Sweater in a Bush

When I dropped The Goon Squad off at preschool this morning something strange happened.

As we were walking up to the school from the parking lot we passed a big bush. This particular bush had a sweater hanging in it. This particular sweater appeared to be mine.

Did I even know my sweater was missing? No. Do I have any idea how it got there? Maybe.

You see every day leaving school is a struggle. It isn’t so much that the kids love school so much that they want to stay, it is just that by the time I pick them up they are tired and hungry and we pass a million distractions on the way out.

The last thing the 2 year old classes do during the day is go out on the playground. So, you guys can imagine how difficult it is to get two two year olds off of a playground. Then we pass a chalk board, then we pass the sit and spins, then we pass Ian’s one true love, the drinking fountain.

Plus they have their school bags and any art projects that we can bring home, and did I mention they are both usually tired and grumpy?

My guess is that sometime during yesterday’s wrestling match on the way to the car, I had my sweater either around my waist or thrown over my shoulder so that I could have a free hand and I was so busy chasing the boy so that he didn’t get hit by a car that when I brushed past this bush my sweater stuck and I didn’t even notice it.

Either way, it is really unnerving to find an item of one’s clothing stuck in a bush. Especially in a public place.

Has this ever happened to anyone else?

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  1. I have, and it wasn’t a sweater. Enough said.

  2. Is it better to have a sweater in the bush when you have none in the hand?

  3. I found one of my sons socks in the parking lot last winter. It must have fallen out of my pant leg when the static cling wore off. Lovely. But not nearly as violating as finding my own clothes in a bush.

    Toddler J is also a huge fan of the drinking fountain at daycare. Unfortunately I always manage to pass it with them just as the (older, quiter, calmer, queued up waiting their turn) 4 year olds are getting their post-playground drink.
    Toddler J runs up with all the ghusto and fury his 19 month old slef can muster and screams “NO!!!” and butts the line.

    Four year olds can hit back pretty hard. I almost took one out yesterday and then I remembered I was the adult.

  4. “Bush sweater” sounds so dirty.

  5. Our preschool has a big, old BELL out front. A motherfreaking bell that GONGS like Sunday church is letting out.

    Guess how many times everyone has to ding the bell when we get there AND when we leave?

  6. And I thought you were talking about Politics.

  7. i have this thing that i do that makes me laugh (dunno if it’s funny to others or not) where, when walking or driving or standing on a subway platform, if i see orphaned clothing like a shoe or a glove or a sweater, i ask my companion, whoever they are, if it belongs to them. one time our friend adam came to visit us when we lived in nyc and he didn’t. it was winter. we were walking in the west village and i saw a glove on the arm of a dumpster (there was a bar sticking off the side, and someone had put the glove on it as if on a hand). “is that your glove?” i asked adam. he looked at it and said, “yes! it is! i lost my glove earlier.” then he pulled his other one out of his pack and, in fact, it was a perfect match. except this one was wet and had had the arm of a dumpster inside it.

    as for the process of getting your kids away from the school and into the car, i hear ya sister. holy crap is this a pain-in-the-ass twins thing. i don’t know if yours are old enough for this yet, but last year (when zoe and lucy were 3), i started saying “ok, i’m leaving. bye!” and walking toward the car. amazingly, this works. it’s not great where parking lots are concerned of course, but for taking leave of other places, it works great for me. and will someday be the cause of someone calling child services on me, i’m sure. but until then, i’ll keep using it.

  8. Very, very funny.

    In college, I slipped on a pair of jeans I had worn out the night before because I woke up late and needed to hurry to work.

    When I turned around in the file room at work, a pair of my black, lacy panties from the night before (apparently stuck in my jeans leg) were lying on the floor. In front of several people. I feigned dumb and let them believe it was a salesman’s gross joke.

