If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions: SATGS mailbag

Fine. It’s not really a mailbag. I told you that you could ask questions in my comment section in my last post. I must have been drunk when I wrote that one.

Fortunately, most of you were either too scared (like Bridgette) to ask a question, to polite to ask a question, or you just don’t read blogs on the weekend and I’ll end up doing a part two tomorrow. (I suppose the other option is that nobody actually reads my blog and it’s just my Mom clicking on my link 300 times a day because I told her I would get money from my ads if she did that.) But I did get a couple of questions, so here goes:

Andie D. (and yes I realize that her name is Andie, but I alwaays think of her as Grumppopotamus, and if I ever meet her I will insist on calling her that) asked: If you had to pick one celebrity to have sex with, who would it be and why?

If you would have asked me this question two years ago I would have said Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp, but since those answers are boring and I wouldn’t want to get any of Angelina Jolie’s cooties I am going to say John Lynch. There is no way John Lynch has cooties.

Mom at Work asked: If you could choose one blogger to rake her lawn and freak her out, who would it be and what would she title the post about it?

Well, You know I am lazy, so I would probably pick someone who either lived in an apartment or had a lawn guy so that the actual work would be minimal. Maybe a New York City blogger. They don’t have lawns. Or a Florida blogger, they don’t have leaves… maybe I could hide in my house and my crazy neighbor would rake their lawn for me. We would call the post “I think Sarah’s crazy neighbor is raking my lawn.” That has a nice ring to it.

Erin asked: I’m sure it’s in your archives somewhere, but did you have the goon squad vaginally or via c-section? Having gone the c-section route for my 1 baby, I have a lot of respect for moms of multiples who “did it” vaginally.

I had a caesarian. Ian was head down, but Claudia was vertex. Most of the time (but not always) with twins if either one isn’t head down they will do a c-section so that you don’t end up having one vaginally and one surgically. It is too traumatic to the mother’s system.

Devra asked: Houdini, Kool and The Gang and me. Now come up with the question I am answering.

That is easy. Who changed your flat tire?

You people are going to have to ask Devra about that one. She also met DMX in an elevator in Baltimore, and Jared, the Subway guy on an airplane. She isn’t like other people.

______

I guess that wasn’t so scary. You guys are way nicer than Beth’s readers.

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  1. I had one twin head down and the other vertex and they were born vaginally. Nyah nyah na nah nyah!! :) It hurt and stuff.

  2. This last one just made me laugh out loud.

    And while I don’t know who John Lynch is, from that photo alone I think I just might have to stalk him and find out.

  3. Hey I am trying to sell my house this weekend at a ridiculously inflated price!!! I could have really used that raking.

    THANKS A LOT!

  4. I want to hear Devra’s flat tire story. Or is it stories? I mean, was Houdini hanging out with Kool and the Gang before Devra needed her tire changed? Or did she get a flat and summon help from both Houdini and Kool and the Gang?

  5. Wait, I know. Kool and the Gang was on the radio, and Devra was channeling Houdini for instructions on how to loosen the lug nuts. Am I close?

  6. I knew the typo would come back to bite me. It is actually not Houdini, but “Whodini”.

    Whodini was one of the premiere Hip,Hop R&B groups which came to being right around RunDMC and of course, Kook and the Gang.

    Now try and figure it out, since you have the correct spelling. ; )

  7. Oh lord. That would be Kool!

  8. Kook and the Gang. KOOK and the Gang. That’s a great typo.

    Okay, now I’m guessing you had a flat tire at a rest stop somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Whodini was playing live that night at the county fair with Kool and the Gang, and their tour bus stopped at the same rest stop. They saw you needed help, and offered a hand.

    You wanna hear one of my flat tire stories? I have some good ones. We should have a flat tire day and ask everyone to tell flat tire stories on their blogs at the same time. And drink flat tire beer while they’re doing it.

  9. ohhhhh lurker here.
    I didn’t know we were asking questions.
    That’ll teach me to take a day and do my work instead of peruse the blogs.

    So am I too late to ask would you walk topless through the grocery store to get your family out of debt?

    Or am I just pushing it to ask if you didn’t have to consider the carseats for the goonsquad and the paraphenalia required to take them anywhere, what car would you be driving and what color would it be?

    I guess I’ll just give up and not ask if Ian has to have his hat, and Claudia her puffy coat, what do you feel the most special wearing?

    So forget it, I’m not gonna ask.

    The Pup, always a day late and a dollar short.

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