First World Reasons I Am Hostile Today: A List

1) Somebody put dirty clothes on top of the unmatched sock basket and put it in the laundry room and then the cats peed on it. 2) My socks keep falling down in my boots. 3) Leaves in my house. 4) My daughter’s American Girl doll keeps looking at me funny every time I go […]

Kicking the Can

I finally kicked. I am proud to say that I have gone eight days without eating a Pringle. I have no idea how you just reacted to reading that sentence. You might be confused. You might think I am am idiot. If you follow me closely on Twitter you might be proud of me, having […]

Testing, Testing

I was just at Safeway and as I was walking in a guy smoking a cigarette outside asked me for a dollar for the bus. He looked rough. He was skinny and twitchy. He was clearly in need of a fix but I have had a weird week and I decided to give him a […]

My first 5K (before)

Remember in school when you were forced to run a mile in P.E.? That was always the worst day of the year for me. When I was in 8th grade I remember thinking seriously about taking a hammer to my own toe to get out of running the mile. This is a true story. I […]

Mowing Musings

Warning: To understand this post you might need a working knowledge of Great White’s catalog. Basically only Laurie, Tammy, Ritch and Celeste will know what the hell I am talking about. That’s right, you heard me. I haven’t written a word here in three months and now I open with this statement. I apologize. You […]

Out Out Damn Bug!

I am the Lady MacBeth of lice. Seriously, I always think I have lice and I never do. In December my head was itching like crazy and I was convinced I was infested, but no. It was (wait for it) glitter. I did not have lice. I had glitter. GLITTER. It was far more glamorous […]

Not So Sure About Those Christmas Carols

I woke up with Walking in a Winter Wonderland stuck in my head. Woke up with Walking in a Winter Wonderland. Say THAT three times fast. Anyway, I woke up to this. In the meadow we can build a snowman Then pretend that he’s a circus clown. She’ll say “Are you married?” We’ll say “No, […]

5 Totally Unrelated Things I Have Learned This Month

1) Mick Jagger wrote the song “Tumbling Dice” after talking to a housekeeper about her gambling habit. 2) The piece of metal that you use to transition from a wood flor to a tile floor is called a Schluter. 3) Pinterest makes so much more sense if you watch Doctor Who.

Don’t Worry, I Didn’t Write That One

I am not sure why, but I want to give you guys an idea of how my creative process works, or really, in this case, how my creative process doesn’t work. I am painfully aware that I haven’t written anything here in a week and so I was brainstorming in my favorite think tank – […]

Misunderstandings

I got this documentary on Pagan Metal from Netflix. It turns out that Pagan Metal is not what I thought it was. According to documentarian Bill Zebub, (I swear to the Pagan Metal Gods that I didn’t make that name up. It is real. See? Pagan Metal I mean. I am clever, but not that clever.) there […]

I’m on a Plane

I just paid $12.95 so I could complain to you live from the sky. Let’s rephrase that and say that I am going to rant, or wait, musing sounds better. I shall offer you my musings from the sky. There. That sounds far less angsty. Musings from the sky sound almost arty. This changes nothing […]

Several Unreasonable Things

I was watching this old documentary about The White Stripes and Jack and Meg were still pretending to be siblings and now I am mad at them for being lairs.