Next I get to wrestle two cats in to carriers and listen to them do that guttural mewl thing they do in the car for twenty minutes in traffic and then I expect I’ll probably give the veterinarian about $400.

How is your day going?

Hi, my name is Sarah and I photoshop stains out of pictures of my carpet. I never thought this is how I would spend my time as an adult.

On a related note: How would you explain or describe catnip to a four year old?

Double Yawn

Originally uploaded by Sarah606

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Psst. There is still time to enter my Father’s Day contest.

Silence.

Me: Did you hear me? I will be in the shower if anyone needs anything.

Goon Squad: (not even looking up) Uh huh.

No more than two minutes later I hear running in the hall.

Claudia: Mommy! Mommy! Where are you?!

Me: I’M IN THE SHOWER!

Claudia: (Comes into the bathroom and trows open the shower curtain letting in a lot of cold air) Mommy! Mommy! It’s the greatest thing ever! Come see!

Me: I’m in the shower. What it it?

Claudia: It is the greatest thing ever! I’ll give you a hint. It goes in the potty and it isn’t yellow.

Me: What could it be?

Claudia: I pooped in the potty! You’ve got to come see it.

Me: Okay, when I get out of the shower I’ll come see your poop.

Claudia: Ok! (runs away)

42 seconds later I hear running in the hall and the bathroom door opens again.

Claudia: Mommy, when are you going to come look at my poop?

Me: I am in the shower. I am washing my hair.

Claudia: Can I see?

Shower curtain opens again, letting in more cold air.

Claudia: Oh. good job Mom.

Me: Thanks.

Claudia: How much longer will you be in the shower.

Me: 4 minutes.

One minute later the bathroom door opens again.

Sid: Meow. Meow. MEOW!

(You have got to be fucking kidding me)

Me: Sid, I am in the shower.

Small grey head pop inside the shower curtain letting in cold air.

Sid: Meow. Meow. meow.

Me: Let me guess. There is something brown in your litter box that I have to come see.

Claudia: (reappearing) Mommy! I see a kitty! What is Sid doing in the shower?

Me: I have no idea. Can I just shower in peace?

Curtain

This morning I went into my bathroom to put in my contacts. My cat, Sid jumped up on the counter. I yelled at him to get down. I was afraid that some of his fur would get on my contacts and get in my eye.

Boy was I worried about the wrong thing.

As I was poised to put in my left contact, he jumped back up on to the counter and rubbed up on my elbow. (Now, this has happened before and I ended up poking myself in the eye, and while that totally sucks, this was something that isn’t that predictable.)

He rubbed up on my elbow and my contact fell off my finger onto his back.

I screamed “Sid! No!” and he ran away.

With my contact stuck to his back.

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I swear this story is 100% true and not at all exaggerated. My contact is still missing and it has been hours.

The silver lining is that I am now wearing a fresh pair and I can see a lot better than I could yesterday.

Both kids were in their beds, so I knew it wasn’t them. Then I saw a crazy blue flash run by. It made the circle from kitchen to living room to dining room and back to the kitchen three times. It sounded like an angry rain stick. It looked like a cat wearing a cape.

It was in fact a cat with a blue grocery bag around it’s neck.

As some of you know, my cats are from the same litter. They look more alike than my twins do. Gabe’s Mom says she can’t tell them apart at all. Usually it isn’t a problem for me, but in this case I wasn’t sure which cat I was looking for.

First I found Sid. Initially I thought Sid had somehow shaken the bag because his tail was all puffed up and he looked scared, but after not being able to locate Klaus for about 10 minutes I started thinking that it had probably been him and he was hiding somewhere with the bag still on. I started to convince myself that Klaus was suffocating on the grocery bag in a closet somewhere.

An eternity Five minutes later, with the help of a flashlight (that I should have been saving in case we lose power due to the apocalypse) I found Klaus and his cute little outfit under my bed. Way under my bed. So far under my bed that I had to move it to get to him.

So, I pulled the king size bed away from the wall all by myself (like this) and carefully (sorry) let the cat out of the bag.

True story.

The good news is the main problem now is getting him to eat again. I can probably stop worrying about him dying now. I think.

It is astounding how much we love our pets and what we will do for them.

Yes, that is my cat on top of the slide that goes into my parents pool. He jumped the safety fence and climbed right up the ladder. He stayed there until the pool guy came to balance the chemicals. When I went out to get him, he gashed my arm with his black claws.

Unbelievable. This is the same cat who climbed a ladder in to our attic and fell into the insulation once. He also bushed up on the wet paint one time when we painted the bathroom and he was a blue and grey cat until I gave him a bath.

Sid also took an accidental bath during one of the hurricanes in 2004 when we had filled the bathtub with water in case of an emergency. He forgot the whole “look before you leap” thing.