Translate Schlongmeister and Other Searches

No lie. “Translate Schlongmeister” somehow ended up here. I can’t ever recall typing the word schlongmeister until I just wrote the title of this post and now I’ve gone and done it thrice. Whatever. It’s still funny.

Here are a few more searches that landed these poor people here:

– photo of Laura Bush in bathing suit

– John McMain does Streisand.

I totally can’t decide if they mean he is singing Streisand songs or if he actually DOES her. Either way it makes me shudder a little bit.

– Hiroshima ring around the rosie

– snort laundry bleach

I do not advocate snorting anything in your laundry room.

– Lolita fart

– warm butt lick

– Nora Ephron facelift

– Trent Reznor sex mommy

– anaconda noodling

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What is the best one you’ve had in the last 10 days?

(ps – If that doesn’t keep you busy, Chris over at Rude Cactus is looking for new tagline suggestions. It is a really good excuse to make crude prick jokes.)

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  1. “shit games”
    “‘nipple shield’ slave”
    “beaver pencil toppers”
    and “eat baby toes”

    They sound a little more like commands than searches, though, no?

  2. I keep getting “cute puke.” Oh yes, puke is the cutest thing EVER.

  3. Nipple shield slave?

    Wow. What kind of site are you running over there?

  4. “breastfeeding grown men”
    “do spain have bakers”
    “pic of bazoombas”
    “how do i put a snaredrum together”
    “is it controlling to tell your girlfriend what to wear”
    “west f*cking virginia shirt”

  5. Well, after months of waiting, I’ve finally gotten a hit with ‘doodlebops without makeup” but the best in the past 10 days is:

    “Lexus christmas screaming kids” – Don’t even know where to begin with that one

    “don adams phobia monologues” – wait, what?

    “heat miser inflatable” – uh… I hope they mean an inflatable Christmas item and not something… else…

    And I’d like to hear why Lumpyheadsmom got the hit for “nipple shield’ slave”

  6. I seem to get a lot of searches for forcing husband to wear panties…

    husband wears panties cleans house
    “thought i had a cold”
    force husband to wear diapers
    freeballing in grade school
    husbands wearing panties and cleaning toilets

  7. I keep getting variations on “aunty’s milk”, “aunty breast” and “i drank aunty’s breast milk”. By the way, I don’t and haven’t.
    Oh but I thought this was funny – “friends don’t let friends become vegans”. They so don’t.

  8. “2 dogs on potty trained other will not”
    “killin the moose in elf bowling” and “crazy mormon shit test” and those were just in the last hour. :)

    You get some great ones, but just think of the ones you’ll get now.

  9. Most personally horrifying due to what it says about me and my blog: Picture of Swiper.

    Most disturbing: Mother puts baby in microwave. I have, for the record, never ever done this nor have I ever (to my knowledge) discussed this.

    Most frequent: Tarkay and autism

    Most understandable: disgusting green. I say this a lot.

  10. Very disturbing. Lolita fart. Ha.

    Thanks for the pimpage.

  11. nothing of note, just the usual:

    belly button lint color

    candy penis

    hot wives panty pics

  12. I am obviously running a porn site and did not know it. My keywords are “twin fuck”, “dad fuck” and “Arabian dad fuck twins”.

    Hey here is a shout out ot my Arabian audience.

  13. Oh funny! I hadn’t seen this and just posted a whole list of my recent searches at my blog. It’s hard to choose from among so many gems, but I think I’ll have to go with “innuendo spray” and “kenny loggins souvenirs.”

  14. The weirdest thing was that “nipple shield” was in quotes.

    Okay, that’s not the weirdest thing, but you know.

  15. Not too long ago Aviva put a “Top 11” search terms into a short story on our blog. But here are some new ones…

    “light-hearted commentary on public participation in local government” I’m really not sure who does this, me or Aviva. Evidently someone else knows but we don’t.

    “heaviest bosom contest free videos” Should we have this contest? Are free videos the prize? OR Did the heaviest bosom disagree (nee contest) with the free videos?

    “thanksgiving jokes for senior citizens” Maybe this is the Aristocrat joke for the older crowd.

    Here are some of the questions people searc to find our site:
    Why do men leave dishes in the sink?
    can you get lice in a pool?
    slip n slide why yellow?
    Why do bad things happen in threes?
    Should I punish my son for farting?
    Why doesn’t Meredith Viera stay until the end of the Today Show?
    What does schmuck mean?

  16. FYI:
    When John McCain hosted SNL, he did a skit where he sang barbara streisand songs. Probably what they were looking for.

    As for people that mentioned searches for “nipple shield” that probably refers to the whole Janet Jackson superbowl incident.

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