One time my mom called me all freaked out about geotagging. Apparently my sister-in-law told her that people could find out where you were by looking at a picture you took if you weren’t careful. Not only did I already know that, I clearly don’t care if people care where I am. You can tell […]

Non Sequitur

The funniest joke I heard all day as told by my four year old neighbor, Todd: (Laurie and Suebob should stop reading now) Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Diarrhea. I turned my head as his mother scolded him for that kind of talk at the table because I was laughing and […]

Musings from an Airplane

I was just in the airplane bathroom (no, this is not about poop) when I noticed the lovely wallpaper. I think my questions are obvious: 1)   There is wallpaper in the airplane lavatories? I have to pay $25 per bag and six bucks for a shitty sandwich and United is spending money on wallpapering the […]

Bon Jovi was Mistaken. The Hardest Part is not the Night.

The hardest part about being a parent – besides the sleep deprivation and all of the crushing responsibility – is keeping a straight face when I say things like “Pu-pu platters are not funny!” or “Nobody wants to see you shaking your butt all day long.” or “That isn’t really called an upper nut.” Full […]

Life Is Just Funny

On Saturday I was on a panel at the Mom 2.0 Summit in Houston. The moderator, Holly Buchanan, asked me how I found funny things to write about all of the time. Of course I am paraphrasing, but I said something along the lines of “Life is funny, and I am easily amused.” Just to […]

Ain’t Nothing But a Twin Thing

* * * The irony is that neither can read or write very well, but they are already using social media of sorts. They are calling it “Chat Room”. The apples don’t fall very far from the tree.

The Phone, The Fight, The Santa Lie and Poop

I made the mistake of telling them that they could answer the phone when I was in the shower. Yes, I am talking about my five year olds and no, I have no idea what I was thinking. I realize you are expecting me to say that they ordered a years worth of Highlights magazines […]

Okay, but what should I do with all of the poop and pee?

I Don’t Ever Want to Know the Backstory on This Sign

How I Became the Most Hilarious Mother – Ever

This morning I told my kids that if they drank dish washing liquid they would toot bubbles. They think I am the greatest comedian that ever lived.

The Circle of Life

Last night my father taught my son how “pull my finger” works. It isn’t as if he waited until the twins were five to show them, but now Ian has the secret. You have to wait until you actually have to fart. Last night Ian pulled off his first effective job. He rushed over to […]

Penis Envy? Not Me.

As a woman, there are certain things about being a man that mystify me. Like, wouldn’t tight jeans be really uncomfortable? and If you are wearing boxers does it just fall out sometimes when you are walking around? and If you stand up to pee what happens when you are surprised by poop? Well lucky […]