Nobody Tell Her I Told You This, Okay?

Potty training is hard. Eventually, after at least four years of diapers and at least two years of sticker charts, begging, bribing, yelling, accidents, wailing and gnashing of teeth we got both kids day trained. This meant that all day long things were cool. Everybody used the toilet as needed, and then at night they […]

Ain’t Nothing But a Twin Thing

* * * The irony is that neither can read or write very well, but they are already using social media of sorts. They are calling it “Chat Room”. The apples don’t fall very far from the tree.

Penis Envy? Not Me.

As a woman, there are certain things about being a man that mystify me. Like, wouldn’t tight jeans be really uncomfortable? and If you are wearing boxers does it just fall out sometimes when you are walking around? and If you stand up to pee what happens when you are surprised by poop? Well lucky […]

One Disadvantage of Working From Home

When I worked in an office never once did I have to get up from my desk to wipe someones butt. Not once.

Is She Threatening Me?

A direct quote from Claudia: “I am going to the bathroom and I am going to go poop and I am not calling you in to help me wipe because I am going to wipe all by myself and it is going to be a lot of poop. More poop than you ever had in […]

Ooooh That Smell

Dear Everyone Who Encouraged Me to Potty Train My Children, My kids are four years old now and they are finally potty trained. (Yeah, it took me two entire years to accomplish potty training. I consider it a long term goal.) Yes, it is wonderful that I am saving buttloads of money on pull-ups and […]

On the Upside, I Smell Much Better

Me: Okay. I’m getting in the shower if anybody needs me. Silence. Me: Did you hear me? I will be in the shower if anyone needs anything. Goon Squad: (not even looking up) Uh huh. No more than two minutes later I hear running in the hall. Claudia: Mommy! Mommy! Where are you?! Me: I’M […]

Not Your Average Pretend Shopping

Claudia was pretending to take her babies to the grocery store the other day. Gabe asked her what they were shopping for. She told him that she was going to buy her babies some stool softener. I think you all realize that I am not clever enough to make this up on my own. What […]

This Time I Will Answer the Question

Q: What kind of lunatic voluntarily pees demands to use the restroom in the grocery store, but pees in her pants when she is 15 feet away from her own, freshly cleaned bathroom and maybe 5 or 6 feet away from a training potty? A: This kind: [picture disappeared when photrade suddenly shut down] I […]

A Big Big Brown Surprise

Claudia just told me that I was going to have a “Big, big brown surprise”. I feel fairly confident that she isn’t referring to the big brown machine. Oh, she just said it will be “The biggest surprise you have ever seen”. The good news: She is sitting on the potty. We may be in […]

Toilet Training is Overrated

There is nothing like watching your son army crawling under the stall door in a public restroom to make you think –Huh, maybe I don’t want him to be potty trained after all.

Fine. Sit in your own feces. See if I care.

My kids still aren’t potty trained. As a bonus, they are reluctant to let me change their Pull Ups. I mean, I go out of my way to buy the kind with “cool alert” hoping that they will be uncomfortable and want to change. Anyway, we had a big morning where we ran a bunch […]