Go ahead, click it, it is a sneak preview commercial.

Adorable, right? I love Amy Sedaris, I love Mean Joe Greene (even though he spent his entire career with the Steelers) and I love Downy Unstopables.

I don’t know if I have mentioned this in the past, but one time I saw Mean Joe Greene at the airport. True story. I wasn’t 100% sure it was him until just now when I saw him with this beard. It was totally him!

Seriously, the Downy Unstopables are cool. You put these little beads right into your washing machine and they seriously make things smell significantly better.

I’m not just saying that either. Remember I have a bed wetter.

You can shake up your boring laundry routine, Here, let Amy Sedaris show you how they work.

I want to be her when I grow up.

But here is the really important part. If your team has already been eliminated (like my beloved Buccaneers were sometime long before they lot their 10th consecutive game – yes I am bitter) it doesn’t mean that you can’t still win. On Sunday, every time a touchdown is scored  all you have to do is tweet “#touchdowny” to @downy and you could win prizes. You can win samples or Unstopable fan packages. I don’t really know what fan packages are, but in my mind they are awesome.

Since you will be watching the Super Bowl on Sunday anyway – you will be watching the Super Bowl right? There is something wrong with people who choose not to watch the Super Bowl. – make sure you are tuned in on time because the commercial will air live between 5:30 and 6:00.

* * *

Don’t miss Downy shaking up Super Bowl Sunday by recapturing the magic of the past and freshening up one of the game’s most memorable commercials.

This is a sponsored post.  Downy product and additional incentives were provided to me.  All opinions are my own. Downy didn’t even know about the airport thing.

You know, the song that they would play for you when you come up to bat?

Sports fans are nodding their heads and hitting the comment button. For the rest of you, think of them playing “Wild Thing” for Charlie Sheen in “Major League” when he came out of the bullpen.

Like these:

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

No, I haven’t been approached by a Major League Baseball team (although I am certain that is what you were all thinking) but I have been drinking beer with the guys from my husband’s job and when this subject was broached I knew I needed to really ruminate on it.

I must choose a batting song.

So as I do, I am turning to you to help me make this important life decision.

Here are songs on my shortlist:

Bad Reputation – Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
South Of Heaven- Slayer
Twist Of Cain – Danzig
Ace of Spades – Motörhead
Dies Irae – Verdi’s Requiem
The Usurper – Celtic Frost
A Fifth of Beethoven (Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony – Walter Murphy

Help me choose my batting song. Am I missing something really obvious? What would your batting song be?

* * *

Alice Cooper photo: David Guralnick

It isn’t gambling if you don’t have to ante up.

What are you waiting for? The tournament starts on Thursday!

The thing is, since I am going all the way to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to sit outside on January 1st and root for the Capitals I clearly needed a jersey.

Aside: Am I supposed to be calling them sweaters? They aren’t really sweaters, but they aren’t really jerseys either. So far nobody has corrected me, but it took people a long time to tell me that the word was “leggings” and not “leggins” so maybe you are all just being kind.

Whatever. My point is that I asked my parents to buy me a Caps jersey (or sweater) for my birthday, and they did and it is awesome.

Suck it, Pittsburgh.

And I have chosen Alexander Semin as my guy because:

1) He is awesome.

2) Heh. Semin.

3) One time he DMd me.

Fine, he DMd me or Laurie, but that is food enough for me. And he likes our Draft Day Suit. I guess he doesn’t watch a lot of basketball.

And you know that I love to spend money on athletes that contact me on twitter.

Oddly enough, all this gloating is just a vehicle to tell you that I got a superfly Caps jersey for my birthday and when I opened it my son almost lost his mind.

“You got a Capitals shirt! AWESOME!”

Then he said, “Can I have it when you grow out of it?”

I told him it was my 38th birthday and I wasn’t planning on growing anymore. I was particularly not planning on getting big enough to grow out of a shirt that a medium sized man could wear hockey pads under.

