Even if you don’t like sports, this site will crack you up.

Please do yourself (and me) a favor and go check it out.

I signed up for Tae Kwon Do back in December. I was taking with my kids and it was fun… ish, but then it turned out that even though I was in a class with my kids we were learning different things. They needed one skill set to get their yellow belts and I needed another, adult, skill set that involved blocks and things I don’t understand. So I would be separated from my kids in class if there were two or more instructors.

If there was only one instructor that day I would just do whatever the little kids did.

Just as I was becoming more and more frustrated it was time to test.

I was not ready for my yellow belt testing. The kids were all set. They could count to 10 in Korean, they knew the focuses and they knew the pattern/yelly thing that probably has a name that I don’t know and they were prepared to break some boards.

I just wanted to use that 30 minutes to walk over to Trader Joe’s to get something to make for dinner.

I kind of stopped going, but the master shamed me into coming back.

But it gets better – or worse. It costs $50 per person to test for a belt.

$50 x 3 = $150

Each person needs their own sparring gear once one advances to the yellow belt. Each set of sparring gear costs $190.

$190 x 3 = $570

Here comes the math joke.

$150 + $570 > Sarah is willing to spend to make an ass out of herself in front of people.

I don’t mind spending a lot of money for something my children enjoy. Hell, I don’t mind spending disgusting amounts of money on things that I enjoy. I figured I was not getting $240 worth of enjoyment out of Tae Kwon Do and so I should quit and spend that money on a nice gym membership.

So I tried to quit again.

Again, the master shamed me. Do it for the children!

Fine.

But I went home and thought about it. How is he going to argue with me if I don’t have the money, because really, isn’t that why he wants me there in the first place?

After The Goon Squad earned their yellow belts I took my children to the little kid class. The ones adults aren’t supposed to go to. I am very tricky.

The master asked me why I wasn’t coming to class.

I told him it was too much money to buy all of the equipment for sparring and that I didn’t know my blocks and I just wasn’t feeling it.

HE TRICKED ME AGAIN!

He told me that I didn’t have to test and I didn’t have to buy all of the equipment and that money should not be the thing stopping me from setting a good example for my children. He said if it came down to it and I really couldn’t afford it I could help out by answering phones there in the studio.

He was so nice! He was so reasonable! I don’t have to give him any money!

The problem is that I really, really just don’t want to do it. It isn’t that I am lazy. I have been out walking almost every day and I do my elliptical at least five times a week. I just don’t want to do this.

And I have no idea how to quit.

***

Last week skier Lindsey Vonn was in the news because some jerk in the media suggested that Vonn would have an advantage in the downhill events because she was carrying extra weight, so I was pleased when I saw this week’s cover of Sports Illustrated because I thought Vonn looked terrific.

See? Adorable. The assholes who said she was fat should feel stupid and mean. She looks great right?

This whole thing should be so exciting, women athletes rarely grace the front cover of Sports Illustrated. Hell, women rarely appear on the front cover of SI unless it is the swimsuit issue. I was very pleased when I saw this, a woman athlete, an olympic sport this close to the Super Bowl! Not that I am knocking the Super Bowl in any way. I love the Super Bowl almost as much as I love bacon but it was nice to see something different for a change.

Sadly, things just couldn’t stay nice. People can’t just shut up and be happy for a nice all-American skier, can they? Nope.

“Oh,” cry the women, “she is being objectified!”

No. She really isn’t.

That is what skiers wear. Yes, the pose is exaggerated but it is photography. The photograph is cool. If you see that magazine cover and think about sex maybe the problem lies within because when I see that picture I think about skiing.

As my friend Laurie put it when we were discussing Lindsay Vonn yesterday, “she can’t win, obviously – she’s either cheating to win because she’s fat or she’s hot bending over.”

Women athletes are objectified all of the time – don’t even get me started on Danica Patrick or Anna Kournakova – this is not one of those times.

Let’s all take a deep breath and be excited for the Olympics and skiing and Lindsey Vonn.

Just to set the record straight.

This is an example of Sports Illustrated objectifying a female athlete.

This is not.

See the difference?

]]> http://sarahandthegoonsquad.com/2010/02/05/lindsey-vonn-sports-illustrated-and-objectification/feed/ 26 http://sarahandthegoonsquad.com/2010/01/25/love-sports/ http://sarahandthegoonsquad.com/2010/01/25/love-sports/#comments Mon, 25 Jan 2010 21:37:43 +0000 Goon Squad Sarah http://sarahandthegoonsquad.com/?p=4119 Please help up get sports / women’s sports/ sportswriting represented on a panel at BlogHer this year.

All you have to is vote I would attend this session.

You don’t have to be attending BlogHer, you don’t have to be a woman, heck, I don’t even really care if you like sports but I do care that sports and especially women’s sports are undervalued in the media and have never even been discussed at a BlogHer conference.

Please just sign in to your BlogHer account and vote, yes, I would attend this session.

http://www.blogher.com/female-athletes-unspoken-sisterhood

I’ll be your best friend.

