Then I promptly forgot about it.

Oops.

So let’s pretend that didn’t happen and I just said – the winner will be announced on September 15th.

Luckily for you since I am a moron there is still time to enter and win the gift certificate to Build-A-Bear. (You know, assuming I can still find it.)

Here are the entries thus far:

Kathi D is going with Busty Russian Lola Chicken butts.

Marilyn picked crenshaw melon tomboy boob suck. (Whatever that means)

RubiaLala chose katie baby bump grind broadway.

Elizabeth and her husband talked it over and decided on either World of Warcraft Boob Hack (or nude hack) or Man gives birth to his own twin.

Mamikaze went with free polygamist election summer porn.

Ree picked something that could be my about page ( if I was a freak) Sports freak with a vagina birthing twins.

Jen says these two things bring a lot of traffic to her site: zicam while nursing glorious boobs.

De in D.C. went with a safe one Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt twins.

Emily came up with subway homeschoolers rainbow jello shots discriminates.

Wendy chose to use hot girls dangerous thong

Nick(memBeth) says Anthony Bourdaine’s Massive Boner Pictures.

JessicaAPISS went with naked twin drunk girls streak baseball game.

The Other Bear went simple: toilet photos.

TIF RN came up with vagtastic harry potter twins blog.

Tito says Argument over beer.

SueBob says Jessica alba naked tits.

Creative-Type Dad chose to go with potty training nude andy gibb coloring pages.

JonB chose the current even route: Obama Porn, McCain Sex act with Iraq’s prime minister and Hillary’s Iran penetration for lower gas prices caused Tim Russert and George Carlin heart failure.

Christina says she gets a lot of hits for uterus pictures.

Jodifur picked make money working from home naked celebrity photos twins.

Ali (the winner from last year) came up with another one that confuses me: Ash and Dawn from Pokemon naked.

Ilina from Dirt and Noise came up with naked political junkie smacks Tom Cruise.

Jodifur says make money working from home naked celebrity photos twins.

Liz says that she gets at least a few hits every day for “mom like it big.”

Whit has chosen to go with free nude teen sex clinton.

M.A. Smith is going with deconstructing Cinderella. I wonder if she means the princess or the band?

Musing (who has good taste in men but obviously didn’t see the same Inside the Actors Studio that I did) says Johnny Depp for president.

Leticia from Tech Savvy Mama came up with a nice clean one – Vista sucks.

Wicked Step Mom says Underage Crossdressing Orangutang Politician.

Devra has chosen James Dobson Diapered Husband Myspace Page.

Mama Snyder might be on to something with Olsen twins chubby naked boobs.

I’m not sure which part of this she meant, so I’m just giving you Momo Fali’s entire comment: Wait. So, I’m not supposed to cradle and sing to my Mom’s granny-panties? I so cherish them. Dang.

Kara has a good chance of taking the prize with this one: Miley Cyrus Jonas Brothers smoking naked sex tape.

Catnip gets a lot of hits for can you smoke catnip?

MP has distrubing information. She gets a lot of traffic for Pictures of Penis Peeing and Little boy penis. (Please Google, don’t let this one win. No offense to mp. I just don’t think I could go on living. Also – if you got here searching for that, unless your son has a medical condition, shame on you.)

Izzy is getting hits for Exploded babysitter.

Supertiff suggested sisters peeing together.

Dana covers a multitude of topics with : rachel ray medical butt naked sushi jolie twins

House Frau gets hits for dog slut.

Shamelessly Sassy has just one wish: I sure hope I can hang thongs on my christmas tree this year.

New***

From Karen Sugarpants – Miley Cyrus Big Teeth Toilet Brush Cankles

From Stimey – I like suppositories. (See, I didn’t even write Stimey likes suppositories like I wanted to.)

Joe is hedging his bets with these five:

erin moran molested by henry winkler

huge suckeling boobs

pinky tuscadero hand gesture

rat up in yo weave

what color was becky thatcher’s hair

Snarky Amber went with these three: the woman needed to tinkle, bridal party wet peeing panties split crotch, and wearing panties at your desk. (I worry about Snarky Amber)

Remember – you can still enter your own phrase. Just pick something that you think is search-worthy.

This contest will be open until August.

Yuck.

Speaking of perverts and weirdos I am running my third annual Traffic Experiment Contest and it turns out that my readers haven’t gotten any more normal than they were last year. Or possibly you are just dying to get your hands on that Build-a-Bear gift certificate.

