When I told somebody that my notary was in Aruba I thought it was probably the most ridiculous sentence that had ever come out of my mouth. It was true (if by my notary you mean my friend who I just found out was a notary, but he lives really close to me and he [...]
What Color are Your Nipples?
December 5, 2011
I yell out from the shower “Hey! What color would you say my nipples are?” He comes to the bathroom door. “Why do you ask?” “Because somebody asked me last night.” “Why?” “I don’t know.” “Well, who asked you.” “Some of the ladies at the party.” “Why did they want to know?” “I don’t know. [...]
True Story
November 18, 2011
Every time I see a yellow bell pepper I feel a compulsion to take a huge bite out of it, Chairman Kaga style. Just me?
The Audition
November 9, 2011
The audition was last night. I have to tell you that I chickened out. I said I wasn’t going to do it. I believe the reason I gave my husband was that I was “too pissy to sing a solo”, but then I went next door and my neighbor was auditioning for a different solo [...]
The Halloween Debacle – Part 2
November 1, 2011
To get the whole story you have to first read “The Halloween Debacle – Part 1.” * * * When I left the parade I was really hoping that Claudia would find her costume on the school bus on the ride home, but when she came off of the bus empty handed I knew we [...]
The Halloween Costume Debacle – Part 1
October 29, 2011
I am not a terribly prepared or organized human being, but I know from experience that if you wait until mid-October to buy children’s Halloween costumes they will be picked over and you will never get what you want. Halloween is the one holiday I have down, when school starts in September we order our [...]
Laundry Detergent and Farts
October 27, 2011
I have left the house three times today and each time I got into my vehicle I had the same reaction. So I did what anyone would do. I told twitter. Later I thought, huh. Maybe I should explain that. The story starts last week when my neighbor and I went to Costco. I had [...]
My Minivan Has a Poltergeist
September 19, 2011
My minivan has a poltergeist or possibly an electrical problem but either way I am freaking out. I was at the grocery store (as I tend to be) and when I tried to get out of the car it was locked. That in itself is no big deal. I’ve also tried to get out of [...]
I Was Standing in the Shower
August 31, 2011
I am standing in the shower and I can hear the shrieking coming down the hall. I have been in the shower almost long enough so that my hair is wet enough to put in the shampoo. I wonder what he could have done to make her so angry in such a short period of [...]
My At-Bat Song
August 26, 2011
Do you have your walk-up song picked out? You know, the song that they would play for you when you come up to bat? Sports fans are nodding their heads and hitting the comment button. For the rest of you, think of them playing “Wild Thing” for Charlie Sheen in “Major League” when he came [...]
This Entire Post Revolves Around One Biggie Smalls Song
August 9, 2011
Partially because I just spent the weekend at BlogHer and it is sort of the unofficial Sparklecorn theme song and partly because my children are obsessed with songs with curse words in them, I have had the song “Party and Bullshit” by The Notorious B.I.G. stuck in my head for several days. * * * [...]
I Never Said I Was Reasonable
July 13, 2011
The other day I was telling you about the lists I make in the notepad on my phone. Today I thought I would stick with that theme and share with you two related lists. The first one is things that make me happy when they aren’t that big of a deal and the second one [...]
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