“Mommy, I can’t go to school today. My butt itches too much.”
Can you imagine the excuse letter?
Dear Preschool.
I regret to inform you that Claudia was unable to attend school on Wednesday because her butt itched too much.
Sincerely,
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah
That would probably go over pretty well, don’t you think?
Today it was my day to be the mommy in the classroom at our co-op preschool.
My favorite quote of the day came when I took Ian, Claudia and one other little girl to the bathroom. The other little girl (I won’t tell you her name, but if you are one of the other parents of a kid in our class you could probably guess) knows a lot about the difference between girls and boys. She said:
“Girls pee sitting down. Boys have squeezers.”
So far my kids have had three days of school. Well, one half day and two full days.
So far Ian has pooped in his pants every single day of school. The first two days he wore underpants.
Yesterday, the director of the school asked me to please bring him to school in pull ups. Not his teacher, the director. So, I am THAT mom. I am the one mom of the only two three year olds in the class that aren’t potty trained.
I am actually trying to decide if I should be embarrassed, frustrated, or if I should just laugh and be glad I didn’t have to change him those three times.
You hear that?
It is is the sound of silence.
I mean, I can hear the keys on the keyboard clicking, but that it the only sound around here.
Do you want to know why?
IT IS THE FIRST DAY OF PRESCHOOL!!!
Can I get a hallelujah?
I love my children. I really do, but it is so nice to be in a quiet house, even if I will only be here for about 45 minutes.
Preschool rules. I dropped the kids off, I went grocery shopping, I went to the drug store, I came home and put away all of the groceries and now I have time to post in peace.
Oh yeah, and someone is educating my children and getting them nice and socialized.
And did I mention that the Bucs won yesterday? And UCF had a very honorable showing on Saturday. They lost to Texas, but only by three points. Texas was ranked #6 people.
I’m having a really good week.*
For now, I shall enjoy the silence.
Shhh.
*Even though Matthew destroyed me at fantasy football.
Next Tuesday is The Goon Squad’s last day of preschool. Not their last day ever, but their last day in the two year old class.
As a parent of twins at a cooperative preschool, I have spent a lot of time in the classroom this year. Since there were 10 kids in their class I help out about every fifth school day. I completely expected that I would miss the teachers at the end of the year, but nobody told me how much I would miss the other kids in the class.
I know that some of the other kids will end up in Ian and Claudia’s class next year, but I’m sure all of them won’t. There are three different classes for three year olds and I’m not even all of the kids will even be staying at the school.
I guess I am going to have to actually start hosting playgroups. I’m so bad at that. Other moms have snacks and sometimes even parting gifts and their houses are clean. Hopefully the other moms like beer and doritos, and if the kids like goldfish and water we’ll be golden.
You know, even reasonable snacks and cleaning would be worth it. I am going to be devestated if I lose touch with these other eight children. How do all you teachers deal with this year after year?
I love kids. Not just my kids. I love most little kids, and I don’t mean that in the Lolita
I was dropping The Goon Squad off at preschool today and a little boy I had never met before came up to me and said:
Hi! My name is Michael. I am five and three quarters. Do you want to see what I can do?
And I knew. I knew immediately just exactly what he was going to show me. Michael shoved his hand up his shirt and into his armpit and made farting noises.
And it was still funny.
Kids are great. How can they be so predictable and so surprising all at the same time?
Claudia cries every time I drop her off at preschool.
Well, until last week she did. Now that we are in our last month of the two year old program she has decided that she likes school and she loves her teachers. She even (allegedly) pees in the potty at school.
I have been feeling really good about school and even though I am sad that this year is almost over and I will miss the two year old teachers I have been excited about next year.
When I picked up The Squad from school today I asked how their day was. Claudia said “Bad”.
My heart sunk.
Me: You had a bad day?
Claudia: I had a scary day.
Now I was nervous, but their teacher was standing right there looking perplexed.
Me: Why was it scary? What happened?
Claudia: The stegosaurus.
I don’t know who was more relieved, me or the teacher, but we both played along, Oh, was the stegosaurus on the playground? Was it big?
My kids talk about dinosaurs all day long. On the way to school this morning they said they were taking baby T-Rexes to school, but they were nice ones.
I’m glad they have vivid imaginations, but I was really nervous for a second. I don’t think I ever want to hear that one of my children had a scary day again. Even if they are joking. I love preschool. I love the kids and the school and I especially like the part where I get to go to the grocery store all by myself. I trust the teachers and the staff, and in a co-op situation I always feel like having another parent in the classroom is extra protection. No one would let something someone mistreat my kids when their own kid was in the same situation, right?
I am not really an overprotective hovering “helicopter” type parent. I want my children to grow up to be independent. I don’t want them to need me all of the time, but man, this letting go thing is tough sometimes.
There is this other mom in The Goon Squad’s preschool class (you know what I mean. Her kid is in their class). She is beautiful. She is always well dressed and fully made up. Until a couple of days ago she was really really pregnant.
