Do you remember what you were doing six years ago today?
I do.
I remember what I was doing five years ago today too.
Happy birthday Goon Squad. I wouldn’t be who I am today without you. I love you very, very much.
“Mommy?” he said “Can you live without ever drinking chocolate milk?”
“Sure,” I said “Lots of people probably never drink chocolate milk.”
“You can live without ever ever drinking a single drop of chocolate milk?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Claudia said you can’t live if you don’t drink chocolate milk.”
Then a little voice came from the other room.
“I said you could not live happily without drinking chocolate milk.”
I was making coffee this morning when I overheard my five year old twins singing this little tune at the breakfast table.
|
I was driving my five year old twins and my nine year old neighbor to Tae Kwon Do today. They were talking about “Jackmania” which is the imaginary kingdom of next door so I was pretty much ignoring them when the conversation took a turn that made my ears perk up.
“Hey Ian!” said the older boy. “You know how squirrels eat nuts?”
Because I think like a nine year old boy I could see where this was going a mile away.
He continued “Ahhh! Squirrels are after my nuts! They are in my pants!”
Ian laughed, but he was clueless and the older kid knew it.
“Get it? Because I have nuts in my pants!”
Ian asked “Why do you have nuts in your pants?”
“Because your nut is your penis!” neighbor boy replied.
I had a conundrum. Your nuts are not your penis and I know this. I don’t want my kids to go around with bad information or making jokes that don’t make sense. On the other hand, I don’t really want to talk about scrotums with a random 3rd grader. I am friends with his parents, but I don’t really talk to them about testicles that often so I don’t know how they would feel about me giving their children lessons about anatomy and slang.
I am not a patient woman, but I bode my time. I was a relatively mature adult and I waited until we got home and I was alone with my children.
“Listen guys,” I said “Remember when Jack said that your nut was your penis? That isn’t exactly true.”
I said penis. I had their attention.
“Your nuts are really your scrotum,”
*blank looks*
“your testicles”
*blank looks*
“the thing under your penis. You know what I am talking about?”
Claudia said yes and walked away.
Ian said “Under my penis?”
I was always under the impression that boys were obsessed with their balls, but here is my son, almost six years old and he forgot that there was something under his penis.
I said “Yeah, the thing under your penis.”
Then I actually said “Put your hand in your pants and feel under your penis.”
He figured it out. I am an excellent mother.
So far there has been no further discussion of the nuts, but I have a feeling that this is nowhere near over.
And oddly, I feel like I did the right thing.
The following is an incomplete list of things that my husband and I have had to ask our children to stop saying in the past month or so due to either repetition or content.
1) “fancy getup”
Wylie Dufrense
2) Wylie Dufrense
3) “a-s-s”
He was just spelling it over and over. I have no idea why. I mean, I know why, I just don’t know why he wouldn’t stop. We also had to ask him to stop signing it.
4) Obi-Wan Kenobi
5) diarrhea
[photo]
