I Am Going to Pretend I Didn’t See This

Originally uploaded by GoonSquadSarah

I said: “Yes. This might sound strange, but I am looking for the Wienermobile.”

All three of us stifled back some laughter and he said “Actually, I know exactly what you are talking about and it was parked out front earlier.”

I was excited. When I woke up that morning I saw this from my hotel room window.

THE WIENERMOBILE!

I know. It is kind of stupid, but did you know that they don’t just let anybody ride in The Wienermobile? I know this because the commoners who were walking by (and by commoners I mean people who weren’t at my conference) weren’t allowed on. But the wiener lady let Laurie and I get into the giant hot dog!

We’re laughing like that because the wiener lady would not stop saying things like “Does one of you want to sit shot bun?” and “We’re all wieners” and “It is bunderful.”

Really. She did. And she did it deadpan.

And she didn’t stop as we drove around Houston.

To be frank with you it was fairly surreal.

The wiener lady gave me these stickers. That said “I tweeted from the Wienermobile”.

So I did.

And it was good.

When we got back to the hotel we ran into Tanis and took some more pictures because 1) It was a blogging conference and that is what we do and 2) IT WAS THE FUCKING WIENERMOBILE!

You would think that that would be the end of my story, but you would be wrong.

When I got back to The Four Seasons I ran into my new friend Paula who had hours earlier uncovered a Wienermobile conspiracy! Paula had been for a wiener  ride (not a euphemism) earlier and she asked the wiener guy about the Wienermobile that crashed into a house in Wisconsin last July. He denied that it was a crash and instead the weenie driver backed up under somebody’s porch and got stuck, but FOX News reported the driver lost control.

And the video is gone.

Paula is a self-proclaimed sausage expert. I’m not kidding. She had almost as many sausage related anecdotes as the wiener girl had hot dog puns (or hot dog buns if you will). Cover up? Conspiracy? Story nobody cares about? You be the judge.

Either way, I got to ride in the Wienermobile.

I’ve been laughing about it for three days.

Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

He swears it says Jack.

January

February

Life Should Not Imitate “Trainspotting”

March

The Sex Talk Aftermath

April

Turn, Turn, Turn

Woody Harrelson Mistakes Paparazzi for Zombies

May

Penis Envy? Not Me.

June

How do you do a Kiwi?

July

When Mommy Travels

Hot Chicks in Centre Court with a Side of Racism

Michael Jackson’s Ghost Tries to Straighten Out Amy Winehouse

August

I am the only one that gets to make my kids cry.

September

Back Door Friend

Top Chef Episode IV: A New Hope

October

November

December

White Belt

Well thanks for reading me this year. I really do appreciate it.

Now in a gross act of blatantly copying a friend of mine I will ask you what you wrote, or photographed, or did that you loved this year. Links are encouraged in the comments.

And Happy New Year.

Or I was too lazy, but definitely one of those two things.

Before

After

Obviously, I manned up and got my haircut by a new(ish)* person. I am very pleased with the results.

Tomorrow we will see if I can replicate the good work she did today.

___

* I forgot but I went to her a couple of years ago. I didn’t go again because she smashed her finger with a hammer or something equally bizarre. I just know that it was something that made me think she needed to heal before I went back there to get my hair done.