An Imaginary Celebrity Pick Up Soccer Game

gordon-ramsayGabe and I are suckers for all those reality cooking shows. We watch Top Chef and Who Wants to Be the Next Food Network Star and Hell’s Kitchen.

We were watching Hell’s Kitchen last week and we started talking about how Gordon Ramsay used to play professional soccer.

king_diamond04Naturally this became a conversation about who would win a pick up game between Ramsay and King Diamond.

Who would win if it was Gordon Ramsay verses Bruce Dickinson (yes, that Bruce Dickinson)?Bruce Dickinson

Well, now we have three guys, so they could play on teams, except we were having trouble coming up with a fourth ex-professional soccer player that would be equally hilarious.

We discussed Vinnie Jones or Sylvester Stallone (in Victory) but neither of them really seemed to round out one of the teams.

Hi. My name is Sarah and I stayed up until one o’clock in the morning trying to find a better picture of Bruce Dickinson. This was the best I could find. So please help us figure out another soccer player so that King Diamond, Gordon Ramsay and Bruce Dickinson will not have uneven teams.

Clearly we need help.

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  1. Well. There is always Andrew Shue.

  2. King Diamond?
    You remember this person?
    I had totally forgotten him.
    I heart Gordon Ramsey!

  3. Have you forgotten about Rod Stewart?? Not Rod Stewart in his heyday, but the Rod of today. The older one who sings old jazz standards and marries 7 feet tall blond women who are 50 years younger than he is. I imagine Ramsey getting all pissed off because Rod fell down, again, and this time broke his hip.

    “Aw, git the ‘ell ooo-wt! You’re a worthless donkey, Rod, d’ya know that? Bloody ‘ell.”

  4. I was gonna go with that guy from 90210, but Mayberry beat me to it. How about Brandi Chastain?

  5. I wish I knew more about soccer (futbol) than I do. Not a real fan of HK even though I do like the BBC version of Kitchen Nightmares. Ramsay is a lot mellower on British TV. My husband started watching HK to hear him say “wanker.” He doesn’t use that word much this season, they must have felt the American audience wouldn’t get it.


  6. I’m saying just let all three of them take on Beckham. Then you get the best of the ‘old’ and the ‘new’ :)

  7. I imagine King Diamond would just kick everyone elses ass on his own.

  8. From this post Sarah I’d have to say you are hanging out at my blog too much.

  9. Rod Stewart used to kick the foot ball around!!!

  10. What about Russell Crowe?

    Wait, I don’t even know anything about soccer.

  11. Wow, I watch all those shows and I never got to the soccer thoughts. Let Gordon coach and call them all donkeys–although I like wanker better.

  12. I was going to say Andrew Shue (Melrose Guy), but I think his pretty boy image might be killed by all of these aggressive/angry men. But of course, he would balance things out.

  13. Oh and Mia Hamm’s an author of a children’s book now. Does that count as a celebrity who used to play soccer?

  14. I just can’t get into Hell’s Kitchen. Every week it’s the same show – someone with no talent shockingly fucks up in the kitchen, guy yells. But Top Chef? If only Sam were on every episode it would be perfect.

  15. You should definitely have Vinnie in your team. First, he is the only player you name who was actually any good. He played for Premiership teams including Chelsea, won the FA Cuip and represented his country. Secondly, because he squeezed the odious Gazza’s testicles mid-match.

  16. I watch those shows too…let me say that Gordon is my imaginary boyfriend.

  17. What about that guy who won Survivor?

  18. I just love everything about this post. You are awesome!

  19. My money is totally on Bruce Dickinson. Run To The Hills!!

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