But since I am a good mom I also told him that he was welcome to borrow it.

As soon as he grows in to it.

* I guess technically Kim got the tickets. She was just gracious enough to sell one of them to a lowly Caps fan. Kim was also kind enough to fix my photos so that they weren’t all mirror images (curse you photobooth!) even though I titled one of my pictures “Semin, bitches.”

Basically, I need Johnny Knox to score at least 14 more fantasy points than Sidney Rice this evening in order to keep my fantasy football season alive.

In December. In an outside, nationally televised game. It will be snowing.

Don’t judge me. I had Frank Gore and Tony Romo.

Do you see that Mike Vick bullshit up there? He had 3 points at halftime. THREE! Stupid second half comeback. Stupid 45 points. That man sold his soul, I tell you. I would have won this handily if it weren’t for that guy.

I’m no tactical football guru, but I’m guessing that at 18 degrees Fahrenheit with a windchill that makes it feel like -1 there won’t be a ton of long passing plays. I mean, I could be wrong, glove technology may have come a long way but can you even imagine what it would feel like to catch a football in that weather? Ouch!

Go #13!

It is no secret that men’s basketball has a larger audience. You can say “No! No! Really! Our high school girls team is the state champ! We sell out every game!” and that may be true, but deep down inside you know that this is an exception and not a rule. Men’s basketball does better at every level: little league, Jr. high, high school, college, professional and international.

I guess that is why FIBA – the International Basketball Federation, or Fédération Internationale de Basket-ball – is considering lowering the hoop in the women’s game.

FIBA wants to see if it will make the women’s game more “attractive”.

*seethes*

At the first ever women’s basketball summit they also discussed new uniforms to appeal to a wider audience.

Now, before I completely flip my lid, I should let you know that FIBA and the International Olympic Committee already have smaller balls for the women’s game.

The game as it is is a good game, but we have a large majority of women’s basketball players that don’t have that size and there are questions whether the game is as attractive as it really could be if you were able to play over the basket rather than under the basket.”

Karlovy Vary

Do people really believe that I watch basketball for the dunks? If that were the case I would watch the annual slam-dunk contest and just watch hockey for the rest of basketball season. NO! That isn’t why I watch men or women’s basketball. I watch basketball because I love the game. I buy tickets because I like basketball. Playing over the basket is great, but it is not going to determine where I spend my money.

When it comes to women’s basketball Jayda Evans always says it best.

Say what? To be frank, this has to be the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard at this point in the women’s game. What needs to happen globally is attention to coaching or maybe more cooperation with the WNBA so that more international stars could play in a league with the world’s best. Then skill would improve and that would draw more appeal globally.

Lowering the rim? For what? A cheap dunk? Please. FIBA should know by now that the game of basketball is more than dunking. A wicked crossover or three-pointer can be just as exciting — especially if in a close game that seals a victory. Just ask any Sue Bird fan.

As a feminist I am insulted. FIBA is suggesting that girls can’t handle the big balls (no pun intended) and women can’t play over the net.

Oh really? Let’s ask Brittney Griner.

I am not going to sit here and tell you that women and men are exactly the same, any five year old in a bathtub could tell you different. What I will say and what I do believe is that women’s basketball is doing just fine with the basket where it is. Lowering the hoop cheapens the ladies’s game.

I have a much better idea on a way to make the women’s game more attractive. Show it some fucking respect.

Since I am at least 60% brain dead I will turn the floor over to you, my faithful readers.

Tell me:

1) Who do you think is going to the Super Bowl this year?

2) What is your favorite wine?

3) What is your favorite tv show that is on right now?*

4) What is your favorite iPhone app?

5) What should I write about next week?

*Not like right now, right now, but on this season.

Even if you don’t like sports, this site will crack you up.

Please do yourself (and me) a favor and go check it out.