Let’s see what we have so far:

Kathi D is going with Busty Russian Lola Chicken butts.

Marilyn picked crenshaw melon tomboy boob suck. (Whatever that means)

RubiaLala chose katie baby bump grind broadway.

Elizabeth and her husband talked it over and decided on either World of Warcraft Boob Hack (or nude hack) or Man gives birth to his own twin.

Mamikaze went with free polygamist election summer porn.

Ree picked something that could be my about page ( if I was a freak) Sports freak with a vagina birthing twins.

Jen says these two things bring a lot of traffic to her site: zicam while nursing glorious boobs.

De in D.C. went with a safe one Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt twins.

Emily came up with subway homeschoolers rainbow jello shots discriminates.

Wendy chose to use hot girls dangerous thong

Nick(memBeth) says Anthony Bourdaine’s Massive Boner Pictures.

JessicaAPISS went with naked twin drunk girls streak baseball game.

The Other Bear went simple: toilet photos.

TIF RN came up with vagtastic harry potter twins blog.

Tito says Argument over beer.

SueBob says Jessica alba naked tits.

Creative-Type Dad chose to go with potty training nude andy gibb coloring pages.

JonB chose the current even route: Obama Porn, McCain Sex act with Iraq’s prime minister and Hillary’s Iran penetration for lower gas prices caused Tim Russert and George Carlin heart failure.

Christina says she gets a lot of hits for uterus pictures.

Jodifur picked make money working from home naked celebrity photos twins.

Ali (the winner from last year) came up with another one that confuses me: Ash and Dawn from Pokemon naked.

Ilina from Dirt and Noise came up with naked political junkie smacks Tom Cruise.

Jodifur says make money working from home naked celebrity photos twins.

Liz says that she gets at least a few hits every day for “mom like it big.”

Whit has chosen to go with free nude teen sex clinton.

M.A. Smith is going with deconstructing Cinderella. I wonder if she means the princess or the band?

Musing (who has good taste in men but obviously didn’t see the same Inside the Actors Studio that I did) says Johnny Depp for president.

Leticia from Tech Savvy Mama came up with a nice clean one – Vista sucks.

Wicked Step Mom says Underage Crossdressing Orangutang Politician.

Devra has chosen James Dobson Diapered Husband Myspace Page.

Mama Snyder might be on to something with Olsen twins chubby naked boobs.

I’m not sure which part of this she meant, so I’m just giving you Momo Fali’s entire comment: Wait. So, I’m not supposed to cradle and sing to my Mom’s granny-panties? I so cherish them. Dang.

Kara has a good chance of taking the prize with this one: Miley Cyrus Jonas Brothers smoking naked sex tape.

Catnip gets a lot of hits for can you smoke catnip?

MP has distrubing information. She gets a lot of traffic for Pictures of Penis Peeing and Little boy penis. (Please Google, don’t let this one win. No offense to mp. I just don’t think I could go on living. Also – if you got here searching for that, unless your son has a medical condition, shame on you.)

Izzy is getting hits for Exploded babysitter.

Supertiff suggested sisters peeing together.

Dana covers a multitude of topics with : rachel ray medical butt naked sushi jolie twins

House Frau gets hits for dog slut.

Shamelessly Sassy has just one wish: I sure hope I can hang thongs on my christmas tree this year.

Remember – you can still enter your own phrase. Just pick something that you think is search-worthy.

This contest will be open until August.

If you have played along in the past you know that all you have to do is come up with the search term that generates the most traffic in a six week period.

Last year Ali won with “Homer Simpson Vagina Tattoo”.

No, I’m not kidding.

So hook me up. Pick one phrase that you think people will be looking for. I don’t care how whacked out it is. Leave your phrase, or word, or sentence in the comments.

And this time I have a prize. The winner will receive a $25 gift certificate to Build-a-Bear. You can hook yourself up with a Tropical Hello Kitty.

As I’ve done in the past I will be posting updates with your phrase, a link to you (if applicable) and who is winning at the time.

The winner will be announced on August 1st (ish).

Good luck.

My favorite search term from this weekend so far? So I said, “that is my foot”.

Speaking of hits and search terms and whatnot. I bet you are wondering who won the contest?

Ali won in a landslide. She suggested Homer Simpson Vagina Tattoo. I thought she was insane (until I found the tattoo itself – not suitable for a mixed audience), but her search term generated somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 hits and a lot of conversation around my house.

Congratulations Ali! Send me your info and I’ll send you your very own SATGS keychain bottle opener and maybe even some more random crap from my house depending on my mood.