  9. It is BUSH POST DAY!! or something?? — see my house.

    I hope you washed that sweater. in an impromptu trip to a park this past Sunday I used someones abandoned fleece coat as a rag. It was raining just before — I was solo parent child wrangling on the weekend (which tends to make me a bit edgy) …

    I picked up the coat and said to it ‘ You’re owner will wash you up when you get home, right?’ – I guess coast said yeah ’cause I proceeded to sweep sand and water from the slide and jungle-gym-tunnel with it. E.s bum was plenty soaked already and by the end (pun intended) of our play… her damp bum was so sand encrusted she look a bit like a Notre Dame Toddler Gargoyle. Happy though thanks to not getting so wet as to shiver in the cold.

    Thanks coat.

  10. Never done that, but I did find a kitten under the hood of my car yesterday. Does that count?!

  11. As a preschooler, I made my usual run from the front door of the school, to my Mom’s car, then to the GIANT cement tube that had been waiting to stuck in the ground for a long time.

    On the return trip to the car – where my mother was waiting patiently – I trip and caught myself with my chin on the semi-sharp corner of the concrete pipe. Several stitches and 33+ years later, I still have a scar under my chin.

    I realize your post had nothing to do with that, but it did bring on a personal rush of preschool memories. That one in particular.

  12. At least it was an outer garmet. At least it was you that found it.

    At least it was only a bush.

  13. Oh, no! It is damn near impossible to get two toddlers from school to the car with no incidents. Really, it’s a miracle this hasn’t happened before now.

  14. I can’t stop laughing !!!I think the twins will give you years of entertainment as they enter school. Or wait, is it you entertaining them ??

  15. I never found my clothes in a bush, only Jeff.

  16. Maybe that bush is related to the kite-eating tree from Charlie Brown….?

  17. I’ve seen Bush in a sweater. He’s no Mr. Rogers.

  18. I just want to know if it was a living kitten?
    Cuz that tops a sweater.
    Unless it’s dead.

  19. I never found my clothes in a bush, but once in junior high my friends and I strung my bra up a flagpole.

  20. Um… Nope, can’t say that I have girl. But I think it’s pretty friggin funny that you did. 😉

  21. I once arrived home from work and saw someone’s bra hanging off a car aerial. I laughed out loud. Meanly. Then I got closer to my apartment and saw a pair of undies that looked rather too familiar stuck on the bricks of the outside of the building. It was starting to be less funny. It had been really windy and my washing had blown off the line, which of course happened to be mostly bras and undies. Where they had hit the bricks of the building they’d stuck. The bricks were kind of prickly so it was like a velcro effect. Some of them were out of arms reach so I had to stand on the balcony with a long stick trying to rescue my smalls from public view. Ah, good times.

  22. Ok, when I was in high school I found a Ratt concert shirt sitting on the bench in front of the gym lockers. I made a big deal about some idiot leaving his shirt out and how it was his loss. I then gave the shirt to a larger stoner kid that was eye-balling me.

    It was my shirt. I realied it a minute later when I opened my locker and realized I would be forced to wear my P.E. shirt the remainder of the day.

    Don’t worry. I saw Ratt in concert again.

  23. Now I can’t stop my mind from repeating, “hen in a bush. hen in a bush. hen in a bush…” You’re with me, right?

  24. Perhaps someone could shove a sweater in Bush’s gob..
    Over here we usually hang any clothing we find astray on bushes or trees, so people will notice them and find them. Perhaps your sweater was lying around and someone hung it up to dry…?

  25. Hilarious, Sarah.

  26. …not that I want to admit. Brings to mind a college story, but I’ll spare you the details.

    Perhaps a passerby hung it in the bush so that the owner would see it??

  27. I had my undies mailed back to me following an anniversary stay at a bed and breakfast. Fortunately, I recognized the undies were folded like how I fold, so at least I knew they were a clean pair and hadn’t been found bunched up in the bed linen which would have made me pass out from embarassment!

    The innkeeper was kind enough to also include the symphony schedule, which I had inquired about during our visit.

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