I walked into the kids bathroom today and I thought What the hell ? And then I thought Hey, this is just a caption contest waiting to happen.
So have at it.
Sell photos on photrade | By GoonSquadSarah
Claudia just told me that I was going to have a “Big, big brown surprise”.
I feel fairly confident that she isn’t referring to the big brown machine.
Oh, she just said it will be “The biggest surprise you have ever seen”.
The good news: She is sitting on the potty. We may be in the midst of a breakthrough.
The bad news: I’m kind of scared.
Update: She was not kidding. She wasn’t kidding on any accounts.
I’m not sure how many of you care about this, but the NFL preseason started last night.
I am giddy. I love watching football. I’m gearing up for my fantasy football drafts. (That’s right. You heard me. Drafts. More than one. Probably more than three, but that is neither here nor there.)
Aaah. Football season. It is the only time of year I get to bring up Najeh Davenport pooping in a laundry basket without seeming like a freak.
Come on. It is funny and you know it.
While we’re on the subject, did you know there was a Poop Report? I blame the potty training for my recent fascination. It isn’t even 9:00 am and Ian is on his fouth pair of underwear. All potty training suggestions are welcome here.
Did any of the rest of you catch it last night when someone (my guess is Cris Collinsworth) referred to Davenport as “the number two receiver”? I heard snickering in the booth. Good times.
Mrs. Chicky tagged me for a Mother’s day meme, so I started this whole lovely post honoring my mom, but then I Mother’s Day came and went and now I feel stupid posting it, so I’m skipping it. (Sorry Mom and Mrs. Chicky)
In fact, while my Mother’s Day was lovely, it was eclipsed by The Goon Squad’s third birthday. I’ll have more pictures later, but first I wanted to show you guys something that just couldn’t wait.
Ian and Claudia had a Dora the Explorer themed cake. This is a picture of the cake topper.
Doesn’t it look like Boots just gave Dora a dirty sanchez?
Gabe thinks it looks like Boots is about to give her a donkey punch.
Ugh. Now go win us each $1000 on blingo. My children are going to need the money for therapy.
I don’t really want to be one of those Mommybloggers that talks about poop all of the time, but sometimes these things come up. Especially since I’m in the middle of very half-assed attempt at potty training The Goon Squad.
Really, my current method of potty training is talking about pee and poop all day and watching “Elmo’s Potty Time”
So, Claudia followed me into the bathroom this morning, which is completely normal. I am rarely in the bathroom alone, and when I am companionless, I am generally nervous about what the two of them are doing so quietly. The strange part is what she said to me.
“Mommy, be careful pooping.”
“Why?” I asked her.
“I don’t want you to get diarrhea.” says my two year old. My children are obsessed with diarrhea. (I don’t know where they get that?)
Whatever. I am choosing to think that it is sweet that Claudia is concerned with my well-being.
You are going to think I am a huge dork, but (as those of you who are my Netflix friends probably saw and already made fun of me) I got Elmo’s Potty Time
I haven’t had much luck getting my kids to care about using the bathroom. I know, they are only two and a half and most of the parents I talk to about toilet training say that their kids didn’t learn until they were three, but still, I am willing to try a lot of things just to get them interested.
The Elmo DVD came in the mail today. (I totally want to make out with Netflix) When The Goon Squad found out I actually got a DVD for them they were very excited. They wanted to watch it right away.
As they were watching it, I noticed that Claudia was alternately watching the Elmo thing and playing in her dollhouse. I went over to see what she was doing and…
I guess this is where I backtrack for a minute and tell you that my Mom has been upset for a while that there was no Grandma for the dollhouse. I found one at Target just before Christmas and so “Santa” gave Claudia a grandmother and a brother set to add to her collection of people. (You can all see exactly where this is going, right?)
You guessed it:
The Grandma was pooping on the potty!
Good for the Grandma. Good for Claudia.
Now I just have to figure out a way to make this skill transfer to Ian and Claudia, because of course during the first viewing (that’s right, they wanted to watch it again immediately) both kids pooped in their diapers.
Or, I wish it stayed in their diapers. Ian actually had a Code Brown: Level 2.
Anyway, thank you to whoever told me that I could get the Elmo Potty DVD on Netflix. I can’t remember who it was, but feel free to take credit. If this works I owe you.
On Saturday Claudia and I were in Sunglass Hut in the mall. I was trying on sunglasses and Claudia was helping me by touching all of the lenses.
At some point she noticed that her father and brother were no longer with us and she said “Where Daddy Ian go?” (She talks in complete sentances, but she doesn’t like to waste her time with any pesky conjunctions.) I told her that they had gone to the restroom to change Ian’s diaper.
This must have given her the idea, because all of the sudden, my delicate little flower yells “I HAVE DIARRHEA!” Even though it sounded more like dia-wea I’m still pretty sure everyone else knew exactly what she was talking about. Being the mature adult that I am, I doubled over laughing and so she yelled it again. “I HAVE DIARHEA!”
The strangest part about it is that it wasn’t even true. I checked her diaper and she didn’t even have solid poop. Nothing. She was barely wet.
My baby girl has learned about bathroom humor. I think she’s a riot.
* Dung.
Thank you to Monty Python’s Flying Circus for my favorite poop joke.
