March 15, 2010 | Parenting, Son of a..., The Blue One
Ian said “Mama, will you please come cuddle with me?”
And then he threw up all over the couch.
Archive for the 'The Blue One' Category
March 8, 2010 | Parenting, The Blue One, The Goon Squad
I was driving my five year old twins and my nine year old neighbor to Tae Kwon Do today. They were talking about “Jackmania” which is the imaginary kingdom of next door so I was pretty much ignoring them when the conversation took a turn that made my ears perk up.
“Hey Ian!” said the older boy. “You know how squirrels eat nuts?”
Because I think like a nine year old boy I could see where this was going a mile away.
He continued “Ahhh! Squirrels are after my nuts! They are in my pants!”
Ian laughed, but he was clueless and the older kid knew it.
“Get it? Because I have nuts in my pants!”
Ian asked “Why do you have nuts in your pants?”
“Because your nut is your penis!” neighbor boy replied.
I had a conundrum. Your nuts are not your penis and I know this. I don’t want my kids to go around with bad information or making jokes that don’t make sense. On the other hand, I don’t really want to talk about scrotums with a random 3rd grader. I am friends with his parents, but I don’t really talk to them about testicles that often so I don’t know how they would feel about me giving their children lessons about anatomy and slang.
I am not a patient woman, but I bode my time. I was a relatively mature adult and I waited until we got home and I was alone with my children.
“Listen guys,” I said “Remember when Jack said that your nut was your penis? That isn’t exactly true.”
I said penis. I had their attention.
“Your nuts are really your scrotum,”
*blank looks*
“your testicles”
*blank looks*
“the thing under your penis. You know what I am talking about?”
Claudia said yes and walked away.
Ian said “Under my penis?”
I was always under the impression that boys were obsessed with their balls, but here is my son, almost six years old and he forgot that there was something under his penis.
I said “Yeah, the thing under your penis.”
Then I actually said “Put your hand in your pants and feel under your penis.”
He figured it out. I am an excellent mother.
So far there has been no further discussion of the nuts, but I have a feeling that this is nowhere near over.
And oddly, I feel like I did the right thing.
February 22, 2010 | Parenting, The Blue One, potty humor
On Saturday I was on a panel at the Mom 2.0 Summit in Houston. The moderator, Holly Buchanan, asked me how I found funny things to write about all of the time. Of course I am paraphrasing, but I said something along the lines of “Life is funny, and I am easily amused.”
Just to prove my point about my life being funny I got this text message from my husband less than five hours later:
While yes, I would like to take credit for presenting things in a funny way, the truth is that my family is hysterical, my friends are hilarious and I see humor all over the place.
There is actually more about the panel, Why Women are so 2.0, here if you are interested.
February 12, 2010 | Parenting, Proof of My Immaturity, The Blue One, The Goon Squad, kindergarten
I don’t think I told you about it here but I’ve been doing Hooked on Phonics with The Goon Squad.
Since they started Kindergarten I have been sort of neglectful. Their teacher have been doing a great job and they have both been making huge leaps in reading and writing.
Since the weather gods have clearly decided that my children are to be home schooled this month I decided to pull out the HOP box and see how much progress the twins have make in Kindergarten.
It turns out that they are reading really well. They have got the three letter words down pat and they are getting better with sight words (you know, she, what, is, the, etc.) and they are even doing well with the stories.
Then the little book threw us a curve ball.
Or should I say passed us a curve ball?
The sentence was “Tim can pass.”
Ian got the “Tim” and he got the “can’” and then he got stuck.
I said “Sound it out.”
“Paws? Paz? Pahs?”
Against my better judgment I did what I knew would help him.
“What sound does A-S-S make?”
*blank stare*
“What word have I been telling you that you weren’t allowed to spell anymore all week?”
“ASS! PASS!”
He read the word, followed by hysterical laughter and saying the word ass over and over and over until I threatened him with a nap.
And there you have it. The mother of the year award, bring it to me.
Oh yeah, that is his thumb.
January 27, 2010 | Parenting, Speak Up Sonny. I can't hear you., The Blue One, Uncategorized
Ian was in the shower and spiking up his hair.
Actual Father Not Shown
I said “Are you making liberty spikes?”
He said “What is a liberty spike?”
I explained to him what a liberty spikes were and what a mohawk was.
“You know your Dad used to have a mohawk. A purple one.”
“No he didn’t. He had a purple head?”
“No, honey, just his hair was purple. His head was regular color. He used to have a nose ring too.” I said. ” A Bull Ring, like this” and I demonstrated what a bull ring looks like.
And my five year old son said “That is so old fashioned.”
Welcome to 2010 people. We are old now.
