May 22, 2008 | I'm an Idiot, Mama We're All Crazee Now, Music, Uncategorized, iCult
Can somebody please explain to me how iTunes can skip?
Is there a tiny needle somewhere in my computer? In the iPod?
Archive for the 'Mama We're All Crazee Now' Category
July 21, 2006 | Mama We're All Crazee Now
I went to the doctor on Wednesday and she prescribed me Sarafem or fluoxetine hydrochloride, better known as a generic Prozac. She also took blood (and I didn’t pass out or anything) to check for thyroid disease (they do that for everyone, right?) and gave me the phone number for “someone to talk to”.
Right. Because if I had time to go to a doctor’s appointment once a week during normal business hours and felt confident that I could have someone watch my kids without having to make anybody take time off work and rearrange their lives for my personal issues I wouldn’t be this fucking freaked out in the first place.
Ahem.
Anyway, I started the medicine yesterday. I’ll let you know how it goes. They say it takes a while to kick in. I’ve had a great week, but of Tammy and her kids have been here to keep us busy and keep me company. Let’s see how I handle leaving the kids for four days next weekend. Ha! Just kidding. I’ll be the drunk girl throwing the party on the airplane. I love my children, but I need this break.
July 13, 2006 | Mama We're All Crazee Now
I feel like I need to clarify a few things about my post yesterday.
I’ve gotten e-mails and phone calls from my real life friends and family asking why I hadn’t told them about feeling depressed before. There are a couple of reasons. First, I think I just realized what was going on. Even more importantly I think it is part of it. Usually I am the first person to contact everyone I know if something is going on in my life. When I suspected Gabe was out shopping for my engagement ring I called at least four people. When I thought I was being blog-stalked I sent out a mass e-mail to about seven of my real life friends who blog and asked them if someone from Fredericksburg kept showing up on their site meters. (Okay, so maybe it turned out to be me. But I still feel justified because I don’t live in Fredericksburg. I don’t even really live near Fredericksburg. How was I supposed to know it was me?) I think the fact that I wasn’t talking about it made it even more apparent to me that something was wrong. I mean - I’m the one that has to post and tell the whole interweb every time Ian poops more than three times in one day.
That reminds me. Did I tell you guys that Ian pooped in the bathtub yesterday? Gross.
Gabe pointed out to me that I forgot to tell you something else that is pretty pertinent to what is really going on. I don’t really talk about my period much on here. I have a lot of male readers and even though most of you guys are Dads and you know all about menstrual cycles I’m guessing you don’t really want to come here to read about mine. Either way, my mood swings, or my “bad days” seem to be directly related to my hormones. The worst moods come right before my period. You could almost call it PMS, except I feel like I get unusually angry.
I had this problem right before I got pregnant the first time too. For some reason instead of just crying at commercials and never being able to get enough to eat (which is my regular PMS) I hate the world and feel personally affronted by almost everything. Before I had kids I figured that I would go to a doctor and see if they would give me some Valium or Xanax just for the really bad days at work. This time it seems to be more mixed with complete lack of motivation.
But still, I do have a lot of good days. Yesterday I was fine. My point is that I don’t want to kick my cats every day. I am having a cyclical thing. Somebody told me the other day that they made a Prozac just for PMS. Maybe that is more along the lines of what I need. I don’t know. Like I said, I’m going to see my doctor on Wednesday.
Gabe also pointed out to me that I probably don’t realize that I am actually still getting a lot done. It just doesn’t feel like it. Just him telling me that he thinks I am doing a good job makes a huge difference. I think a lot of the time I think that I am letting him down by not getting to all of the laundry, but I forget that he knows these kids pretty well. The phrase he used yesterday was “I know what you are up against all day”.
I also hope everyone understood that it isn’t so much that I thing being depressed is trendy (even though it is certainly socially acceptable these days) I just think that writing about it in a blog setting is done a lot. Sometimes it is really over done. I’m sure I could have plenty of discussions at BlogHer about my minivan and Pampers vs. Huggies too. I’m usually the number one cheerleader for any of my friends getting pharmaceutical assistance when they have felt like it would help. I’m not sure why I am feeling so sheepish about it now that it’s me.
No matter what I really appreciate all of your comments yesterday. It has been really helpful to know that other people get what I was trying to say. I’ll get to the Christian thing too. I’ll probably get to the “20 Eyes” video as well, now I just have to catch the kids when they are both willing to sing for the camera.
July 12, 2006 | Mama We're All Crazee Now
Erin is challenging everyone to write about something “Big” before BlogHer. I spend a lot of time writing about things that make me laugh. I do this because 1) I don’t really consider myself to be a writer and 2) I read the blogs I read mostly because they make me laugh. Anyway, here goes…
I think I am about to join the ranks of what seems to be the vast majority of Mommybloggers. I’m going on medication.
I know - the last thing anybody wants to read about is one more SAHM that can’t get her shit together. One more person that has everything she ever wanted and still can’t get happy.
I’m just one more person who recently came to the realization that she feels like screaming almost every time one of her cats rubs up against her leg. One more person that just realized that she wasn’t just being lazy, and she wasn’t just really tired from having twins, but she really was having problems getting out of bed, and getting off of the couch and a trip to the grocery store was really all she could handle doing in one day.
Let’s switch over to first person. It makes it easier for me and plus this is a good place for you to stop reading if you don’t want to hear this exact same thing that everyone else has already written more eloquently. I’d stop, but I need to do this for myself.
I don’t think I qualify for the post-pardum thing, my kids turned two a couple of months ago. Plus this hasn’t been going on for that long. I don’t know if the move triggered things, or if I am just handling it poorly, but I am seeing my doctor on Wednesday to try to start sorting it all out.
For a while I really thought I was just being lazy. I thought I was just spending too much time on the computer to get all of my stuff done. I made myself a deal that I would make it a point to post less. To try to only check bloglines one or twice a day. And I still couldn’t get off the couch.
I still thought “Oh, I’ll take a shower tomorrow”.
I used to be a person who bathed every single day. I washed my hair every day. I’ve always been lazy, but I’ve always had good personal hygiene. I used to get depressed if I went two days without leaving the house, now if I go grocery shopping AND take the twins outside to play with the other neighborhood kids I feel completely exhausted.
I kind of feel like an asshole. Haven’t you already heard this story? Am I just trying to fit in with the other Mommybloggers. I think we’ve all established that anti-depressants are trendy. Now I’ll be able to have intelligent discussions with my closest friends about which medications make us feel jittery, or hungry or loopy. I’ll be able to tell all the other ladies at BlogHer what Zoloft did to my sex-drive. It’s like getting a tattoo in college or following The Greatful Dead for a couple of months. Now can I get on the blog Homecoming court?
I really considered not talking about this on my blog at all because it has all been said. And because some days I feel just fine.
So there is my serious thing. If you guys want more “real” from me I can always tell you all why I am not a Christian. Or if you’d ratherkeep it light I can post a video of my kids singing “20 Eyes”. (We’ve been working on it for a while).
