On the day after Snowmageddon 2010 I was supposed to be helping Claudia clean her room. Instead I was taking pictures out of her bedroom window.
I was taking pictures of icicles when Ian walked in and said “Is that a bear?”
The kids thought I was taking pictures of the large mammal in our back yard that I hadn’t even noticed.
I yelled “Hey Gabe! There is a huge doe in our back yard!”
And that is when Claudia fed me the line. She said “What is a doe?”
I got to say – completely in context and with absolute accuracy – “A deer, a female deer.”
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
4:14 pm |
We drive to the hill.
My car almost gets stuck in the snow.
There is this hill by our neighborhood pool. At the top of the hill there are tennis courts. At the bottom of the hill is the parking lot. This hill must be 45 feet wide and 15 feet up. There are stairs leading up to the tennis court area on the left.
I take one picture. This one.
Ian takes his first run down the hill he immediately flips over and hits his head on the stairs.
Did I mention this hill is about 45 feet wide?
Claudia is next. She goes for it. She is doing well until she hits the ice ramp at the bottom that some big kids must have built yesterday.
She flies in the air and lands squarely on her tailbone.
She cries for 10 minutes so we get in the car and drive home where she continues to cry for another 15 minutes.
I call the nurse at the pediatrician’s office.
I say:
Hi. My daughter was sledding and she took the ice ramp and landed on her back and she is complaining that it hurts. She can walk and I can’t see anything but she has been crying for 25 minutes. Do I need to have her looked at?
The nurse says:
Spinal injuries are very serious! Take her to urgent care to have an x-ray!
I freak out.
I call my mother-in-law.
Sledding went poorly. I have to take Claudia to the emergency room to get x-rays! Spinal injury! Can you please help with Ian?
She says she’ll be right over.
I come to my senses.
I call the nurse back.
Hi. I just talked to you about my daughter and you said I need to get x-rays and that spinal injuries were serious but is there any way I can come into the office to have her seen?
Five minutes later I have an appointment in 25 minutes at the pediatrician’s office.
I call my mother-in-law and tell her I just have to take the boy with me because we don’t have much time but we will be fine.
Claudia is still whimpering and saying It hurts. It really hurts.
Ian starts crying because he doesn’t feel like going to the doctor’s office.
And I am starting to freak out again.
We somehow make it to the pediatrician with two or three minutes to spare.
Then we wait for 45 minutes.
Minutes 1 – 5: Claudia cries the entire time.
Minutes 6 – 15: Claudia whimpers.
Minutes 16 – 20: Ian begins to go nuts on the baby toys in the waiting room. Claudia starts to wander around holding her back.
Minutes 21 – 30: The kids play with the baby toys. Claudia holds her back on and off.
Minutes 31 – 38: Both kids ask me: When is it our turn? When are they going to call us? Why did those other people get to go first? Is it our turn now? I’m thirsty can I have some water? Where is the drinking fountain? When is it going to be our turn?
Minute 39: They finally call us back.
Minutes 40 – 45: Both kids jump and dance around the examination room.
Minute 45: The doctor comes in checks out her back. Says everything is fine.
We give them $20 and get in a big argument about if we should stop at McDonald’s or Wendy’s on the way home.
Sledding blows.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
1:21 pm |
Actually, the weather isn’t that bad anymore, but the streets in my neighborhood are seriously frightful.
And our schools are canceled for the rest of the year.
To be completely fair, the kids really only had two and a half days of school this week anyway, but they were three very important days for Christmas preparedness.
I’m not totally screwed here. We were almost on top of things except for S-T-O-C-K-I-N-G S-T-U-F-F.
Oh crap, my kids can spell now.
We are going a little stir crazy. These things have all happened in the past hour:
1) Ian punched me in the nose trying to hug me.
2) Claudia and I got into an argument about wearing jeans with no underwear. I said it would be uncomfortable she vehemently disagreed.
3) Ian called me into the bathroom because he pooped in the shape of a “C”.
I need to get out of the house.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
10:04 am |
“NO IAN” she screams from the hallway “I KNOW BECAUSE I AM A SWIMMING EXPERT!”
“Claudia,” I say. “Don’t scream at your brother and you are not a swimming expert.”
“Yes I am.” She said.
“Claudia, an expert has to…”
But that was the end of the conversation. I have no idea what you have to do to be considered a swimming expert. I would assume it would involve actually being able to swim underwater so I feel confident that I was accurate in saying that Claudia was not one, but I don’t know what it is required of a swimming expert.
In fact, I don’t know what you have to do to be considered an expert in any field.
Clearly I am no expert in experts.
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
2:10 pm |
Ian: How do you spell we?
Claudia: W – E .
Ian: No, not that kind of we.
Claudia: W – I – I .
Me: agape
Posted by Goon Squad Sarah @
4:39 pm |
