I know that it would be expensive and I understand that he will probably grow out of them in the next month or so but I honestly think if I put lo-jack on Ian’s shoes it would save me time and ease my mental strife.
What do you think?
Me: We’re going to the beach tomorrow. Won’t that be fun?
Ian: Mama, I don’t want you to go.
Me: You don’t want me to go?
Ian: No, just me and Claudia and Nonny and Papa. You stay here.
Me: Why don’t you want me to go to the beach with you? Is it because you get away with more when you go to the beach with Nonny and Papa?
Ian: Yes. You stay home.
I feel confident that I hold the world record for saying “Ian, please put your underpants back on.” more times than anyone else. Ever.
As you may remember (from such posts as the last one) Ian keeps randomly taking off his pants.
Well, maybe not so much randomly as constantly.
He runs up to me this morning “Look at me Mommy! I’m naked! I’m crazy!”
And I say “Yes, I can see your** nuts.”
I kill myself.
_____
*You guys know what I’m talking about, right? A guy walks into a doctors office dressed completely in saran wrap and says “Hey Doc, I think I’m going crazy.” and the doctor says “Yes, I can see you’re** nuts.”
** Since it is a play on words I don’t know which to use you’re or your. Devra says it is you’re but I’m not sure so I used both.
Ian keeps taking his pants off for no reason.
Three or four times a day I turn around and he is naked from the waist down.
Is this a normal four year old boy phase or am I raising some sort of future pervert flasher?
Does anyone have any idea why a three year old boy would want to watch “Extreme Dating” on Fox Reality Network?
Or why he cried when I tried to change the channel?
Or why such a show exists?
Me: Where is your shirt?
The Boy: I sneezed it off. Aaaaaaaaaaaah Chooooooooooo!
Since we got iPhones a couple of weeks ago we decided that we should take out the batteries and the sim cards and give our old RAZRs to the kids. Gabe thought that the kids would love it, and boy howdy, he was right.
Who the hell says boy howdy?
Anyway, the kids went nuts. They had conference calls, they put the phones into their pockets, they went to the office and they told us which pictures they had on their phones.
And then they put the phones in into their pockets some more.
Rolling my eyes.
Later, we were getting ready for bathtime and Ian got very serious.
“Daddy, where do you put your phone when you are naked?”
He had no pockets. What is a naked boy to do with his phone?
Thankfully, Gabe had the perfect answer.
“Well, usually I just set it down somewhere.”
I was just in the kitchen getting dinner started (No really, I was cooking. Ahead of time and everything. Shut up. It could happen.) and the kids were screwing around in the kitchen trying to get in my way playing nicely as I was chopping vegetables.
Ian (who is mainly concerned with safety near hot stoves) was pretending to surf on his Diego coloring book.
“Wipe Down!”
“You mean wipe out.” I said.
“Wipe Down!”
“Wipe out? Like when you surf?”
He rolled his eyes at me.
My three year old boy rolled his eyes at me and in his most condescending voice said “Wipe down. Like when you fall down into the ocean”.
To which I said “Look Lane, you are really bringing me over.”
If it weren’t for this blog all of my best material would be wasted on people who don’t appreciate how hilarious I think I am.
How do you convince a three year old that just because he is wearing boxer shorts that it does not automatically mean he has to play Wii boxing?*
* His boxers aren’t actually John Deere boxers, they are just regular plaid, but this image was already on the computer and you know how lazy I am.
