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White Belt

December 9, 2009 | Signs of the Apocalypse, Speak Up Sonny. I can't hear you., Sports, Tae Kwon Do

You will never guess what I did.

I signed up for Tae Kwon Do.

Well, I was tricked into signing up for Tae Kwon Do.

Let me back up a little bit.

My five year old son has been dying to take Tae Kwon Do ever since he found out that his best friend at preschool was taking it. I finally got around to signing him up for it a couple of weeks ago.

There was a special where you got your first four lessons and a do-bok (that is how you say little white outfit in Korean) for $79. It isn’t cheap, but he was all about it and my husband and I both thought he would get a lot out of it especially in the area of body control.

You know how little boys are always running in to things.

After two lessons (which he adored) his twin sister decided that she might like it too. So I signed her up.

Last Tuesday I took them in for his fourth lesson and her second lesson. Before the class even started I was whisked in to the office where the Master sat – not one of the underling masters but The Master, the main man, the guy that owns the joint.

It was time for the hard sell.

I don’t have the exact figures but signing the two of them up for a year came to somewhere around one million dollars.

Okay, it was significantly less than one million but also significantly more than I had in my bank account. In fact, thinking about it makes me want to vomit, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Both children love it, it is marvelous exercise and a lot of their friends from school are in there.

Then The Master says to me “What about you?”

I am thinking: There is no fucking way. There are like four other adults here in the kids classes and they all look like gigantic tool bags. The last thing I need to do is spend another $800 to look like an asshole.

My subconscious has a filthy mouth.

I am saying “No. I really can’t afford it.”

Then The Master drops the bomb. “I will give you one year for free if you take the class with the children. It helps them learn at home and stay involved.”

Oh Shit. I think. How can I turn down a year of free Tae Kwon Do? This would actually give me something to write about on Loser Moms.

The Master said that he would give me the free year, but I actually had to show up. If I didn’t actually take the classes he was going to charge me.

So I said yes.

But I was scared.

Really. I didn’t want to do it. My kids were through the roof excited, but I was very apprehensive.

I didn’t want to look like an idiot.

What if I sucked at it?

What if it was hard?

What if all of the five year olds were better than me?

But I had committed to this.

So yesterday I had my first lesson. It was awkward. I had no idea what the lady was saying. Some other parents I knew were there watching their children. But when we broke up in to groups I knew everybody in my group. It was me, Ian (5), Claudia (5), Paige (5) and Emma (6).

I think I probably did look like a tool, but it was kind of fun.

And I wasn’t too bad at it.

And Emma’s mom was really nice about it. She gave me a thumbs up and everything.

So yeah.

Goon Squad Sarah do-bok

My name is Sarah and I am a white belt in Tae Kwon Do.

***

Cross-Posted on Loser Moms

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 4:03 pm | 38 Comments  

They Must Be Learning Something at School

December 8, 2009 | Parenting, Signs of the Apocalypse, The Blue One, The Goon Squad, The Pink One, kindergarten

Ian: How do you spell we?spellng-b_b-e-e

Claudia: W – E .

Ian: No, not that kind of we.

Claudia: W – I – I .

Me: agape


Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 4:39 pm | 5 Comments  

There is Nothing Metal About Crying

December 5, 2009 | I Have Issues, Music, Parenting, Proof of My Immaturity, Signs of the Apocalypse, Son of a..., Speak Up Sonny. I can't hear you., The Pink One

Yesterday I told Twitter that Claudia loved grindcore.

Picture 3

I wasn’t just making it up either. We were making her a Pandora playlist. She wanted to thumbs up Children of Bodom and Amon Amarth.

When I told Gabe this story he said that those bands weren’t grindcore, maybe death core or black metal, but not grindcore.

At this point in the story I need to back up a few weeks. Gabe and I were having an argument about which one of us was more metal.

In our defense we had just been to three wine tastings, so it wasn’t like we just talk about this all of the time. Well, okay, maybe we do, but in this particular case we had been in Napa all day drinking wine.

We called the children and had a family vote. The vote was ‘Who in this family is the most metal?”

Gabe voted for Gabe.

Ian voted for Ian.

I voted for myself.

Claudia voted for Ian, Claudia and Daddy.

This vote would make Gabe and Ian tied for the most metal and me and the girl who has both Barbies and Polly Pockets on her Christmas list tied for least metal.

I skipped my Sophomore homecoming dance to go to a Sepultura show. I sang on an Iced Earth album. I’ve been to Morbid Angel’s house. I grew up in Tampa! How could I possibly be the least metal person in any family?

But as I found myself reading the wiki for grindcore I kind of wanted to cry because a truly metal person wouldn’t need to google a wiki (which would be a fantastic name for a disco band) to distinguish between grindcore and deathcore. Would they?

And there is nothing metal about crying.

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 11:08 am | 15 Comments  

Scariest Pop Up Ad Ever

October 11, 2008 | I Just Logged On My Internet, Signs of the Apocalypse

If you can’t read it says FInd Children: Find the widest variety of children on the web. Buy Now!

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 10:07 am | 16 Comments  

*Gag*

September 13, 2008 | I Love Beer, Now I've Seen Everything, Signs of the Apocalypse

The Gagging Sounds are Coming from Me

Originally uploaded by Sarah606

In all honesty, while neither is my first choice of beverage, I have no prejudices against Budweiser or Clamato.

It is the thought of the two of them mixed together that makes me wretch.

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @ 1:22 pm | 30 Comments  
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