White Says I Have to Call this One “I Like Gold Butts and I Cannot Lie”
I was screwing around on Facebook on Friday afternoon when I saw a new status pop up. It's not how I imagined
Kicking the Can
I finally kicked. I am proud to say that I have gone eight days without eating a Pringle. I have no idea
My first 5K (before)
Remember in school when you were forced to run a mile in P.E.? That was always the worst day of the year for
You Heard the Man
It was one of those days where both kids were home with strep throat but the antibiotics had already begun to
May 11, 2013 By Goon Squad Sarah
Remember in school when you were forced to run a mile in P.E.? That was always the worst day of the year for me.
When I was in 8th grade I remember thinking seriously about taking a hammer to my own toe to get out of running the mile. This is a true story.
I think that is particularly warped thinking even for a 14 year old girl.
Today I am getting ready to run my first 5K. The weather says we will probably get rain. Possibly thunder storms, but here I am with my running shoes on and everything.
Being a parent does strange things to people.
May 1, 2013 By Goon Squad Sarah
It was one of those days where both kids were home with strep throat but the antibiotics had already begun to kick in and everybody was feeling okayish but we couldn’t really go anywhere so instead the children and I were watching a BBC Best of Doctor Who Monsters show. It was in the style of a VH1 I Love the Whatever show where a bunch of C and D List celebrities sit around talk about the 80s or the 25 best slow jams of 1987 or what have you.
In this case we had Doctor Who monsters.
This was kind of a weird show because 1) very few of the celebrities were either British or anyone I had heard of and 2) they were only discussing the villains from season six which is nuts because this show has been on since 1963.
It was also odd that the only celebrities I was really familiar with were former NFL player, Hugh Douglas and Scott Ian from Anthrax.
April 30, 2013 By Goon Squad Sarah
Disclaimer: I normally charge a bunch of money for a sponsored post here on Sarah and the Goon Squad, but you know how sometimes you are working with a company on one thing and then they call you one night to say, “Hey, we had a cancellation on one of our Mazda3 reviews, do you want to test drive it for a week starting tomorrow?” and you are over at your neighbors house on your third beer singing Journey songs and so you are in a really good mood, and you are all like “Sure! I’d love to! I have to go, I think they are playing ‘Separate Ways’. Bye!” Yeah, well that happened. In the interest of full disclosure, I am working with Mazda, but this was just a free test drive that I agreed to tell you about. -SB
* * *
If you read my introduction, you know that I was not a prepared as I normally am for a test drive when they dropped the Mazda3 at my house. I was excited because it was super cute!
April 27, 2013 By Goon Squad Sarah
Warning: To understand this post you might need a working knowledge of Great White’s catalog. Basically only Laurie, Tammy, Ritch and Celeste will know what the hell I am talking about. That’s right, you heard me. I haven’t written a word here in three months and now I open with this statement. I apologize. You can read it anyway.
* * *
I have an iPod that I pretty much only use when I mow my yard. I listen to music a lot, but I generally use my computer, the iPod on my phone, Pandora, Spotify or the Sirius in my car. This is only important because I haven’t used my iPod all winter and I didn’t remember what music was on there. I was mowing my lawn today and I was just as surprised as you are right now that I had added Great White’s “Mista Bone” to my playlist.
Stop laughing. You like dumb music too.
My first thought was: This song is ridiculous!
My second thought was: I love this song!
January 28, 2013 By Goon Squad Sarah
1) When you are comforting your child who is sick with the flu you are right. You are going to get it too.
2) If you are cutting up jalapeños and taking the seeds out make sure you generously wash your hands and leave ample time before you take out your contacts. Or tampon.
3) Yeah, it feels like when you are snorting the ocean and it looks disgusting, but if you have allergies, neti pots are the greatest.
January 23, 2013 By Goon Squad Sarah
I am the Lady MacBeth of lice.
Seriously, I always think I have lice and I never do.
In December my head was itching like crazy and I was convinced I was infested, but no. It was (wait for it) glitter.
I did not have lice. I had glitter.
GLITTER. It was far more glamorous than I could have imagined. Also itchier. One should be more careful when one is taking down sparkly decorations.
One time – ONE TIME – months ago one of children actually had lice. Ever since then I have had delusions of parasites.
About once every other week I comb through my hair with the little stabby comb and nothing is ever in there. I’m sure the damage I am doing to my scalp is what is causing the itching. Now that I am thinking it out it is probably just healing from the last time I scraped the crap out of my poor head.
January 22, 2013 By Goon Squad Sarah
On Saturday, Claudia and I went to Walgreens to pick up one item. We needed some shampoo.
Of course, since it was just the two of us, we also agreed to browse the nail polish selection.
We completely forgot to check out the nail polish but we remembered that we also needed conditioner and toothpaste. I also found a cool hair product I had been meaning to buy.
Then we saw some big barrettes that I needed to replace because they have somehow all mysteriously disappeared since Claudia started playing basketball and a few other hair accessories that caught our fancy.
When we got to check out I saw travel Tums and travel Advil and I had to buy those and then we saw chargers for iPhones that came in cool colors and I had been promising Claudia I would get her one of those.
Plus when don’t you need paper towels?
Basically, by the time I got out of there, I had spent $79.21 even though I only went in for one thing.
Yes, I am a sucker for the impulse buys, but none of this was junk AND I earned Balance Rewards, so really I was practically making money.
Look, I will justify things in my way and you can justify them in your way.
January 10, 2013 By Goon Squad Sarah