Archive for the 'Potty Training' Category
Dear Everyone Who Encouraged Me to Potty Train My Children,
My kids are four years old now and they are finally potty trained.
(Yeah, it took me two entire years to accomplish potty training. I consider it a long term goal.)
Yes, it is wonderful that I am saving buttloads of money on pull-ups and diapers. Yes, I appreciate the freedom of not having to change 8 – 20 diapers a day. (Twins, people.) Yes, I am glad they are no longer the only children in their class who aren’t toilet trained and that this is probably a huge step towards getting them out of the house and marrying them off.
I had been warned about boys peeing all over the toilet seat.
It wasn’t so much that I didn’t believe you. It is just that Gabe is really good about aiming (as far as I can tell) and apparently so were my Dad and brother. I don’t ever remember it being a big problem.
Even now, it isn’t so much the pee on the seat. When it is your baby boy’s pee it isn’t a big deal to be wiping it off the seat. I mean – I changed his diaper for FOUR YEARS I am familiar with his urine. The problem is the smell.
My kids entire bathroom smells like pee.
A lot.
It isn’t even that Ian is so bad at aiming. It is that he is really bad at focusing on the task at hand.
The other day he came out of the bathroom and informed me that he had a little accident. No, he didn’t pee in his pants. He peed all over the shower curtain.
How does one accidentally pee all over the shower curtain?
In short, while I am thrilled that my children are now housebroken I would like to warn all other mothers of boys who are not yet potty trained.
Be careful what you wish for.
Or just buy a lot of bleach.
Love,
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah
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Don’t forget to check out the Perfect Post Awards. This month I awarded my buddy Stimey for her post How to Save Up for Your Vacation. It made me laugh. A lot.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
5:56 pm |
Me: Okay. I’m getting in the shower if anybody needs me.
Silence.
Me: Did you hear me? I will be in the shower if anyone needs anything.
Goon Squad: (not even looking up) Uh huh.
No more than two minutes later I hear running in the hall.
Claudia: Mommy! Mommy! Where are you?!
Me: I’M IN THE SHOWER!
Claudia: (Comes into the bathroom and trows open the shower curtain letting in a lot of cold air) Mommy! Mommy! It’s the greatest thing ever! Come see!
Me: I’m in the shower. What it it?
Claudia: It is the greatest thing ever! I’ll give you a hint. It goes in the potty and it isn’t yellow.
Me: What could it be?
Claudia: I pooped in the potty! You’ve got to come see it.
Me: Okay, when I get out of the shower I’ll come see your poop.
Claudia: Ok! (runs away)
42 seconds later I hear running in the hall and the bathroom door opens again.
Claudia: Mommy, when are you going to come look at my poop?
Me: I am in the shower. I am washing my hair.
Claudia: Can I see?
Shower curtain opens again, letting in more cold air.
Claudia: Oh. good job Mom.
Me: Thanks.
Claudia: How much longer will you be in the shower.
Me: 4 minutes.
One minute later the bathroom door opens again.
Sid: Meow. Meow. MEOW!
(You have got to be fucking kidding me)
Me: Sid, I am in the shower.
Small grey head pop inside the shower curtain letting in cold air.
Sid: Meow. Meow. meow.
Me: Let me guess. There is something brown in your litter box that I have to come see.
Claudia: (reappearing) Mommy! I see a kitty! What is Sid doing in the shower?
Me: I have no idea. Can I just shower in peace?
Curtain
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
6:20 pm |
Claudia was pretending to take her babies to the grocery store the other day.
Gabe asked her what they were shopping for.
She told him that she was going to buy her babies some stool softener.
I think you all realize that I am not clever enough to make this up on my own. What kind of three year old even knows what stool softener is?
You know, someday my kids are going to be healthy and potty trained and I am going to have to quit blogging because I won’t have anything to write about.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
2:34 pm |
Q: What kind of lunatic voluntarily pees demands to use the restroom in the grocery store, but pees in her pants when she is 15 feet away from her own, freshly cleaned bathroom and maybe 5 or 6 feet away from a training potty?
A: This kind:
I mean good Christ! Have you been in a grocery store bathroom?
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
5:06 pm |
Claudia just told me that I was going to have a “Big, big brown surprise”.
I feel fairly confident that she isn’t referring to the big brown machine.
Oh, she just said it will be “The biggest surprise you have ever seen”.
The good news: She is sitting on the potty. We may be in the midst of a breakthrough.
The bad news: I’m kind of scared.
Update: She was not kidding. She wasn’t kidding on any accounts.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
4:03 pm |
