Mary Mary Quite Contrary

Guess who lost her drivers license on an airplane in Missouri yesterday?

That’s right. You heard me. I left my i.d. on an airplane in St. Louis (I blame the Rams).

What kind of idiot loses her drivers license when she knows she has to fly home?

Me and her.

While I openly admit that I am a moron, and I should have put my id away but I am still going to complain. Today I will complain in letter form.

Dear Mary at American Airlines in St. Louis,

Yes. It is my fault that I am too stupid to keep track of my picture identification, however you don’t have to be a dick about it.

I mean – thanks for looking in the seat I ended up in. But you couldn’t check the other seat? It isn’t as if I were playing Chinese fire drill. Your company is the one who cancelled my first flight, that is the whole reason I was in St. Louis in the first place. I was supposed to have a direct non-stop flight to Chicago.

So don’t be a jerk to me.  You know the TSA rules. Why do you think it is a totally reasonable to send my only form of photo id to my house by regular mail when YOU KNOW FOR A FACT I AM FLYING TO CHICAGO? You don’t have to roll your eyes at me, you don’t have to ask in your especially sarcastic voice who is going to pay to overnight you license to your hotel?

Because you know what? I am on my way to a blogging conference. I know your job is tough. I know that people come to you with their problems all day long, but your company (American Airlines) is the one who is cancelling all the flights and losing everyone’s luggage.

And I can see your name tag, Mary. Mary at the American Airlines gate in St. Louis. And I am going to tell the whole interweb that you were a jerk to me yesterday.

Suck it, Your Nemesis, Sincerely,


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  1. I should figure out how to link this to my site– people are having a blast reaming out (non)customer service people. Airline personnel seem to be topping the list.

    So sorry.

    I think they’ll accept a fax of your birth certificate and passport or something if someone at home can do that.. my MIL had her wallet stolen once and we went through all kinds of hoops.

  2. What? The dickheads at the airlines won’t take your soopah-fly key chain bottle openers as identification enough? DON’T THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

    (moron or not?)


    And Mary is a jerk. I’m sending her hate vibes right now.

  3. Now why you gotta throw down the hate towards my Rams? Just because they have a real quarterback and the Bucs don’t is no reason to… no, I won’t kick you while you’re down.

    Sorry you lost your license… but on the plus side, the way American Airlines is going right now, Mary will probably lose her job anyway wihtin the week.

  4. Mary is totally a jerk.

  5. that mary might just have a robot drawn about her crap face. was she wearing one of those crap girly bowties and a vest? I bet she didn’t look like this, I bet she didn’t.

  6. YOU WIN!

    First Blogher Blogger to Blog that I read. Now I am going to be slavishly devoted to your site (aka stalking) because I will expect frequent jealousy-invoking updates.

    As for Mary? Phhbbbbttt to that kind of attitude.

    You got your ID back, right?

  7. I made this for you. It’s just imaginary violence, so it’s okay.

  8. I made this for you. It’s just imaginary violence, so it’s okay.

  9. Blame it on the plane. That’s what Mili and Vanili did.

    Good thing you look old so you can still drink.

  10. They must all be smoking the same thing at all the airlines these days.

  11. I hate a$$ hole airline people, and there seem to be a lot of them!

  12. Aren’t airline workers infuriating? Why do they always get so hostile when we make a CUSTOMER service request?

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