Archive for the 'Son of a...' Category
*clears throat*
Listen here, Hanna because I have a couple of things I would like to say to you.
1) I didn’t leave sunny Florida and learn how to drive in snow to live through hurricanes. I live HOURS from the beach. Hurricanes are unacceptable.
2) Enough with the power flashing on and off. I am sick to death with starting all of my posts over and over. This is also very pesky when it comes to all of the e-mails I have to send for my preschool job (why did I agree to be on the board again?). I have enough stress today without having to reboot my computer and reset every clock in the house once an hour.
3) My satellite is out.
This is where I really take offense. Do you know that the UCF v USF game is on at 7:00? Do you know I told all of my USF and UCF friends in the area to come over and watch my college get pummeled by Gabe’s college tonight? This will be a very boring football game if there are six of us gathered around my monitor watching the live scoreboard on CBS Sportsline for three hours.
So listen up Hanna (If that is even your real name. What kind of storm spells Hannah without the “h” on the end anyway?) cut it out, hurry up and blow by.
And while you are at it stop flooding the road between my house and the beer store.
Posted by Sarah @
3:04 pm |
Guess what I did first thing this morning?
You’ll never guess in a bazillion years. Well, maybe in a bazillion, but I doubt if you would guess any time soon so I will just tell you.
I was standing in front of my closet perplexed. I went shopping on Sunday and I could have sworn I bought a red shirt at Ann Taylor. (Don’t get me started, Ann Taylor pisses me off but I like their clothes. I wish I didn’t. I hate stores that have petite sections and not tall sections. I think it is heightist.) I looked through my closet five times before I realized that I didn’t remember putting it away.
I knew what I had done. Son of a bitch. I threw it away with the bag. Today is trash day.
At 7:40 this morning I was out at the end of my driveway retrieving a $40 shirt with tags still on it out of my garbage can.*
I wonder what my neighbors will have to say about this one?
* No, I didn’t wear it.
Posted by Sarah @
3:34 pm |
No offense to Georgetown. I mean - I was born in Ohio, but that isn’t really the problem. The problem is that I am going on a 627 mile road trip tomorrow. It is going to be just the kids and me. We’re going to take two days to make the trek to Atlanta. (Sorry Nonny, if I don’t tell them we’re going to Atlanta this post makes no sense.)
I just realized that the Final Four is in Atlanta.
Here is my concern. If Georgetown wins, there is a good chance that Ian, Claudia, me and 15,000 crazed Hoyas will be driving from D.C. to Atlanta. There will be traffic and State Troopers every 10 miles trying to cash in on the speeders.
So, you can see my interest in Ohio State winning the game. I mean - a big part of my plan to get through a road trip like this with two year old twins was driving really, really fast. How am I going to do that with all of those other people in my way?
Help me out here. Please, root against Georgetown.
GO BUCKEYES!
(Don’t be jerks. I said please.)
Posted by Sarah @
11:09 pm |
A PSA from SATGS: Don’t leave your children unattended with crayons.
You may already have known this. I should have known this. That will teach me to try to do dishes.
When I asked Ian why he colored on my wall (and the hardwood floor and his play kitchen) he very casually said:
“Don’t worry about it.”
Posted by Sarah @
5:47 pm |
Just when you think you don’t have anything interesting to write about, life happens.
First the cat threw up on my shoe.
I was just trying to leave playgroup. It was at someone’s house where you take your shoes off right when you walk in the door. I am in an area that is between the front door and the porch door. It is probably 3′ x 5′. I am in there with two kids and two cats. As I am trying to get Claudia’s shoes, Ian’s cowboy boots and my shoes on Ian opens the door and one of their cats runs outside.These are inside cats.
I run out into the rain in my socks and retrieve this cat out of the bushes. I don’t think he was that pleased that I was picking him up, but I did manage to get him back inside. Then my socks were soaking wet.
I am back in the 3′ X 5′ area again, but this time everything seemed to have multiplied. There were three cats and three children and me.
I got on one of Ian’s cowboy boots and a different cat threw up on my shoe.
Gross, but whatever. Now I have three moms (two of whom are extremely pregnant), five kids and three cats all trying to get out the door, and I am just trying to take my wet socks off and get The Squad’s shoes on, then the same cat barfs on my socks.
Son of a…
I go out in the rain, the cold rain in my bare feet and get both kids all strapped into the car. Claudia is yelling about being hungry. I try to give her a handful of goldfish, but she wants the whole bag.
I only have one bag of goldfish.
As any parent of two children knows, you can’t just give one two year old a huge bag of goldfish and expect them to share with their sibling. I figure maybe she will fall asleep on the ride and we can avoid a huge confrontation.
Click, click, click, click.
The car won’t start.
Now both kids are screaming. Claudia still wants goldfish and Ian is yelling about having poop on his shoe.
After a brief investigation, it turns out that the poop on the shoe thing is true.
Gross. I wipe it off with a bank envelope that I have in the car.
I call Gabe and he says that it sounds like my battery is dead. Fortunately, I have jumper cables and the person who was hosting the playgroup is still home and can pull her car right up to the front of my van.
Unfortunately, neither of us know how to jump start a car.
