Unless you are purposely going for that bloated look I would recommend not eating an entire bag of cheddar Chex Mix. All by yourself. In one sitting. *** In related news, I may need to get my engagement ring re-sized, but hopefully this is just a temporary situation due to extraordinary salt intake. *** I [...]
If you have metal trivets that look like this try really hard not to drop them on your toes, especially if you have bare feet. Trust me on this one. That crap hurts. *whimper* In related news, four of my toes are purple.
I’ll tell you what really hurts. Getting cayenne pepper in your eye, that is what causes some pain.
I am not going to knock DayQuil or NyQuil. In fact, I love them both very deeply. What I am here to tell you is that if you take DayQuil after 5:30 pm don’t expect to be falling asleep any time before about midnight. Even if you go to bed at 9:00. Trust me on [...]
Say you are on a road trip and you spend one night in a hotel before driving 600 more miles to your destination. Make damn sure that you have BOTH children’s bears. Don’t just look under the bed. Be sure to look between the sheets and the comfortor too. You are welcome. (Not doing so [...]
If you happen to have one of these for the love of God, don’t show your children how to work the volume control. You are welcome. Now, where the hell did I put my Advil?
I just found the greatest thing since sliced bread. Mother’s Little Helper. Not the pills, the kid. Babysitters are good, but this is even better. Devra has an 11 1/2 year old, we’ll call him THE MANSITTER (I happen to have it on good authority that he likes to be referred to in all caps). [...]
You know how sometimes you get Chinese food and they give you a ton of white rice so you end up putting all of your leftovers in the downstairs refrigerator because there are just too many containers to fit in your regular fridge because it is kind of small. (Just play along with me here, [...]
I know I have a lot of male readers so I wanted to help you guys out. If your wife/girlfriend/significant other gets a hair cut, and you don’t say anything about it, she is going to think you hate it. As in, ‘if you can’t think of anything nice to say, don’t say anything at [...]