August 29, 2008 | Food, Parenting

I don’t know why the people baking cookies with their kids on TV always look so happy.

I thought it would be a good rainy day activity yesterday so The Goon Squad and I decided to make cookies.

Well, technically we decided to make cupcakes, but I only had two eggs and the box recipe called for three eggs. And my neighbors weren’t home. And I had a package of sugar cookie mix, so cookies it was.

In commercials they show a well groomed lady in a clean kitchen smiling with cooperative and appreciative children that are all wearing pants.

In my house only two of us were wearing pants and I made the other one put on underwear before he could “bake” anything. The kitchen was a wreck from the get go and my hair… let’s just say I haven’t showered since yesterday and I went to the gym this morning.

The directions were simple. A stick of softened butter, one egg and the mix.

Have you ever tried stirring a dry powdery mixture with two four year olds helping?

I do not reccomend this activity to anyone. (Except my enemies.)

It went poorly but eventually I got the first sheet of cookies into my oven. Then it went like this:

Are they done yet? How about now? How about now? Are they done now? Now? Now? How about now? Mommmmmmmy, are they done yet?

and on and on for 9 minutes.

Times four sheets of cookies.

And then:

Can I eat one now? Are they cool enough now? Why are they too hot? Why are you putting them on that rack? Can I eat it now? How about now? Now? I’ll only eat the cold part. Can I eat one now? Are they done now? Can I eat one now? Mommmmmmmmmy this is taking forever. This is taking one million years. Can I eat one now?

Until they cooled.

Then came the frosting. It took 10 minutes and they each frosted ONE cookie.

After that they complained about it.

Those commercials lie. Now my kitchen is an even bigger mess than it was when I started.

And now I am too full from eating cookie dough to go back in there and clean it up.

It is entirely possible that I gained five pounds and I don’t even really like sugar cookies all that much.

The next time it rains I am buying a bag of Oreos and renting a DVD.

June 24, 2008 | Food

After 35 years of thinking they were disgusting and tasteless I have finally decided that I like water chestnuts.

My Mom always said I would like them when I grew up.

Does this make me a grown up?

Crap. Does this mean I need to get a job?

March 11, 2008 | Food, Randomness

The other day (while watching food network, like we always do) I asked Gabe what an Offal was. (I also asked him if it was Offal or Awful) he looked it up for me and I now I know. But then two days later Ruhlman posts this. You read the man’s book and he reads your mind. Spooky.

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Check out my home girls Devra and Aviva - they are the experts on PBS Parents this month.

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This right here is bullshit. (Stolen from Rattling the Kettle)

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Prescription Drugs found in American Drinking Water. I was hoping for Fen-Phen, but it was “antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones”.

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The random picture is a pineapple that my Mom is growing.

January 28, 2008 | Food

Chocolate Milk.

It’s perfect. I get my chocolate fix AND calcium. It is brilliant.

To bad it doesn’t have more caffeine.

December 15, 2007 | Food

CityZen just called! They havc an opening for me tonight. Woo Hoo!

(I hope I haven’t hyped this too much, if the food sucks I will be very disappointed.) 

December 14, 2007 | Food

I realize I should have called months ago, but I am the Queen of Procrastination.

Gabe is taking me out for a fancy dinner for my birthday. I am having issues with reservations.

They wait-listed me for CityZen for Saturday night. Marcels (I won’t link to it because the website has really loud cheesy music, sorry Marcels.) is all booked up too. I got a reservation for 2941, but it isn’t until Sunday night. I’ve got babysitters for Saturday night.

Do any of you know anyone who can get me in?

(Yes. I admit this is pathetic, but it couldn’t hurt to try, right?)

September 24, 2007 | Food, I Love Beer, Parenting, The Pink One

Besides just having fabulous metabolisms and growing up as well as out, I have often wondered how little kids can eat so much garbage (Claudia pretty much exists on a diet of pasta, grilled cheese, cereal, french fries and goldfish - Dr. Atkins is spinning in his grave) and stay so thin.

Today it hit me. If you dance around like a lunatic every time somebody gives you a graham cracker just because you are so excited to eat that graham cracker you probably won’t be gaining a bunch of weight.

I’m starting a new diet plan today. Every time  I go to grab a beer I’ll do a little happy dance. This way I figure:

1) I’ll burn off the bonus calories. 

2) It counts as cardio.

3) It will please the beer Gods.

What do you think? Who is in?

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March 27, 2007 | Food

My rice cooker overcooked my rice.

Two nights in a row.

I feel - betrayed.

I mean, isn’t that why I bought the stupid rice cooker in the first place? So that I wouldn’t end up overcooking my rice?

Should I buy another one? Or will this one just disappoint me too?

Or do I just suck at using my rice cooker?

March 26, 2007 | Food, I Love Wine, Uncategorized

Dear Food and Wine Magazine,

My mom got Gabe a subscription to you for Christmas and now I can’t put you down.

I want you to know that I am not a magazine person. I am a book person, I am an internet person. I only read the paper online, but it’s not like that with you.  You give me pictures and recipies and pairings… I never set out to be a food and wine snob, but you are making it so easy!

All I ask from you is that you find a way for wine to have less empty calories. Any chance of that happening? If not, I understand. I will take your pairing suggestions anyway.
The wine store near my house wanted me to thank you too. They are making a killing off of me.

Love,

Sarah

(Nobody asked me to say any of this or paid me to say this. I didn’t get anything for free - unless you count me usurping Gabe’s Christmas present as free. That being said, I will always accept free wine in the future if anybody wants to send me some. Seriously, anyone? Food and Wine? Wine Spectator? Mom? I am not proud.)

January 29, 2007 | Food

(cue Cinderella)

Dear Publix,

I hate all the grocery stores in Northern Virginia. I’m serious. The Safeway near my house is overpriced and the lines are always long. Both of the Giants that are close both suck and really aren’t that clean. The Wegmans is too far away for everyday shopping and the workers are very grumpy.

My Trader Joes is really small. Sure they have good cheese, but I end up having to go there and somewhere else just to get enough food to prepare an entire meal. The Shoppers Food Warehouse is full of assclowns, they only have two of the carts that I can fit both kids in and there is only one check out line that the big carts will fit through. I have to use lane seven even if the mean cashier is there.

MacGruders is a joke, it is like shopping at a 7-11 with produce, the close Harris Teeter closed down and the other shoppers at Whole Foods smell bad, plus the parking lot is impossible to get out of.

I know, you can’t believe I am complaining when I have this many grocery stores to choose from, but dear Publix, I miss your bakery. I miss your deli. You were always clean and you had the best fried chicken.

Why are you only in the South?

This is not an advertisement. Publix probably doesn’t even remember me.

But I remember you, Publix. I miss you. Please come to Virginia.

Call me.

Love,

Sarah