I signed up for Tae Kwon Do back in December. I was taking with my kids and it was fun… ish, but then it turned out that even though I was in a class with my kids we were learning different things. They needed one skill set to get their yellow belts and I needed another, adult, skill set that involved blocks and things I don’t understand. So I would be separated from my kids in class if there were two or more instructors.

If there was only one instructor that day I would just do whatever the little kids did.

Just as I was becoming more and more frustrated it was time to test.

I was not ready for my yellow belt testing. The kids were all set. They could count to 10 in Korean, they knew the focuses and they knew the pattern/yelly thing that probably has a name that I don’t know and they were prepared to break some boards.

I just wanted to use that 30 minutes to walk over to Trader Joe’s to get something to make for dinner.

I kind of stopped going, but the master shamed me into coming back.

But it gets better – or worse. It costs $50 per person to test for a belt.

$50 x 3 = $150

Each person needs their own sparring gear once one advances to the yellow belt. Each set of sparring gear costs $190.

$190 x 3 = $570

Here comes the math joke.

$150 + $570 > Sarah is willing to spend to make an ass out of herself in front of people.

I don’t mind spending a lot of money for something my children enjoy. Hell, I don’t mind spending disgusting amounts of money on things that I enjoy. I figured I was not getting $240 worth of enjoyment out of Tae Kwon Do and so I should quit and spend that money on a nice gym membership.

So I tried to quit again.

Again, the master shamed me. Do it for the children!

Fine.

But I went home and thought about it. How is he going to argue with me if I don’t have the money, because really, isn’t that why he wants me there in the first place?

After The Goon Squad earned their yellow belts I took my children to the little kid class. The ones adults aren’t supposed to go to. I am very tricky.

The master asked me why I wasn’t coming to class.

I told him it was too much money to buy all of the equipment for sparring and that I didn’t know my blocks and I just wasn’t feeling it.

HE TRICKED ME AGAIN!

He told me that I didn’t have to test and I didn’t have to buy all of the equipment and that money should not be the thing stopping me from setting a good example for my children. He said if it came down to it and I really couldn’t afford it I could help out by answering phones there in the studio.

He was so nice! He was so reasonable! I don’t have to give him any money!

The problem is that I really, really just don’t want to do it. It isn’t that I am lazy. I have been out walking almost every day and I do my elliptical at least five times a week. I just don’t want to do this.

And I have no idea how to quit.

***

Last week skier Lindsey Vonn was in the news because some jerk in the media suggested that Vonn would have an advantage in the downhill events because she was carrying extra weight, so I was pleased when I saw this week’s cover of Sports Illustrated because I thought Vonn looked terrific.

See? Adorable. The assholes who said she was fat should feel stupid and mean. She looks great right?

This whole thing should be so exciting, women athletes rarely grace the front cover of Sports Illustrated. Hell, women rarely appear on the front cover of SI unless it is the swimsuit issue. I was very pleased when I saw this, a woman athlete, an olympic sport this close to the Super Bowl! Not that I am knocking the Super Bowl in any way. I love the Super Bowl almost as much as I love bacon but it was nice to see something different for a change.

Sadly, things just couldn’t stay nice. People can’t just shut up and be happy for a nice all-American skier, can they? Nope.

“Oh,” cry the women, “she is being objectified!”

No. She really isn’t.

That is what skiers wear. Yes, the pose is exaggerated but it is photography. The photograph is cool. If you see that magazine cover and think about sex maybe the problem lies within because when I see that picture I think about skiing.

As my friend Laurie put it when we were discussing Lindsay Vonn yesterday, “she can’t win, obviously – she’s either cheating to win because she’s fat or she’s hot bending over.”

Women athletes are objectified all of the time – don’t even get me started on Danica Patrick or Anna Kournakova – this is not one of those times.

Let’s all take a deep breath and be excited for the Olympics and skiing and Lindsey Vonn.

Just to set the record straight.

This is an example of Sports Illustrated objectifying a female athlete.

This is not.

See the difference?

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