The Fun Kind of Cleaning

We were playing “The Cleaning Game” at my house. This involves me setting the timer on my iPhone for 10 minutes. For 10 minutes, there is only playing – no cleaning whatsoever. It is important to start with a playing segment. When the alarm rings I start the timer again. For 10 minutes there is […]

Bon Jovi was Mistaken. The Hardest Part is not the Night.

The hardest part about being a parent – besides the sleep deprivation and all of the crushing responsibility – is keeping a straight face when I say things like “Pu-pu platters are not funny!” or “Nobody wants to see you shaking your butt all day long.” or “That isn’t really called an upper nut.” Full […]

Things I Never Thought I Would Have to Say Part 11

“See, that is the difference between you and me. I try not to look at your butthole.”

This Might Be the Answer That You Have Been Searching For

“Mommy?” he said “Can you live without ever drinking chocolate milk?” “Sure,” I said “Lots of people probably never drink chocolate milk.” “You can live without ever ever drinking a single drop of chocolate milk?” “Yes. Why?” “Claudia said you can’t live if you don’t drink chocolate milk.” Then a little voice came from the […]

One of Many Reasons They Don’t Let Me Teach Sunday School

My five year old son said to me “Can you believe that Paige has to go to church on Easter?” Well, crap. I guess I have neglected to tell my children about The Resurrection. “Yes, Honey,” I said. “Easter is the most important holiday for Christians.” Then I proceeded to tell him all about the […]

They Just Keep Getting Weirder

The boy was admiring his new robot dragon pajamas in the full length mirror in my bedroom. IAN: Where are his flappy wings? ME: I don’t know. It doesn’t look like he has any. This robot dragon appears to have arms instead. IAN: All dragons have arms. ME: I don’t think that is true. IAN: […]

The Glamorous Life

Ian said “Mama, will you please come cuddle with me?” And then he threw up all over the couch.

The Nuts Talk

I was driving my five year old twins and my nine year old neighbor to Tae Kwon Do today. They were talking about “Jackmania” which is the imaginary kingdom of next door so I was pretty much ignoring them when the conversation took a turn that made my ears perk up. “Hey Ian!” said the […]

Life Is Just Funny

On Saturday I was on a panel at the Mom 2.0 Summit in Houston. The moderator, Holly Buchanan, asked me how I found funny things to write about all of the time. Of course I am paraphrasing, but I said something along the lines of “Life is funny, and I am easily amused.” Just to […]

Reading Teacher of the Year, Right Here

I don’t think I told you about it here but I’ve been doing Hooked on Phonics with The Goon Squad. Since they started Kindergarten I have been sort of neglectful. Their teacher have been doing a great job and they have both been making huge leaps in reading and writing. Since the weather gods have […]

Generation Gap

Ian was in the shower and spiking up his hair. I said “Are you making liberty spikes?” He said “What is a liberty spike?” I explained to him what a liberty spikes were and what a mohawk was. “You know your Dad used to have a mohawk. A purple one.” “No he didn’t. He had […]

Stuth

For some reason completely out of my realm of understanding my children (especially the boy) has started replacing his “f” sounds with the “th” sound. They usually only do this when it is the last sound in a word, so stuff becomes stuth, or enough becomes enuth. It is almost some sort of reversed cockney, […]