September 18, 2008 | Parenting, The Blue One

“Mommy. When I look at your tummy it reminds me what a good time I had in you uterus.”

August 30, 2008 | Parenting, The Blue One

My son is completely obsessed with Transformers. He talks about them all the time. He would watch the show 12 times a day if I let him. It is the first things he asks for when he wakes up in the morning. Yes, he may be a touch young for that level of violence but he loves it so much. He probably has 10 different Transformers and he know the name of each one.

He dreams about Transformers. He is going to be Bumblebee for Halloween.

This afternoon I was shopping for a gift for a birthday party when I saw him. Opti-Mash Prime.

How could I not buy him? A Mr. Potato Head that was dressed like Optimus Prime! Sure my kids have more toys than any two children could possibly require, but I think I would have actually been a negligent mother to pass up this opportunity.

Gabe and I try not to spoil the kids too much - we try to leave that up to the grandparents but today I could not resist. Ian has been carrying him around all afternoon.

I knew he would love it.

And yes, of course I had to buy something for the girl too. She is playing with these things right now. You can’t tell from the picture but they are sparkly.

August 28, 2008 | Parenting, The Blue One

Mommy Mommy! I saw something on tv that I want to do. Go on Sprout online dot com. It said to grab your Mom OR Dad.

_______

I’ve had that line sitting in my drafts folder for about six weeks now. Ian is the biggest sucker in the world for commercials. At first I thought it was just the websites for kids networks that he was into - maybe he just liked the games that they showed on television. But no.

Yesterday I was cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. Ian wandered in as I was putting away the leftovers.

Ian: Aw, man. I wish we had green bags.

Me: Why do you need a bag?

Ian: Green bags.

Me: You want a green bag?

Ian: Green Bags. You know, Green bags. They can keep food fresh for up to six days. Regular bags can’t do that.

Me: *speechless*

He is like a walking infomercial.

In fact, I just checked with him to make sure this picture was what he was talking about. He gave me a short speech about how the bananas on the left were fresh and the ones on the right were yucky. The he went through the same diatribe with the strawberries. I said “You said six days this says nine days” and he said (I swear I am not making this up) “Yes! UP to nine days!”

I want you people all to swear to me right now that nobody will ever introduce my son to Home Shopping Network.

July 31, 2008 | Parenting, Perfect Post, Potty Training, The Blue One

Dear Everyone Who Encouraged Me to Potty Train My Children,

My kids are four years old now and they are finally potty trained.

(Yeah, it took me two entire years to accomplish potty training. I consider it a long term goal.)

Yes, it is wonderful that I am saving buttloads of money on pull-ups and diapers. Yes, I appreciate the freedom of not having to change 8 - 20 diapers a day. (Twins, people.) Yes, I am glad they are no longer the only children in their class who aren’t toilet trained and that this is probably a huge step towards getting them out of the house and marrying them off.

I had been warned about boys peeing all over the toilet seat.

It wasn’t so much that I didn’t believe you. It is just that Gabe is really good about aiming (as far as I can tell) and apparently so were my Dad and brother. I don’t ever remember it being a big problem.

Even now, it isn’t so much the pee on the seat. When it is your baby boy’s pee it isn’t a big deal to be wiping it off the seat. I mean - I changed his diaper for FOUR YEARS I am familiar with his urine. The problem is the smell.

My kids entire bathroom smells like pee.

A lot.

It isn’t even that Ian is so bad at aiming. It is that he is really bad at focusing on the task at hand.

The other day he came out of the bathroom and informed me that he had a little accident. No, he didn’t pee in his pants. He peed all over the shower curtain.

How does one accidentally pee all over the shower curtain?

In short, while I am thrilled that my children are now housebroken I would like to warn all other mothers of boys who are not yet potty trained.

Be careful what you wish for.

Or just buy a lot of bleach.

Love,

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

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Don’t forget to check out the Perfect Post Awards. This month I awarded my buddy Stimey for her post How to Save Up for Your Vacation. It made me laugh. A lot.

July 9, 2008 | The Blue One, The Goon Squad, The Pink One

“Mommy, Ian is naked again and he is touching his butt all over your bed!”

__

* So far.

July 8, 2008 | Parenting, The Blue One

I know that it would be expensive and I understand that he will probably grow out of them in the next month or so but I honestly think if I put lo-jack on Ian’s shoes it would save me time and ease my mental strife.

What do you think?

July 1, 2008 | Parenting, The Blue One

Me: We’re going to the beach tomorrow. Won’t that be fun?

Ian: Mama, I don’t want you to go.

Me: You don’t want me to go?

Ian: No, just me and Claudia and Nonny and Papa. You stay here.

Me: Why don’t you want me to go to the beach with you? Is it because you get away with more when you go to the beach with Nonny and Papa?

Ian: Yes. You stay home.

June 30, 2008 | Parenting, The Blue One

I feel confident that I hold the world record for saying “Ian, please put your underpants back on.” more times than anyone else. Ever.

June 5, 2008 | Parenting, Proof of My Immaturity, The Blue One

As you may remember (from such posts as the last one) Ian keeps randomly taking off his pants.

Well, maybe not so much randomly as constantly.

He runs up to me this morning “Look at me Mommy! I’m naked! I’m crazy!”

And I say “Yes, I can see your** nuts.”

I kill myself.

_____

*You guys know what I’m talking about, right? A guy walks into a doctors office dressed completely in saran wrap and says “Hey Doc, I think I’m going crazy.” and the doctor says “Yes, I can see you’re** nuts.”

** Since it is a play on words I don’t know which to use you’re or your. Devra says it is you’re but I’m not sure so I used both.

June 4, 2008 | Parenting, The Blue One

Ian keeps taking his pants off for no reason.

Three or four times a day I turn around and he is naked from the waist down.

Is this a normal four year old boy phase or am I raising some sort of future pervert flasher?