Thanks to everyone who played along, and seriously, who is Kat von D?

For those of you that are new to the place, I am having a contest to see who could come up with the term that would generate the most traffic.

So far it is looking like Ali has the thing in the bag. She suggested Homer Simpson vagina tattoo.

You would be surprised how many people are looking for that. Some are even looking for a vagina tattoo of Bart Simpson, but if that exists, I haven’t seen it.

No one suggested this term, but since so many people (I can only assume they are NOT Green Bay fans) are looking for a picture of Brett Favre crying, I give you this:

and this:

Maybe I’ll even have another picture to add after the Dallas game tonight.

Now I feel kind of mean. Sorry Brett.

I will announce the official results early next week. There is still time to enter, but it si going to have to be good to beat Ali. She found the pulse of the internet.

(blushing)

For those of you playing along at home I am having a contest to see who can come up with a phrase that will bring me the most hits. I’d like to mention right now that ham and Gruyere quiche, pee squad and onionbooty were not chosen, yet really seem to be areas of interest for people using the interweb.

Anyway, so far, Aliis kicking everyone else’s ass with ‘homer simpson vagina tattoo”. Tammy, Chase, Floreska, The Other Bear, Suburban Oblivion and Velocibadgergirl are all still in the running with (respectively) forces husband to wear panties, tig ol’ bitties, removing vongo, aunty’s breast milk, oblivion boobs and Kat Von D’s boobs.

You can see all of the entries here.

You still have time to participate in this contest, but the deadline is December 1st, so it better be a good one.

Now that I unbolded (Shut up. It could be a word. You don’t know.) your search term suggestions things are finally working.

Our current leaders are Ali with Homer Simpson vagina tattoo and Tammy with forcing your husband to wear panties.

I was so fascinated by Ali’s search term about the vagina tattoo that I did some research. You people are NEVER going to believe this: do not click this link at work. (I should have known that Susie Bright would come through for me.)

I’ll give you another update sometime next week. The kids and I are also going to draw a winner for our other contest this afternoon. (There is still time to enter to win).

In the meantime Ian and I will be at the ENT trying to figure out why he drools so much.

(For a recap of all of the terms in the contest click more – if you’ve already seen them, don’t click more.)

Arwen: Chocolate Chip Cookies that make you fart, poot, toot or pass gas.

Kellyology : asshole bleaching or bleaching your asshole and 4-year-old soccer.

Michele gives us: Under my skirt, fat naked chick and “at pregnant naked chick.

Chase : vagina taste, girls tasting ass and taste of female piss…. tig ol bitties and double d boobs.

Luther: Can you get high from smoking a hemp skirt?

Tastes Like Crazy : boobs.

ktjrdn : duct tape prom dress and AOL is a virus

Emily: reindeer poop.

Papa Bradstein: Ahmadinjead Uses iPhone to Take Picture of Britney’s Boobs, Bleached Ass and Sends Taste to Lindsay Lohan, Plus Posts on MySpace.

Whit: Pregnant Miley Cyrus and Nude Vanessa Hudgens in sex tape scandal with gay Zac Efron and Kim Possible.

Floreksa : Removing Vongo

Ree: Do grasshopper legs taste like chicken?

De in D.C.: edible underwear panties red.

You can call me Sir: is my ass haunted by pirates?

Elizabeth : baby names that end in y .

Paula the Surf Mom : outing Marsha and Jan Brady as lesbians

Tammy says: forces son/husband to wear panties/dresses.

Jill: catapult pumpkins or catapult midgets or is Sara Sidle dead. homemade dildo ?

Kate : poop on boobs and snuggle boobs feast

Patois: Bush visits Britney’s breastfeeding pictures in Facebook.

NG : was mr rogers in prison and sharp shooting crotch pain

The Other Bear : aunty’s breast milk

Suburban Oblivian: Oblivion boobs or oblivion hooker

XDM: Pregnant Pounders

Devra: panties and what does schmuck mean, naked barbie or panties image search.

Geena from Perpetual Exhaustion : mommy tampon aunt flo

Busy Mom: Anything with the Wiggles

Karen: boy enemas.

Sassymonkey: edible underwear.

Samantha Jo from Back to Me : Getting spanked by a semi

Velocibadgergirl from Pardon the Egg Salad :Kat von D’s boobs.

Suebob : peeing pants stories. Scarlet Johanson tits

Fear and Loathing in Stepford: I saw my first penis, camels eating generic viagra with their toes in bed with the olsen twins and lindsay lohan and paris hilton and rush limbaugh and a few tranny hookers… and mitt romney.

