The Halloween Costume Debacle – Part 1

I am not a terribly prepared or organized human being, but I know from experience that if you wait until mid-October to buy children’s Halloween costumes they will be picked over and you will never get what you want. Halloween is the one holiday I have down, when school starts in September we order our […]

The C Word

My kids are packing their bags. They will be spending the night with their grandparents and my mother-in-law (now I know why people write MIL even if they aren’t on twitter. That word is a punctuation and capitalization nightmare) is at our house to pick them up. I can hear the boy chanting under his […]

The Moment I Realized I Use the Word “Disheveled” a Lot

My son is in his car seat doing pretty much everything except buckling in. “What are you doing?” I ask. “Getting sheveled.” he says. * * * Another song that sounds terrible coming out of a six year old’s mouth. “Down to This” by Soul Coughing

My Favorite Series of Words

“Mommy?” “Yes” “What is your favorite series of words? I paused. “What do you mean my favorite series of words? Like a phrase?” “No. Your favorite series of words.” I still had no idea what they were talking about, but they were both looking at me. I looked back at them blankly. “I don’t know. […]

I Think I Lost Their School Pictures. Again.

Oh God, I think I lost my kids’ school pictures again. When my twins were two years old we got their very first school pictures from preschool. Both sets came back just adorable. Claudia had on a little pink and red dress and Ian was wearing a green striped sweater that made him look like […]

My Children Believe in Reincarnation and also Hogwarts

In an effort to be extra-specially sweet to me on my birthday my son was complimenting me on how I was the best mother he has ever met. My slightly less charming daughter said “Ian, she is the only mother you’ve ever had, so she is also the worst.” “No.” maintained my boy “In other […]

It Always Comes Back to Butts

The children and I were in the car yesterday and the conversation naturally ended up on the subject of gender reassignment and sex realignment surgery. I don’t know how I get into these discussions with my kids but I always do. Anyway, we were talking about how you could get a penis put on (and […]

Pictochat Irony

This is actually ironic. In your face Alanis Morissette! Originally uploaded by GoonSquadSarah

Clearly NSPON

Claudia: I love Hershey’s chocolate milk because it is made out of real Hershey’s kisses. Ian: No it isn’t. It is made out of Hershey bars. This argument continues for about 15 minutes. Repeat to fade.

The Class of 2022 (BlogHer Hangover Part 2)

There are actually two kinds of BlogHer hangovers. The kind of hangover I wrote about two weeks ago and the kind where you run out of words. Usually when I come home from BlogHer I find that I have mysteriously run out of things to say. It is as if I have told most of […]

Bon Jovi was Mistaken. The Hardest Part is not the Night.

The hardest part about being a parent – besides the sleep deprivation and all of the crushing responsibility – is keeping a straight face when I say things like “Pu-pu platters are not funny!” or “Nobody wants to see you shaking your butt all day long.” or “That isn’t really called an upper nut.” Full […]

On Top of the World (for about five seconds)

The Goon Squad and I were totally rocking out on the way home from Tae Kwon Do. I still had a couple of my 80s hair metal CDs in the car from when Laurie and I went to the M3 concert on Saturday and the kids and I were listening to some Guns N’ Roses. […]