When I first met her I was thinking you’ve got to be kidding me. Who looks this good when they are hugely pregnant and has a two year old. Who has time to do their toenails and hair and makeup when they are 35 weeks pregnant? All of her maternity outfits were cute and they all matched. She was probably a cheerleader in high school. She seemed nice enough but I thought I would end up hating her.
It turns out she is great. She is really friendly and nice and funny and very laid back. I like her a lot, even though I would put down good money that she weighed less than I do now at 40 weeks pregnant.
So last Wednesday we are dropping the kids off at school and she says (very nonchalantly) “Yeah, I’m having contractions. They are about eight minutes apart.”
Another mom and I start freaking out. “OH MY GOD! HAVE YOU CALLED THE DOCTOR? GO TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW!” etc.
She says “No. I’ll call if they get closer together.”
The rest of us begin to make plans on what to do with her kid because clearly she won’t be around to pick him up in three hours.
Three Hours Later
We are all picking the kids up. In walks this woman who is in labor. “Hi.”
“Did you call the doctor?”
“No I went shopping. The contractions are still eight minutes apart.”
“How can you remain so calm?”
“I don’t know.”
Five Days Later
I walk into preschool. I am disheveled. I am carrying a screaming girl. It is raining and I don’t even know where the raincoats I bought for the kids are. I see the formerly pregnant Mom standing in the classroom looking gorgeous.
“So?” I say.
“It a girl.” she says “I had her on Friday.” And she gestures at this perfect little angel in some sort of Laura Ashley outfit with a matching hat. This baby is not crying. She is sleeping peacefully.
The other mothers and I are all stunned. I say “At this point I was still in the hospital. You look great.” All the other moms agree and we laugh about what wrecks we were and someone else says “My daughter is two and a half and I’m still not right.”
How can she be so together? I’m pretty sure that this woman is younger than me. Is it wrong that I want to be like her when I grow up?
Tuesday was my first day co-opping at The Goon Squad’s preschool. It went pretty well except Ian bit three people.
Yeah. I know. He had never bitten anybody at school before Tuesday. They were pretty bad bites too. You could still see the teeth marks on one kid when his mom came to pick him up.
The worst part is that when he bit the first little girl, my very first thought wasn’t Oh, I hope she is okay. It was Oh, I can’t wait to call my Mom!
Yes. I was a biter too, I bit kids so much that my Mom had to actually bite me to get me to stop. Here’s the kicker, I didn’t bite kids in preschool, only in Sunday School.
That’s right. You heard me. I only bit the children at church. Maybe it was an early manifestation of my disdain for organized religion, or maybe I was teething, who knows.
I tried explaining to Ian why he shouldn’t bite the other children. I talked to him about how I used to bite kids and he smiled. I told him it wasn’t funny and I tried to teach him why it was mean and we discussed how he didn’t like it when Claudia bit him. I told him that Grandma had to bite me to get me to stop biting the kids in my class and I asked him if he wanted that? Did he want Grandma to have to bite him, or me to bite him or both? (I was rambling at this point because I wasn’t really sure I was getting through to him).
Ian nodded and said “Both”.
Great.
We talked about this again on the way to school yesterday morning (this was right before the sweater in the bush thing) and I thought this time I might be really getting through to him.
Can I call it progress if he only bit one little kid at school on Wednesday?
So far the other mothers have been really nice about it, but I’m wondering how many times one kid can get bitten before his parents freak out on me. Or worse, Ian keeps biting the only boy in the class who is bigger than him, so maybe this guy will beat the crap out of my little baby.
I honestly don’t think biting him will help. He has a twin sister, so he has been bitten before. He already knows that is hurts. Any other suggestions?
When I dropped The Goon Squad off at preschool this morning something strange happened.
As we were walking up to the school from the parking lot we passed a big bush. This particular bush had a sweater hanging in it. This particular sweater appeared to be mine.
Did I even know my sweater was missing? No. Do I have any idea how it got there? Maybe.
You see every day leaving school is a struggle. It isn’t so much that the kids love school so much that they want to stay, it is just that by the time I pick them up they are tired and hungry and we pass a million distractions on the way out.
The last thing the 2 year old classes do during the day is go out on the playground. So, you guys can imagine how difficult it is to get two two year olds off of a playground. Then we pass a chalk board, then we pass the sit and spins, then we pass Ian’s one true love, the drinking fountain.
Plus they have their school bags and any art projects that we can bring home, and did I mention they are both usually tired and grumpy?
My guess is that sometime during yesterday’s wrestling match on the way to the car, I had my sweater either around my waist or thrown over my shoulder so that I could have a free hand and I was so busy chasing the boy so that he didn’t get hit by a car that when I brushed past this bush my sweater stuck and I didn’t even notice it.
Either way, it is really unnerving to find an item of one’s clothing stuck in a bush. Especially in a public place.
Has this ever happened to anyone else?
