(NSFW)

Then your husband makes you listen to this.

To “assist” you in getting Die Antwoord “Enter The Ninja” out of your mind.

Yeah, so just when you think it could not possibly get any worse, you walk into Old Navy where you learn that some douchebag covered “More Than Words” and forgot that the only good thing about that song was the harmonies, so they sing it solo or you walk into a nail salon and hear a muzak version of a Santana song that sounds like it a robot was playing the sitar.

You might think you’ve hit rock bottom, but you would be wrong.

Because this is the worst thing – ever:

Oh, and I’m sorry. I forgive you if you are hitting unsubscribe. I deserve it.

For Melissa, Lori, Elisa and Loralee it was the Mathias “Let the People Praise Thee, O God”, the piece that he wrote for Prince Charles and Lady Diana’s wedding.

For everybody else it sounds like this.

I’m a first alto and the the alto line looks like this

and this

If you are a vocalist you are cringing. If you are an instrumentalist you are wondering what my deal is. If you can’t read music you stopped reading this post five minutes ago.

Before we moved on to the next piece the director asked if we had any questions.

I turned to the lady on my right. I said “Yeah, can we sing something else?”

No response.

I turned to the girl on my left and I said “Yeah, I have a question. What the hell Mathias?”

She looked at me like I had several heads.

I am so glad I have you guys.

The chorus had us (I went with my neighbor and friend Lesley) sit through the rehearsal before the auditions. They are singing John Rutter’s “Mass of the Children” which is both beautiful and challenging.

The director is this fantastic and talented woman who referenced both March Madness and “Spinal Tap” during rehearsal. I think I have found a place that I belong.

The choir is also singing a Handel piece , something by Vaughn Williams and some other English music for their concert in the spring.

I guess I should say “we” are singing this music.

I got in.

It seems like such a small thing but this new docking station charges my iPod and so I am actually using the thing. I put it on when I am cooking breakfast or fixing myself lunch. I am shocked at how much better I feel just listening to an extra 20 minutes of music each day.

What seems like a long time ago now, I used to be a musician. I am a singer. I sing.

And I somehow forgot about it.

One of my best friends in the world is an Opera singer. I remember once someone asked her why she chose to sing. He answer was something along the lines of “Music is the only thing. It is what I have to do.”

For me music isn’t the only thing, but it is an important thing and I had forgotten about it.

How does someone forget about music?

I got distracted by life: kids, family, writing, working and the intense need for silence every once in a while.

Now I remember.

Tomorrow my neighbor and I are auditioning for a local community chorus. I am very out of practice and I have no idea if we will even get in, but I know I need to do this. I need music.

* * *

I bought the speakers, I got the iPod with my credit card points and I just wanted to tell you that I like music.

I wasn’t just making it up either. We were making her a Pandora playlist. She wanted to thumbs up Children of Bodom and Amon Amarth.

When I told Gabe this story he said that those bands weren’t grindcore, maybe death core or black metal, but not grindcore.

At this point in the story I need to back up a few weeks. Gabe and I were having an argument about which one of us was more metal.

In our defense we had just been to three wine tastings, so it wasn’t like we just talk about this all of the time. Well, okay, maybe we do, but in this particular case we had been in Napa all day drinking wine.

We called the children and had a family vote. The vote was ‘Who in this family is the most metal?”

Gabe voted for Gabe.

Ian voted for Ian.

I voted for myself.

Claudia voted for Ian, Claudia and Daddy.

This vote would make Gabe and Ian tied for the most metal and me and the girl who has both Barbies and Polly Pockets on her Christmas list tied for least metal.

I skipped my Sophomore homecoming dance to go to a Sepultura show. I sang on an Iced Earth album. I’ve been to Morbid Angel’s house. I grew up in Tampa! How could I possibly be the least metal person in any family?

But as I found myself reading the wiki for grindcore I kind of wanted to cry because a truly metal person wouldn’t need to google a wiki (which would be a fantastic name for a disco band) to distinguish between grindcore and deathcore. Would they?

And there is nothing metal about crying.

The apple really doesn’t fall too far from the tree, does it?

That’s right. You heard her.

Death Metal Wednesday.

You heard it here first.

I’m not sure who loves this more – me or my kids.

This afternoon I took a nap. When I woke up this song was stuck in my head.

They Might Be Giants-Istanbul (Not Constantinople)

“Even old New York was once New Amsterdam Why they changed it I can’t say. People just liked it better that way.”

Again, thank you They Might Be Giants. You guys are awesome.

In my youth I was obsessed with music. First pop music, then metal, then heavier metal, for a while it was choral pieces and opera… I just love music.

I remember asking my mom about songs that were popular when I was little and she said she didn’t listen to the radio when my brother and I were small. I thought she was insane, but now I get it.

My kids are now four and I am working my way back into first love – music.

I find myself loving Pandora and Blip.fm.

Today I was chatting with Twitter about my music guilty pleasures. I think they become guilty pleasures when my husband makes fun of my for listening to them. You may have to check my blip.fm stream to get the whole story but let’s just say John Denver and Boys II Men were both mentioned.

Obviously, I’ll be inquiring about your guilty pleasures but we also need to talk about the Rolling Stones. Without further ado:

1) What is you guiltiest, guilty pleasure song?*

2) What is your favorite song by The Rolling Stones?**

3) What is the best new album you have heard this year?

4) Name one song that changed your life.

5) What is your favorite song of all time?

*Don’t be shy. Would it make you feel better if I told you I had “Africa” by Toto on my iPod?

What if I told you I knew the harmonies?

** Funniest Stones Cover Ever. Start Me Up by The Folksmen from A Mighty Wind. (for some reason there is no video, but you can listen to it on YouTube.)