The Filth and the Fury

I apologize in advance for anyone who came here looking for a post about the documentary on The Sex Pistols. While I would be happy to discuss that film at length, this post is actually about my house.

My house is a mess and it is completely my fault. I am a terrible housekeeper. I am actually a pretty crappy house wife. I suck at cleaning and cooking. I don’t do crafts or dinner parties. I’m a half-assed grocery shopper as I usually forget at least one item even if it is on the list and I remember to take the list with me. I’m decent at the mom part, but I let the kids watch too much tv.

My point is, my house is messy and I am angry about it. I am mad at myself for letting it get this bad and I am mad because I can’t motivate myself to fix the problem.

Well, sort of.

Yesterday I hired someone to come deep clean my house.

It isn’t cheap either.

This is the deal I made myself: Instead of taking my Strollerderby money to the wine store (like I usually do) I am going to spend that money on the cleaning this month.

This way I won’t have filth or fury.

I might be thirsty, or forced to drink 2-buck-chuck but at least my house will be clean.


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  1. Bitch, if I had strollerderby money I would TOTALLY be spending it on a housekeeper.


    Just take the wine money out of your blogher money.

    See how that works? Or start doing some annoying payforpost blog for your wine money.

  2. and I meant bitch, lovingly.


  3. I am also the crappiest housekeeper ever. And I work full time. We’re not even home and we can’t keep it clean. When I went back to work, the first thing I did was get cleaners to come every 2 weeks. If I ever stop working, it’ll be the first to go and the thing I will miss the most!

    I’m trying to focus on getting actual dinners going every day so we sit at the table and eat together.

    Managed it yesterday. First time all week!

  4. I would do the same, if the finances allowed it. Sure would make life a hell of a lot easier. :)

  5. What you need is a housekeeper that will take glasses of wine as payment.

  6. Mine’s a mess too – and the laundry, I’m going to just buy new underwear and socks. We got home from vacation last Saturday and my suitcase is still full and in the livingroom. HA beat that. I live by the saying that cleaning your house while you have children living in it, is like shoveling the driveway when it’s still snowing.

  7. I do keep a pretty clean house but I would take a housekeeper ANY DAY. I think you are smart to do it. It will get you back to a starting point where maybe you wont feel so overwhelmed.

    But Whit totally has the best idea. Is that enabling?

  8. totally has my back. once your housekeeper has the shit whipped into shape, you could try it. It’s a little hokey but totally free, and flylady rocks my world.

    I’m just sayin’…

  9. I need a paying writing job so I can get a housekeeper. And a MANSITTER.

  10. Hmm…if I had to choose between wine and a cleaning lady, I have to say that I’d choose the wine. Actually, I’d choose Sailor Jerry Rum, but, why split hairs? :)

  11. Cleaning puts me in the grumpiest mood.

  12. I can see why a clean house might be nice, but I’d probably choose the wine too. Of course for the next month, I still have a clean freak of a roomate, so I may change my tune when I live alone.

  13. PLEEEEEASE send me the info for who you are using.

    Do they put away clutter too?

    I’m just like you. My momma didn’t raise a domestic lady (no matter how hard she tried).

  14. I also suck at housework. I think my best option is to sell all my stuff, move to an entirely new home and start over. And still hire a housekeeper. Sigh. None of this will happen.

  15. Flippin’ sweet! I want one too!! I am the worst house keeper. You should see my living room. At this moment I have five baskets of laundry beckoning me to fold them and put them away. They’ve been there for 6 days.

  16. How sad is it that I am so far away? All these people who need help. I am good at cleaning and fast as hell at it. (Purely because I hate doing it). And all the payment I would ever want? 5 freakin minutes to go to the toilet ALONE without having to explain to one of my kids where my “willie” went :)They have issues with why Daddy has one and they both have one and I don’t. (and I am just not up to a birds n bees talk with Mrs 3 and 7)

    I would also accept the use of a mansitter to go OUTSIDE BY MYSELF and have a COFFEE at a PLACE that is not my KITCHEN and DRINK IT WHILE IT’S STILL HOT!

    All plane tickets gratefully accepted :)

    Will work for bourbon as well!!!!

  17. Mister’s 3 and 7….. not Mrs… sorry

  18. I try and clean every Sunday afternoon. It doesn’t always happen that way though. Sometimes I sleep :)

  19. Since we moved into this house just over a year ago, it has never been this bad, it’s embarrassing and I fear someone will come over unannounced and I will be forced to keep them at bay, outside my door and not let them in no matter what..

  20. Oh how funny! I just finished drafting my post for tomorrow and it’s about cleaning! BWAHAHAHA

    Well come by tomorrow. :)

    I highly endorse subcontracting labor in certain cases. Good for everyone, right? :)

    Ravin’ Picture Maven

  21. *sigh* the day I hired someone to come clean my house is the day the angels sang.
    We have someone come once a month (if we had more money, she’d come more regularly, I promise!) to do the floors and the scrubbing in the bathroom and the windows and all the keeeyrap I hate to do/am too lazy to do.

  22. I am a shitty housewife. My cleaning skills are under par. Granted, I am tidy enough but my house is never as clean as I’d like for it to be. I’m also a shitty grocery shopper. As for dusting things, *psssh* that’s a laugh. My things only get dusted when my mom comes over and runs her finger over how dusty they are. haha.

  23. I will be hiring a house cleaner as soon as my husband has JD after his name instead of LS (lifelong student).
    Money well spent girl.

  24. This seems to be a running problem among bloggers, myself included. Hmmm…What could be causing this? Perhaps it is a danegerous contagious disease. Or maybe it’s genetic, isn’t everythin genetic these days. Cause Lord knows it isn’t the blogging getting in the way. No, it absolutely isn’t the blogging!

  25. LOVE your honesty. And guess what? We suck at all the same stuff :)

    Amen, sister!

  26. Everyone in the world get sick of cleaning…thats great idea of spending Strollerderby money…

    It’s very easy to give advice but implementing is hard…anyway…GTD is a one simple way to get organize…

  27. There’s no better money spent than on a housekeeper. I keep one fully employed. And I love every minute of it. Good for you!!

  28. Bossy often calculates what she could buy if only she’d give up wine. But then the thought of no wine makes her race to the liquor store.

  29. I used to have a housekeeper come once a week. I got so sick of cleaning BEFORE the housekeeper came (picking up all laundry, toys etc.) that I fired her. Now how sick is that?

  30. Money well spent…

  31. It sure isn’t cheap! But well worth it if you find someone good. Enjoy it!

  32. Good for you! Maybe you can get another gig that pays for the wine. Then you’ll be in utopia. 😉

    My youngest may have asthma, we just found out this week, and I swear to God I have started obsessing about how nasty our house is. I grew up in an immaculate home. My mother is the world’s best housekeeper. Now I’m great at surface cleaning and cramming shit into drawers/closets, but I started really pulling furniture out and cleaning under things (who knew you really should occasionally clean under the stove drip pans! OMG. Any way, I’m on a cleaning rampage over here and it ain’t pretty.

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