Who Buys This Kind of Crap?

I was at Safeway the other day when I saw something that really disturbed me. I was so upset that I took some pictures with my cellphone.

 Nope. You are seeing it correctly. This is a picture of two NASCAR Harlequin romance novels. (There were others but the pictures came out blurry).

This makes me feel like my head is going to explode. Is there a market for this? Who is reading these? Admit it right now if it is you. Me? I think I’d rather jab myself in the eye with a sharp stick than read one of these books in my free time.

I’m not sure I’d read one of these if you paid me.

Well of course if you paid me enough I would, I’m not an idiot. But I wouldn’t enjoy it. No sir, I wouldn’t like it one bit. My head hurts just thinking about what kind of Busch Light beer fest the marketing department was having when they came up with this gem. I wonder if they even sell these above the Mason Dixon line. I moved 1000 miles north and I still live somewhere where they sell NASCAR romance novels in my grocery store.

I am so worked up about these books that I am thinking of having a contest to see if any of you can find even stupider books, but I haven’t decided what kind of prize would be appropriate. Would you guys play along?

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  1. Maybe my sister in law? I wouldn’t doubt it, she reads crap & has named her kids after race car drivers.

  2. I would partake of a contest of that ilk.

    I would never, ever, never-ever read anything like that. I have never, and will never read a romance novel, let alone a NASCAR romance novel… talk about loss of brain cells…

    And as far as an audience for it, I am 99% sure there is one… but I’ll resist saying anything about that demographic in fears of offending someone…

  3. I’d participate. But by the looks of it, it’d be tough to find something stupider in print. Might have to go to digital media.

  4. What the f*#@! Maybe they “make love” on a racecar. Yikes!!!

  5. I think Jenny at MamaDrama has already won this contest. She found a coloring book of, um, ladies’ private parts. For sale on Amazon. I am not kidding.

    However, Nascar Harlequin romances rates right up there on the top of the list of books that will make your IQ decrease from just *considering* reading them.

    And we all know that motor oil will play a part somewhere, right? mk

  6. Frank Sucks says:

    My brother wanted to buy me one for Xmas but couldn’t find any up here.

  7. When we went to Sarasota we saw romance novels written for Amish girls.
    I like to think they went like this “And Jebediah came in from raising the barn. Mary served him a glass of lemonade without making eye contact as this would’ve been wanton and unseemly. Jebediah followed her with his eyes, hoping to catch a flash of ankle, or maybe even calf……”

    VERY good stuff.

  8. You know, I would be less upset if the people on the cover were more, um Nascar-ish. You know, the guys should be sporting a FIERCE mullet. It’s no wonder we are hated by everyone else in the world.

  9. “As the engine roared and things began to hot up, Jim-Bob stared at Jill-Bob’s beautiful yellow front tooth and leaned in to give her a chew of his tobacco. She obliged, sucking the tobacco sensually as he caressed the brand new varicose vein that had popped up on her dimpled thigh…”

    Ooooh yeah.

  10. I’m 99% certain they sell those here in Alabama. I was in the bakery section of our Target the other day and saw(I swear I am NOT making this up) cupcakes with little John Deere signs sticking out of them. Unreal.

  11. OMG! I know you found this in my relative backyard.

    Same people who watch Jerry Springer I guess.

  12. I am sure if you were to show up at our annual redneck campout, you would find this item among the mess. We are going on line this summer so you too can vote for your favorite red neck campsite. We actually haul in cars and remove the wheels for the weekend….this book is ssssooo us..

    Think I’m kidding? check out last summers pictures on our website..


  13. I would say something equally snarky, except for the fact that until embarrassingly read I enjoyed Sweet Valley High books…

  14. Hey, those books might be bad, but it’s better than a sharp stick in the eye – errr, wait.

  15. i’m wondering…
    if there is a market for such a thing…
    can the target audience even read?

    i kid, i kid.

  16. I will admit to loving trashy romance novels…but this is a little much. I don’t like Nascar, so there is a defininte turn off, but seriously…who felt that there was a need for such a thing?? Are the publishing companies out of the nacare loving minds???

  17. I almost don’t want to say it but what the hell. I actually purchased (at Target as well) a NASCAR romance book that had 4 short stories in it. I haven’t even read it yet. Did I just type yet? Good lord. Geek/freak factor through the roof now. Aggh I’ve just offended the geeks. Great. I’ll just hang my head in shame over in the corner there. I’ll thank you in advance for the ridicule I’m sure to receive =0)

  18. I bet the sex metaphors in those books are awesome. “Her climax erupted within her like a rollover crash into the wall at the third turn of the Talladega Superspeedway…”

    I had a lit professor in college (at Duke!) who used to write Harlequin romances. Amazing.

  19. Oh my god, How funny! I have to get those for my sister in law. She would find them so funny. I would completely get into a competition to find the most insane book ever.

  20. LOL I’m running to Safeway this afternoon. I’m definitely looking to see if we have these stoopid books, or maybe something even more stoopid. Stay tuned!

  21. Aren’t NASCAR fans and trashy romance readers the same demographic?

  22. Those might seriously fall in the so-bad-they’re-good category. I doubt it but they might surprise you.

  23. Are you mocking my taste in literature?

    Yeah, I can’t even pretend. Those look pretty horrible. But FABULOUS gag gifts for the inevitable Yankee-swap/white-elephant parties in New Hampshire this winter…

  24. I’m laughing so hard I might pee. I admit, it would be funny to read and find out how ridiculous the books are. If you gave me a prize, I’d do it and report back. I just don’t know if these books are sold in Wisconsin.

    Wait. Who am I kidding. We have rednecky Nascar fans here! 😀

  25. I will admit to reading romance novels, and even the occasional Hrlequin, but there is something funny about these books. I have noticed them in CA too, and they made me smile. Here’s to the race car drivers and the men and women who love them.

  26. JDA – Jaw Droppingly Awful

    The quality of the writing should be right up there with the Left Behind series. Ooh, I feel a rant coming on…

  27. It’s a whole new twist on Whorelequin Romances!

    One thing that puzzles me, though: your picture is small but I don’t think either of those guys is Fabio. Can it really be a true romance novel without a shirtless Fabio on the cover???

  28. Hmm…seems like a more appropriate venue to peddle these wares would be one’s local Wal-Mart.

    “Oh Jim-Bob, you really rev my engine…” she sighed breathlessly, caressing his crankshaft with her smooth oil-slick hands.

    That’s kind of fun, actually. Sarah, maybe your readership would be open to some kind of blog carnival/story tag thing wherein everyone adds a sentence/paragraph or two.

  29. I’ve known about this for a long time and I’ve always alternated between groaning and thinking it’s positively brilliant marketing. Do you know how many women watch Nascar?

    *If* I remember correctly I read an article that there was some sort of agreement between Harlequin and one of the drivers for him to “appear” in one of the books.

    Can something be horrific and brilliant at the same time? *ponders*

  30. omg! i just laughed for like 2 mins straight!

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  1. […] next purchases were inspired by Sarah and the Goon Squad. Many moons ago she posted about spotting a couple of Nascar romance novels – something she found so amazing she had to take a picture with her cellphone (what did we do […]

  2. […] next purchases were inspired by Sarah and the Goon Squad. Many moons ago she posted about spotting a couple of Nascar romance novels – something she found so amazing she had to take a picture with her cellphone (what did we do […]