It all turned out okay, I called Gabe again and he told me what to do and I didn’t blow any of us up, and the car started.
And I only touched the things together and made sparks fly everywhere once.
We made it home fine. It turns out I do need a new battery. The car won’t start again. Just take my advice and don’t go to playgroup hoping that you will come home with something to write about. It might not be something cute.
So, how was your morning?
Posted by Sarah @
3:14 pm |
Do you want to know what sucks worse than spilling a beer in your lap?
Spilling a good expensive beer in your lap.
Spilling a good dark expensive beer in your lap.
Spilling your last dark expensive beer in your lap.
Do you want to know what sucks worse than spilling your last dark expensive special holiday beer in your lap?
Spilling your last dark expensive special holiday beer in your lap in your nicest chair.
While your husband is watching.
And laughing at you.
Do you want to know what sucks worse than spilling your last dark expensive special holiday beer in your lap in your nicest chair while your husband is watching and laughing at you?
Spilling a really full, really cold last dark expensive special holiday beer in your lap in your nicest chair while your husband is watching and laughing at you.
Oh, and it is even worse if by chance you are wearing a very absorbent pantiliner.
Do you want to know what is good about having a broken camera?
(I guess that question answers itself, doesn’t it?)
Posted by Sarah @
7:44 pm |
Let’s be honest. Really he just woke Ian up.
Okay, and while we’re telling the truth he woke them up by calling my house.
And right. It was actually a recording of John McCain.
He wanted me to vote Republican on Tuesday.
Listen here Johnny. If I wanted to re-elect a racist Senator I’d move to West Virginia or Tennessee.
Maybe that was uncalled for. But still, I hope that during the next election they stop letting them call my house. It’s driving me crazy. Can I get on some sort of no political call list? Do they really think that I will be swayed by a recording that bothers me after my kids go to sleep? Or during dinner? Do they really think I am going to stand there and listen to their whole spiel?
Grrrrr.
Is it almost over?
Don’t get me wrong. I am glad I get to vote. In fact I am taking the kids with me this year 1) because I want them to see the process and 2) I have no babysitter. I am just ready to be done with the insanity of this election.
That being said, I heard a political commentator on the radio the other day mention that at 12:01 on November 8th the 2008 Presidential Election begins. I’m guessing this is the part where living near DC gets really annoying. I hope the traffic gets worse! (That was sarcasm. It’s hard to type sarcasm.) I’d better go buy some more advil.
(I found this picture on a site called American Dinosaur. It cracked me up.)
*** Updated - My phone just rang and I had to rush out of the bathroom to get the phone. It was Laura Bush. That’s right. You heard me. Laura Bush just got me off of the toilet. I only got up because I thought it might have been Gabe or Lumpyhead’s Mom. Not even close. Stupid First ladies always bugging me when I’m in the bathroom. (Shut up, it’s not crass. I keep telling the kids that everybody poops.) Son of a…
Posted by Sarah @
1:33 pm |
Oh. My. Dad. (I really don’t expect anyone except Gabe to get that so just move on.)
I’ve got the stupid theme song to the stupid “Higglytown Heroes” stuck in my head.
Please, give me something else to sing.
Posted by Sarah @
2:36 pm |
Those thieving bitches over at Bitacle have now stolen my stuff too (if you are reading this on Bitacle, please stop supporting them now.)
I felt bad for the bloggers that this was happening to, but I figured I wasn’t cool enough to be on their radar. Apparently I was mistaken. I am much cooler than I suspected.
While we are on the subject of stealing, I totally stole this picture from the Sierra Nevada website. I figured they wouldn’t mind too much because I just ripped it off so that I could tell you that I just bought a six pack of it and it is damn tasty.
This is a non-paid, non-solicited advertisement. I just love beer.
While we are on the subject of solicited advertisements, my new buddy Charlie (yes, THE Charlie, the one who was giving bloggers free portable DVD players a while back) sent us a package of Reynolds Fun Shapes.
The kit I got also came with a disposable camera so that we could participate in a photo contest that they are running.
The kit was adorable. They sent stars, hearts and little ghost shapes for Halloween.
I took the Goon Squad out to the store and we bought a brownie mix to use then we came home and started the project.
Here is what I learned:
1) Two year olds are a little young for baking.
2) My kids LOVE to take pictures with disposable cameras.
3) I love brownies.
Okay, technically I already knew I loved brownies. I didn’t get any good pictures because I was usurped as photographer, but the brownies themselves were very cute and delicious. I think these would be really fun if your kids were a little bit older, but mine didn’t seem to get it.
Then again my kids aren’t always the best barometer for what is normal. Today Claudia told me she had a problem and when I asked what her problem was she said “dancing” and then she did a little dance.
I don’t get it either.
Posted by Sarah @
10:37 pm |
I just went out to get the newspaper and I stepped on a dead bird in my driveway.
It squeaked a little bit like a cat toy, but nope - dead bird.
Ew.
I just thought I’d share that with you guys. There is a dead bird in my driveway. It is little and cute and blue and it is no more. I hope I don’t get the bird flu.
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Posted by Sarah @
12:04 pm |
