The Saga of the Traveling Underpants

A couple of weeks ago I only had two pairs of white underpants. I had a pair of white thong underpants and a giant pair of white granny panties. I know this for sure because I need to wear white underwear under my dobok. Remember how I told you I signed up for Tae Kwon […]

The Key to Looking Younger

Twice this week people have told me how young I look. First was my new stylist. She asked me if I was in school. I looked at her like she had ten heads and I am pretty sure I said :No, I am a grown-up, but thank you for saying that.” Then today the guy […]

But Other than this I am Completely Normal

The other day at the bus stop one of my new neighbors was asking all the other ladies about where we got our hair cut. I didn’t say anything until she asked me directly. Because I get my hair cut in Tampa. Which wouldn’t really be that weird except I live just outside Washington D.C. […]

I Am Not A Crook

I am not a criminal. I rarely break the law. Sure, I occasionally exceed the speed limit but other than traffic offenses 90% of the laws I have broken in my life have involved under-aged drinking. It has been a while since I have done anything that could get me in trouble with the law. […]

Okay, but what should I do with all of the poop and pee?

I Admit It

I read this headline and thought Wow, that isn’t very many.

I Left My iPhone in Philadelphia*

I found myself standing in the rain in front of Union Station thinking to myself What kind of moron leaves her iPhone on the seat of the van? Of course the answer is THIS kind of moron. I remembered my backpack. I remembered the Nikon D90 that I am borrowing. I remembered my purse. I […]

Screwing Up Parenting One E-Mail at a Time

As you probably know, I have twins going into Kindergarten in a few weeks. 12 days, but who is counting? I am new to the public school system. I’ve never had a child in Kindergarten before, so I’ve been trying to pay special attention to the rules. I’m not really a detail person, but I […]

Karma is a Cruel Mistress

When I was in 10th grade a kid in my school came down with a case of German Measles. I don’t even remember who it was, but I clearly recall that the incident let to everyone in the school having to go get a vaccination in the library. I remember this because of my intense […]

Swag FAIL

Son of a… Good Job Proofreaderson Maybe some day these will be a collectors item. I sure hope so. I have 250 of them. *sigh*

Before You Call The Plumber

Before you call the plumber, in fact, before you buy a huge bottle of Drano, really, before you can’t sleep at night and star freaking out about the tree roots in your pipes, and how much it is going to cost you to redo the plumbing for your entire taking weeks of construction and house […]

How Do You Do a Kiwi?

Have I mentioned that my kids used to be picky eaters? I suppose they are still fairly picky, but in order to make sure that they don’t grow up to be that one guy who only eats chicken breasts, cheese pizza, plain hamburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches on white bread* we have a rule about […]