They Always Look So Happy in the Commercials


I don’t know why the people baking cookies with their kids on TV always look so happy.

I thought it would be a good rainy day activity yesterday so The Goon Squad and I decided to make cookies.

Well, technically we decided to make cupcakes, but I only had two eggs and the box recipe called for three eggs. And my neighbors weren’t home. And I had a package of sugar cookie mix, so cookies it was.

In commercials they show a well groomed lady in a clean kitchen smiling with cooperative and appreciative children that are all wearing pants.

In my house only two of us were wearing pants and I made the other one put on underwear before he could “bake” anything. The kitchen was a wreck from the get go and my hair… let’s just say I haven’t showered since yesterday and I went to the gym this morning.

The directions were simple. A stick of softened butter, one egg and the mix.

Have you ever tried stirring a dry powdery mixture with two four year olds helping?

I do not reccomend this activity to anyone. (Except my enemies.)

It went poorly but eventually I got the first sheet of cookies into my oven. Then it went like this:

Are they done yet? How about now? How about now? Are they done now? Now? Now?
How about now? Mommmmmmmy, are they done yet?

and on and on for 9 minutes.

Times four sheets of cookies.

And then:

Can I eat one now? Are they cool enough now? Why are they too hot? Why are you putting them on that rack? Can I eat it now? How about now? Now? I’ll only eat the cold part. Can I eat one now? Are they done now? Can I eat one now? Mommmmmmmmmy this is taking forever. This is taking one million years. Can I eat one now?

Until they cooled.

Then came the frosting. It took 10 minutes and they each frosted ONE cookie.

After that they complained about it.

Those commercials lie. Now my kitchen is an even bigger mess than it was when I started.

And now I am too full from eating cookie dough to go back in there and clean it up.

It is entirely possible that I gained five pounds and I don’t even really like sugar cookies all that much.

The next time it rains I am buying a bag of Oreos and renting a DVD.