Phoenix: Nature’s Porn.

Trish : Huge lactating nipples. How to deal with my idiot ex-husband.

Redneck Mommy: redneck, mommy’s boobs and duct tape.

Sunshine (…and the pursuit of happiness): Double D’s and Ginormous boobies

Casey : lesbian cucumber sandwich.

Gidge: gorrilla bakes poop cookies. Gorilla poops no bake cookies.

Helena from Thrice Blessed Momma: in the gyno stirrups

The Queen of Shake Shake :Mike Rowe naked, crack whore videos, skid mark panties and Queen of Farts.

Ali from Cheaper Than Therapy: Homer Simpson vagina tattoo.

ps – Here are a few of my own: Ann Coulter and jews, The Office Pam no shirt, butt nugget, DJ Lance Rock, fart blossom, Project Runway Season 4.

I’m sure the people searching for onionbootys are sorely disappointed when they end up here.

Anyway, we are still in the middle of a contest and I thought I would give you an update on how all your pervert clever search terms are doing.

Is is going very poorly. I haven’t had crap for hits on any of them. In fact, I’ve had more hits for Mike Gravel, and I just wrote about that guy yesterday.* I also got one hit  today for “Why do cats puke in shoes?”. I wish I had the answer to that question.

I was going to put a list of our current leaders here, but since there are none instead I will ask you a technical question. Do you think it is possible that by bolding the search terms it makes the search engines refuse to recognize them?

* I also got linked to by a Tom Tancredo website. I hope his people don’t try to come and get me.

Does this read more thing piss you guys off? Tell me if it does and I’ll stop doing it. I’m just experimenting with where to put my footnotes since I can’t seem to stop using them. See, Gabe was giving me a hard time about using too many parenthetical asides and so I’m trying to use little astericks instead. What do you think? Which way is better?

It is very interesting to take a look into the minds of my readers.

I’ll let you see for yourselves.

Arwen said: Chocolate Chip Cookies that make you fart, poot, toot or pass gas.

Kellyology gave me two: asshole bleaching or bleaching your asshole and 4-year-old soccer. I would say she is covering both ends of the spectrum.

Michele gives us: “Under my skirt” “fat naked chick” and “fat pregnant naked chick”.

Chase gave me several (mostly upsetting) options: ‘vagina taste’…but just today so far I’ve gotten ‘girls tasting ass’ and ‘taste of female piss’…. anything disgusting with the word “taste” in it. Or boobs. I get lots of hits for ‘tig ol bitties’ and ‘double d boobs’.

Luther suggests: Can you get high from smoking a hemp skirt?

Tastes Like Crazy is going with a classic: boobs.

ktjrdn gave me: duct tape prom dress and AOL is a virus

Emily goes out on a limb with reindeer poop.

Papa Bradstein, this guy is a smart one. Check this out: Ahmadinjead Uses iPhone to Take Picture of Britney’s Boobs, Bleached Ass and Sends Taste to Lindsay Lohan, Plus Posts on MySpace.

Whit is on the same page as Mr. Bradstein: Pregnant Miley Cyrus and Nude Vanessa Hudgens in sex tape scandal with gay Zac Efron and Kim Possible.

Floreksa gave me one I’ve never even heard of: Removing Vongo

Ree says: Do grasshopper legs taste like chicken?

De in D.C. has a good one: edible underwear panties red.

You can call me Sir did some research: is my ass haunted by pirates?

Elizabeth (clearly a better citizen than the rest of you perverts) gave me: baby names that end in y .

Paula the Surf Mom says: you should try outing Marsha and Jan Brady as lesbians

Tammy says: Try something to do with moms that make their sons wear dresses or panties, or husbands that wear panties. Using the word forced in these sentences will help out alot, you know “forces son/husband to wear panties/dresses”.

Jill offers: how about catapult pumpkins or catapult midgets or is Sara Sidle dead. That should get some hits tonight anyway.. ummm… homemade dildo ?

Kate (who says she gets two because she has twins) gave me: “poop on boobs” and “snuggle boobs feast”

Patois has a good one: Bush visits Britney’s breastfeeding pictures in Facebook.

NG has two that make me uncomfortable: was mr rogers in prison and sharp shooting crotch pain

The Other Bear gives us: aunty’s breast milk

Suburban Oblivian says: “Oblivion boobs” or “oblivion hooker”, trust me on this.