Women athletes and sportswriters everywhere thank you.

[photo]

I signed up for Tae Kwon Do.

Well, I was tricked into signing up for Tae Kwon Do.

Let me back up a little bit.

My five year old son has been dying to take Tae Kwon Do ever since he found out that his best friend at preschool was taking it. I finally got around to signing him up for it a couple of weeks ago.

There was a special where you got your first four lessons and a do-bok (that is how you say little white outfit in Korean) for $79. It isn’t cheap, but he was all about it and my husband and I both thought he would get a lot out of it especially in the area of body control.

You know how little boys are always running in to things.

After two lessons (which he adored) his twin sister decided that she might like it too. So I signed her up.

Last Tuesday I took them in for his fourth lesson and her second lesson. Before the class even started I was whisked in to the office where the Master sat – not one of the underling masters but The Master, the main man, the guy that owns the joint.

It was time for the hard sell.

I don’t have the exact figures but signing the two of them up for a year came to somewhere around one million dollars.

Okay, it was significantly less than one million but also significantly more than I had in my bank account. In fact, thinking about it makes me want to vomit, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Both children love it, it is marvelous exercise and a lot of their friends from school are in there.

Then The Master says to me “What about you?”

I am thinking: There is no fucking way. There are like four other adults here in the kids classes and they all look like gigantic tool bags. The last thing I need to do is spend another $800 to look like an asshole.

My subconscious has a filthy mouth.

I am saying “No. I really can’t afford it.”

Then The Master drops the bomb. “I will give you one year for free if you take the class with the children. It helps them learn at home and stay involved.”

Oh Shit. I think. How can I turn down a year of free Tae Kwon Do? This would actually give me something to write about on Loser Moms.

The Master said that he would give me the free year, but I actually had to show up. If I didn’t actually take the classes he was going to charge me.

So I said yes.

But I was scared.

Really. I didn’t want to do it. My kids were through the roof excited, but I was very apprehensive.

I didn’t want to look like an idiot.

What if I sucked at it?

What if it was hard?

What if all of the five year olds were better than me?

But I had committed to this.

So yesterday I had my first lesson. It was awkward. I had no idea what the lady was saying. Some other parents I knew were there watching their children. But when we broke up in to groups I knew everybody in my group. It was me, Ian (5), Claudia (5), Paige (5) and Emma (6).

I think I probably did look like a tool, but it was kind of fun.

And I wasn’t too bad at it.

And Emma’s mom was really nice about it. She gave me a thumbs up and everything.

So yeah.

My name is Sarah and I am a white belt in Tae Kwon Do.

***

Cross-Posted on Loser Moms

Mmmm. Cake.

This is no joke. Some people might think going to the florist and the photographer and helping pick out music and stuff like that is a chore but I honestly enjoy doing that kind of stuff.

I used to work in event planning and I think if it had paid better I wouldn’t haven’t minded staying in that industry.

But that isn’t why I am telling you about this. I am telling you about this because today, while tasting cakes, I saw the most awesome thing I have ever seen.

A Ray Lewis carrot cake.

This is no joke. I saw the picture and I started freaking out. Here is why:

It looks exactly like him!

Fortunately, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and future brother-in-law are used to me freaking out over stuff like this. I may have taken the wedding planner and the lady who made the cakes slightly off guard.

Kendall (from Kendall’s Cakes who made this cake) asked me if I wanted to keep the copy of the picture. I said yes please and then did what any good blogger would do and said “Can I put this on the internet?”

AND SHE SAID YES!!!

A Ray Lewis carrot cake, and it looks like Ray Lewis. This is a sports bloggers dream come true.

Oh, and I sampled the carrot cake and it was good.

And I don’t even like carrot cake.

Unless it shaped like Ray Lewis.

Evidently.

My birthday is in two weeks. I wonder if she can make one that looks like Warren Sapp?

As soon as I saw the Elizabeth Lambert video I knew that I would be writing about her this week. Elizabeth is the “mean girl” soccer player that was suspended for rough play this week. She is the girl who was caught on video punching another player in the back and pulling hair.

If you watch this video it looks terrible.

A lot of people were shocked and offended when they saw this clip.

But this video looks different to me.

I am not saying that this excuses her behavior. I do not think that anyone (perhaps anyone outside of WWE wresting anyway) should be pulling other people to the ground using their hair.

What I am saying is that while Elizabeth Lambert certainly overreacted and was clearly unsportmanlike, her competitors were elbowing her too. Why isn’t anyone upset about that?

And have none of us ever watched a soccer game before?

Soccer can be a tough game and it appears that’s especially true in the Mountain West Conference. Footage of the conference semifinal game in Provo, Utah – where BYU beat New Mexico 1-0 – has been making the rounds and not for any of the right reasons.

Why is it that the only time women’s sports make the nightly news is when the players cross the line? Last summer, an on-court brawl between the Detroit Shock and the Los Angeles Sparks was front page news. Now, game footage of the BYU – New Mexico match is being rerun on ESPN and major network news shows.

