This year they each have something like 28 children in their classes. If we invited them all that is 56 kids, plus all of the extra kids that come because […]

The Lies Parents Tell

Growing up I rarely lied to my parents. Sure, every once in a while I would say I was going to the movies and instead I would be drinking beer at a bonfire on The Causeway and sometimes I skipped class and failed to mention it, but I usually just told them things they didn’t […]

The C Word

My kids are packing their bags. They will be spending the night with their grandparents and my mother-in-law (now I know why people write MIL even if they aren’t on twitter. That word is a punctuation and capitalization nightmare) is at our house to pick them up. I can hear the boy chanting under his […]

My Favorite Series of Words

“Mommy?” “Yes” “What is your favorite series of words? I paused. “What do you mean my favorite series of words? Like a phrase?” “No. Your favorite series of words.” I still had no idea what they were talking about, but they were both looking at me. I looked back at them blankly. “I don’t know. […]

I Think I Lost Their School Pictures. Again.

Oh God, I think I lost my kids’ school pictures again. When my twins were two years old we got their very first school pictures from preschool. Both sets came back just adorable. Claudia had on a little pink and red dress and Ian was wearing a green striped sweater that made him look like […]

My Daughter’s Keeper

I had been feeling guilty about it for weeks. She is my daughter’s first grade teacher. So this morning I when I was at the school I went into Claudia’s classroom and I was just as honest as possible. I said to her teacher “I am sorry I ousted you as the mayor of this […]

What is the Coolest Thing in a Fire Station?

My six year old son just returned from a cub scout tour of our local fire station. I asked him how it was. “AWESOME!” he said. The I asked him what part was is favorite. What was the coolest thing he saw? I mean, fire stations have everything: fire trucks, ladders, poles, cool uniforms, dalmatians- […]

“O” Stands For Awesome

Today is report card day, and being the parent of two six year olds we have our first official report cards. When Ian got off of the bus he informed me that he got a bunch of Gs and Os and that G stood for good and O stood for awesome. I told him that […]