Archive for the 'Potty Training' Category
As a woman, there are certain things about being a man that mystify me.
Like, wouldn’t tight jeans be really uncomfortable?
and
If you are wearing boxers does it just fall out sometimes when you are walking around?
and
If you stand up to pee what happens when you are surprised by poop?
Well lucky me. Guess which one of these questions was answered for me today?
(I’ll give you a moment to look back over your choices.)
Yes, as the proud mother of a five year old boy I found out exactly what happens when a person is taken off guard by a stealth poop while one is standing up to urinate.
For those people without children (or with all girls) what happens is a boy poops on the floor.
And his legs.
And his pants.
And his underpants.
And the bath mat.
So while the idea of peeing my name in the snow still seems kind of cool, for today I’ll just be happy that I sit down when I pee.
Just in case.
***
ps - And for those of you with all girls, this is your chance to gloat. You know the 5 year old boy wasn’t the one cleaning up the stray poo.
pps - I abstained from insterting a picture into this post. You are welcome.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
1:47 pm |
When I worked in an office never once did I have to get up from my desk to wipe someones butt.
Not once.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
11:45 pm |
A direct quote from Claudia:
“I am going to the bathroom and I am going to go poop and I am not calling you in to help me wipe because I am going to wipe all by myself and it is going to be a lot of poop. More poop than you ever had in your life. Hmph.”
Burn me.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
12:49 pm |
Dear Everyone Who Encouraged Me to Potty Train My Children,
My kids are four years old now and they are finally potty trained.
(Yeah, it took me two entire years to accomplish potty training. I consider it a long term goal.)
Yes, it is wonderful that I am saving buttloads of money on pull-ups and diapers. Yes, I appreciate the freedom of not having to change 8 – 20 diapers a day. (Twins, people.) Yes, I am glad they are no longer the only children in their class who aren’t toilet trained and that this is probably a huge step towards getting them out of the house and marrying them off.
I had been warned about boys peeing all over the toilet seat.
It wasn’t so much that I didn’t believe you. It is just that Gabe is really good about aiming (as far as I can tell) and apparently so were my Dad and brother. I don’t ever remember it being a big problem.
Even now, it isn’t so much the pee on the seat. When it is your baby boy’s pee it isn’t a big deal to be wiping it off the seat. I mean – I changed his diaper for FOUR YEARS I am familiar with his urine. The problem is the smell.
My kids entire bathroom smells like pee.
A lot.
It isn’t even that Ian is so bad at aiming. It is that he is really bad at focusing on the task at hand.
The other day he came out of the bathroom and informed me that he had a little accident. No, he didn’t pee in his pants. He peed all over the shower curtain.
How does one accidentally pee all over the shower curtain?
In short, while I am thrilled that my children are now housebroken I would like to warn all other mothers of boys who are not yet potty trained.
Be careful what you wish for.
Or just buy a lot of bleach.
Love,
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah
________________________
Don’t forget to check out the Perfect Post Awards. This month I awarded my buddy Stimey for her post How to Save Up for Your Vacation. It made me laugh. A lot.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
5:56 pm |
Me: Okay. I’m getting in the shower if anybody needs me.
Silence.
Me: Did you hear me? I will be in the shower if anyone needs anything.
Goon Squad: (not even looking up) Uh huh.
No more than two minutes later I hear running in the hall.
Claudia: Mommy! Mommy! Where are you?!
Me: I’M IN THE SHOWER!
Claudia: (Comes into the bathroom and trows open the shower curtain letting in a lot of cold air) Mommy! Mommy! It’s the greatest thing ever! Come see!
Me: I’m in the shower. What it it?
Claudia: It is the greatest thing ever! I’ll give you a hint. It goes in the potty and it isn’t yellow.
Me: What could it be?
Claudia: I pooped in the potty! You’ve got to come see it.
Me: Okay, when I get out of the shower I’ll come see your poop.
Claudia: Ok! (runs away)
42 seconds later I hear running in the hall and the bathroom door opens again.
Claudia: Mommy, when are you going to come look at my poop?
Me: I am in the shower. I am washing my hair.
Claudia: Can I see?
Shower curtain opens again, letting in more cold air.
Claudia: Oh. good job Mom.
Me: Thanks.
Claudia: How much longer will you be in the shower.
Me: 4 minutes.
One minute later the bathroom door opens again.
Sid: Meow. Meow. MEOW!
(You have got to be fucking kidding me)
Me: Sid, I am in the shower.
Small grey head pop inside the shower curtain letting in cold air.
Sid: Meow. Meow. meow.
Me: Let me guess. There is something brown in your litter box that I have to come see.
Claudia: (reappearing) Mommy! I see a kitty! What is Sid doing in the shower?
Me: I have no idea. Can I just shower in peace?
Curtain
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
6:20 pm |