The two teams in question combined for what would seem like a stunning 25 fouls, however according to The Sporting Blog, that’s actually not a huge number:

“In the three games of last year’s Women’s Final Four, there were 23, 24, and 33 fouls. The shocker is that only one yellow card came out in this game, which seems wildly out of proportion to the amount of brutality in the above video.”

- Jane, Pretty Tough

See? I don’t want you to think that I approve of Lambert’s actions, but soccer is a violent sport. It is like the only things anyone knows about women’s soccer is Brandi Chastain in a sports bra and this Elizabeth Lambert debacle.

It is a fantastic image, but did anyone actually watch the game? Would anyone be freaking out if this was a men’s soccer game? I doubt it.

As usual, Laurie White says it best:

…I think a lot of times more force than necessary is used on athletic fields, but I’ve never been out there so I don’t know what it’s like. I do know that winning is a huge expectation in high stakes games and pressure drives people to crazy behavior. I’m not sure that’s always a good idea. And whereas I do believe strongly in accountability I think it’s sad that of all the things a highly competitive, talented female athlete can be known for in her collegiate career, it boils down to headlines with words like “dirty” and “violent,” and stupid, videotaped, aggressive behavior. I’m sure she can do way better. Let’s hope she does from now on, no matter who’s watching.

- Draft Day Suit

Elizabeth Lambert has been indefinitely suspended from The University of New Mexico’s athletics department and she has issued an apology.

I still think the issue is that the violence was done by a woman. This type of brutality is not at all uncommon in men’s soccer.

Soccer Hooligans are famous for rioting. I guess Americans just aren’t used to seeing this kind of thing from the ladies in their colleges. I think Elizabeth Lambert deserved to be suspended. I think she acted inappropriately, but I also think the outrage is coming from people who don’t watch soccer.

Contributing Editor Sarah also blogs at Sarah and the Goon Squad and MamaPop.

My first born,*

The baby in the Derrick Brooks onesie,

told his kindergarten teacher that his favorite football team was the Redskins.

My daughter is getting the birthright.

* By two minutes.

Who am I trying to kid? If you were watching tennis, or ESPN, or CNN or even your local news you probably saw the clip.

In a sport where decorum rules the courts it is unusual to see a tennis player throw a fit during a match.

I haven’t seen an outburst like that during the U.S. Open since John McEnroe played the game.

It was all over a foot fault. A line judge called a foot fault on Serena and pardon my French, but I believe her exact words were “I swear to God I feel like taking this ball and shoving it down your fucking throat.”

Then she continued to point and swear right at the judge.

As in any sport, it doesn’t go over well when you threaten the referees.

They hate that.

Now, as much as I appreciate a lady with a foul mouth (and I’m not just saying that, I really do) this paroxysm was completely inappropriate.

Here, see for yourself.

I don’t mean to suggest that the line judge wasn’t making a lot of unnecessary calls against Serena Williams. She may have been, I don’t know, I was watching football, but that is not how a person is expected to behave in a professional tennis match.

This isn’t major league baseball.

Devra was watching the U.S. Open with their children. (Not that they haven’t heard that language before. They have watched football over at my house.)

I appreciate her* passion but it was misplaced here.

The fit was bad, and embarrassing for Ms. Williams, but that isn’t the worst of it. She was docked a point. And that point cost her the game.

…while serving at 5-6, 15-30, the line official called a foot fault on
Serena on her second serve, thus awarding Clijsters double match point,
15-40. However, Serena became upset with the call and began jawing at
the official. To her misfortune, she had already been given a warning
earlier in the match; which now combined resulted in a point penalty,
thus costing her the match.

- Black Tennis Pros

That wasn’t all it cost her. She was also fined $10,000 for unsportmanlike conduct.

Serena Williams lost in the semi-finals of the U.S. Open because she couldn’t control her temper.

Kim Clijsters won the match on a technicality and went on to defeat Caroline Wozniacki in the finals to win the championship.

To be fair Clijsters is an amazing tennis player. Megan says:

Now honestly, she might have lost the match anyway because her opponent
Kim Clijsters was out playing her and was a couple of points from
winning with the score, 4-6, 5-6, 15-30… Bottom line, Clijsters is a great player and doing amazingly well for
someone who was off having a baby the last three years.  She was
beating Serena on every level and though Serena may have pulled it out
in three, God knows she’s done it before, you do the crime, you do the
time.

- Megan’s Minute

So maybe Serena would not have advanced, but it stinks to see someone lose that way.

Some people have suggested that it might have been ‘roid rage or even PMS. In my opinion Serena Williams is just a fierce competitor. She wasn’t playing her best, it looked like she was about to be defeated and she was angry about it. It happens.

Ms. Williams issued a formal statement explaining, if not exactly apologizing for, her behavior during the semi-final match. She is still scheduled to play in the doubles finals with her sister, Venus.

Originally written for and Cross Posted on BlogHer.com with some minor changes.

* I mean Serena. Not Devra.

Oh yes he did.

I love twitter.