XDM wanted to add: Pregnant Pounders

Devra: We get a bunch of folks searching “panties” and “what does schmuck mean”, and later she added “naked barbie” or “panties image search”.

Geena from Perpetual Exhaustion added: mommy tampon aunt flo

Busy Mom must get a lot of hits for Wiggle related search terms. She said: Anything with the Wiggles

Karen’s entry is: boy enemas.

Sassymonkey swears by edible underwear. Wait – that came out wrong.

Samantha Jo from Back to Me said: “Getting spanked by a semi” is my ace-in-the-hole.

Velocibadgergirl from Pardon the Egg Salad is going with Kat von D’s boobs. I have no idea what that means.

Suebob was really thinking about this. She said: I get hits every single day from “peeing pants stories.” But I would vote for “Scarlet Johanson tits” or something spelled wrong like that. That way you would get the pervy bad spellers, which, I think, are probably a large portion of the population.

I am just going to cut and paste Kara’s (Fear and Loathing in Stepford) entire comment:

My #1 hit of all time STILL is “I saw my first penis”

For you, I say: camels eating generic viagra with their toes in bed with the olsen twins and lindsay lohan and paris hilton and rush limbaugh and a few tranny hookers… and mitt romney.

You heard it here, folks.

Phoenix kept it simple: Nature’s Porn.

Trish says that: my old blog used to get hundreds of hits from people searching for:
Huge lactating nipples. This week I’m getting hits from: how to deal with my idiot ex-husband.

Redneck Mommy said: Don’t forget “Redneck”, “mommy’s boobs” and “duct tape.”

Sunshine (…and the pursuit of happiness) said: I did a post about a wedding party where they all had huge boobs and I still get search terms for “Double D’s” and “Ginormous boobies” all the time. Many of those searches come from our South American friends…it’s a global fetish.

Casey (who is unlikely to win this contest, but she already has a satgs key chain bottle opener anyway) thought long and hard (*snort* long and hard) and came up with: lesbian cucumber sandwich.

Gidge gets a lot of hits for: gorrilla bakes poop cookies. Or so she says. I wonder if it would work if you said gorilla with one r? I wonder if it would work with pee cookies?

Wait – she just changed hers to GORILLA POOPS NO BAKE COOKIES. Close, but so different. So so sooooooo different.

Helena from Thrice Blessed Momma swears that she ot a hit from ‘in the gyno stirrups’ and then she felt dirty.

The Queen of Shake Shake gets a lot of traffic from talking about Mike Rowe being naked, crack whore videos, skid mark panties and Queen of Farts.

Ali from Cheaper Than Therapy blew my mind with Homer Simpson vagina tattoo.

Nicole came in late and added Britney Spears vagina. I think she has a shot with that one.

MP gets a lot of hits for dropped puppy, dead baby in car and little boys peeing. Yikes.

I am Jack’s Raging Mommy (by far my favorite blog name) said poon squad, and made me laugh really hard.

Mommy at Work , owner of the #1 hit on Google if you type in “how to look slutty”, says Mommy got milk.

Now remember, this is a contest. It may take a while, so I am not going to pick a winner until December 1st. You still have time to get involved. If you leave a suggestion here or in the comments on the last post I will keep adding them.

ps – Here are a few of my own: Ann Coulter and jews, The Office Pam no shirt, butt nugget, fart blossom, Project Runway Season 4.

For those of you that are new I will fill you in – I was (am still am) amazed by how many hits I get on this blog for people searching for “Doodlebops without makeup”. I decided to see what would happen if I wrote something that I thought would generate a lot of hits. I chose Brad Pitt’s butt.

It was a failure. Sure, people search for it occasionally, but apparently Brad’s ass has nothing on the Doodblebops unmasked or hermaphrodite midget porn. I still get a ton of traffic from both of those search terms.

DeeDee Doodle     ————————————————->

What is wrong with this country.

Now – mostly out of boredom, I have decided to try another traffic experiment. Here is my problem. I can’t think of a good term. I was going to use a popular tv show, but when I checked the Neilsen Ratings I was so disappointed by what America was watching I changed my mind. Are you people really still watching “Survivor” and “CSI”?

It is time for the audience participation portion. You guys each pick a search term. I will publish them all with a link to you (if you have one). The person who comes up with the term or phrase that generates the most traffic will win a shiny new Sarah and the Goon Squad keychain bottle opener. If the winner already has one I’ll have to get creative. Or you can have another one.

Ready, set, go!