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February 7, 2010

I Love it When She Sets Me Up

On the day after Snowmageddon 2010 I was supposed to be helping Claudia clean her room. Instead I was taking pictures out of her bedroom window.

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I was taking pictures of icicles when Ian walked in and said “Is that a bear?”

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The kids thought I was taking pictures of the large mammal in our back yard that I hadn’t even noticed.

I yelled “Hey Gabe! There is a huge doe in our back yard!”

And that is when Claudia fed me the line. She said “What is a doe?”

DSC_0041

I got to say – completely in context and with absolute accuracy – “A deer, a female deer.”

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah 4:14 pmParenting, The Pink One9 comments  

February 5, 2010

Lindsey Vonn, Sports Illustrated and Objectification

I don’t do this much over here, but I wrote this for Draft Day Suit and I thought I’d like to talk to you guys about this too. Don’t forget to click more or you will miss Danica Patrick in a bikini.

***

Last week skier Lindsey Vonn was in the news because some jerk in the media suggested that Vonn would have an advantage in the downhill events because she was carrying extra weight, so I was pleased when I saw this week’s cover of Sports Illustrated because I thought Vonn looked terrific.

lindsey-vonn-si-cover_

See? Adorable. The assholes who said she was fat should feel stupid and mean. She looks great right?

This whole thing should be so exciting, women athletes rarely grace the front cover of Sports Illustrated. Hell, women rarely appear on the front cover of SI unless it is the swimsuit issue. I was very pleased when I saw this, a woman athlete, an olympic sport this close to the Super Bowl! Not that I am knocking the Super Bowl in any way. I love the Super Bowl almost as much as I love bacon but it was nice to see something different for a change.

Sadly, things just couldn’t stay nice. People can’t just shut up and be happy for a nice all-American skier, can they? Nope.

“Oh,” cry the women, “she is being objectified!”

No. She really isn’t.

That is what skiers wear. Yes, the pose is exaggerated but it is photography. The photograph is cool. If you see that magazine cover and think about sex maybe the problem lies within because when I see that picture I think about skiing.

As my friend Laurie put it when we were discussing Lindsay Vonn yesterday, “she can’t win, obviously – she’s either cheating to win because she’s fat or she’s hot bending over.”

Women athletes are objectified all of the time – don’t even get me started on Danica Patrick or Anna Kournakova – this is not one of those times.

Let’s all take a deep breath and be excited for the Olympics and skiing and Lindsey Vonn.

(more…)

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah 4:21 pmMy Soapbox, Sports23 comments  

February 4, 2010

Nobody Remain Calm

It isn’t even 5:00 PM yet and my county has already canceled school tomorrow due to Snopocalypse II:  Electric Boogaloo.

The kids are going ape shit. They already tried to wash the mirror with bright purple foaming kids soap.

My local twitter prognosticators are saying that school probably won’t be back in until Tuesday at the soonest.

I know that one to two feet is a lot of snow but wow.Gas-BBQ-Grill-in-Snow

When I was at the grocery store yesterday there was a huge run on hot dog and hamburger buns. I’m still fairly new to snow, is one supposed to barbecue during a blizzard? Is it like the Fourth of July? Because my plan was to sit on the couch with a blanket and read a nice book or something.

I just got a text that said there was a run on Spam at Costco. SPAM. It is a snow storm not a nuclear holocaust.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I understand we stand a chance of getting 24 inches of snow. I understand that 24 inches is an assload of snow, but can’t we all just calm the hell down and stay inside?

And by stay inside, I mean after school on Friday, and only until Monday morning.

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah 5:25 pmMy Soapbox, Signs of the Apocalypse30 comments  

January 28, 2010

At Least I Think I am Funny

Last night I was at choir rehearsal and we were working on a particularly difficult piece of music.

For Melissa, Lori, Elisa and Loralee it was the Mathias “Let the People Praise Thee, O God”, the piece that he wrote for Prince Charles and Lady Diana’s wedding.

For everybody else it sounds like this.

I’m a first alto and the the alto line looks like this

Mathias1

and this

Mathias2

If you are a vocalist you are cringing. If you are an instrumentalist you are wondering what my deal is. If you can’t read music you stopped reading this post five minutes ago.

Before we moved on to the next piece the director asked if we had any questions.

I turned to the lady on my right. I said “Yeah, can we sing something else?”

No response.

I turned to the girl on my left and I said “Yeah, I have a question. What the hell Mathias?”

She looked at me like I had several heads.

I am so glad I have you guys.

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah 1:54 amI'm an Idiot, Music22 comments  

January 27, 2010

Generation Gap

Ian was in the shower and spiking up his hair.

Actual Father Not Shown

Actual Father Not Shown

I said “Are you making liberty spikes?”

He said “What is a liberty spike?”

I explained to him what a liberty spikes were and what a mohawk was.

“You know your Dad used to have a mohawk. A purple one.”

“No he didn’t. He had a purple head?”

“No, honey, just his hair was purple. His head was regular color. He used to have a nose ring too.” I said. ” A Bull Ring, like this” and I demonstrated what a bull ring looks like.

And my five year old son said “That is so old fashioned.”

Welcome to 2010 people. We are old now.

Posted by Goon Squad Sarah 1:46 amParenting, Speak Up Sonny. I can't hear you., The Blue One, Uncategorized14 comments  


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