Traffic Experiment #2 – Audience Participation: A Contest

Do you guys remember when I did the Brad Pitt Butt Traffic Experiment?

For those of you that are new I will fill you in – I was (am still am) amazed by how many hits I get on this blog for people searching for “Doodlebops without makeup”. I decided to see what would happen if I wrote something that I thought would generate a lot of hits. I chose Brad Pitt’s butt.dee dee doodle without makeup

It was a failure. Sure, people search for it occasionally, but apparently Brad’s ass has nothing on the Doodblebops unmasked or hermaphrodite midget porn. I still get a ton of traffic from both of those search terms.

DeeDee Doodle     ————————————————->

What is wrong with this country.

Now – mostly out of boredom, I have decided to try another traffic experiment. Here is my problem. I can’t think of a good term. I was going to use a popular tv show, but when I checked the Neilsen Ratings I was so disappointed by what America was watching I changed my mind. Are you people really still watching “Survivor” and “CSI”?

It is time for the audience participation portion. You guys each pick a search term. I will publish them all with a link to you (if you have one). The person who comes up with the term or phrase that generates the most traffic will win a shiny new Sarah and the Goon Squad keychain bottle opener. If the winner already has one I’ll have to get creative. Or you can have another one.

Ready, set, go!

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  1. OK, Brad Pitt’s butt wouldn’t bring up traffic because so many other people write about it that you would be a blip on the radar.
    First it has to be something that people would be interested in that not that many people follow report on or post about:
    chocolate chip cookies
    then something weird about them:
    Do they make me fart?
    So:

    Chocolate Chip Cookies that make you fart, poot, toot or pass gas

  2. OK…I only talked about this once, but I get the most hits from asshole bleaching or bleaching your asshole. Gross, huh? 4-year-old soccer has been a consistent one as well.

  3. “Under my skirt” drew alot of interest at my place, even though the story nehind the post was so benign. Worse though, is “fat naked chick” and “fat pregnant naked chick”. Yeah, I know.

  4. Well, the name of my blog contains the word “taste”…so I get most of my searches from people looking for all kinds of fun stuff. Mostly something about ‘vagina taste’…but just today so far I’ve gotten ‘girls tasting ass’ and ‘taste of female piss’.

    Yeah. So I suggest anything disgusting with the word “taste” in it.

    Or boobs. I get lots of hits for ‘tig ol bitties’ and ‘double d boobs’.

  5. I am currently king of the Google world with “daddy and babysitter sex” so hands off that one. How about “Can you get high from smoking a hemp skirt?” And then can you find an answer, because I’m jonesing pretty bad over here.

  6. Boobs is always a classic.

    I also have to say that I’ve been getting a TON of traffic from a post I wrote while I was watching the Heroes premier.

    …try anal bleaching…[I don’t mean actually trying; you know what I mean]

    I was shocked at the traffic from that one.

  7. I’m rooting for “duct tape prom dress”. There are a lot of crazies out there, you know. I got a hit from “my daughter naked” the other day. {shudder}

  8. Hmmmmm…..I’m gonna go with Reindeer Poop.

  9. You totally need to combine terms for greatest effect: Ahmadinjead Uses iPhone to Take Picture of Britney’s Boobs, Bleached Ass and Sends Taste to Lindsay Lohan, Plus Posts on MySpace. (Trust me on the Iran connection. I’ve got sources: http://buzz.yahoo.com/.)

  10. Wow, if I knew how to do this I would have a lot more traffic.

    How about something with Disney teen stars being naked and/or pregnant.

    Pregnant Miley Cyrus and Nude Vanessa Hudgens in sex tape scandal with gay Zac Efron and Kim Possible.

  11. Removing Vongo

    #1 hit generator on my site. I get more hits from that then I do everything else combined.

    Hmmmm, what about “Yo Gaba Gaba! scares me”

  12. Do grasshopper legs taste like chicken?

  13. edible underwear panties red.

  14. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    Let’s see….poltergeist….anal rampage….Tampa Bay…..OK, got it.

    “is my ass haunted by pirates?”

  15. My most popular search term is from a post I wrote last year, and it’s “baby names that end in Y” You are welcome to try it :)

  16. Sarah you should try outing Marsha and Jan Brady as lesbians.. it sure helped my traffic.

  17. Try something to do with moms that make their sons wear dresses or panties, or husbands that wear panties. Using the word forced in these sentences will help out alot, you know “forces son/husband to wear panties/dresses”.

  18. hmm how about catapult pumpkins or catapult midgets or is Sara Sidle dead. That should get some hits tonight anyway.. ummm… homemade dildo ? i’m out. hopefully something works for u!

  19. I submit “poop on boobs” and “snuggle boobs feast”

    I have twins, I get two entries. :)

  20. Taste Like Crazy cracks me up. I do like Papa Bradstein’s idea on the combining of phrases. I’m thinking something along the lines of “Bush visits Britney’s breastfeeding pictures in Facebook.”

  21. I had this one the other day:

    was mr rogers in prison

    But this has generated the most traffic recently:

    sharp shooting crotch pain

  22. My most constant hits are from “weeing her pants” and “aunty’s breast milk”. I did once write about seeing a lady weeing her pants but I have never written about my aunty’s boobs, ever.

    So I pick aunty’s breast milk, because imagine how many hits you’d get if you actually HAD written something about it!

  23. I changed my mind. How about “AOL is a virus”?

  24. Anything with the Wiggles.

  25. I’ve started a new blog so my stats are pathetic but my old blog used to get hundreds of hits from people searching for:

    Huge lactating nipples

    This week I’m getting hits from:

    how to deal with my idiot ex-husband.

  26. I did a post about a wedding party where they all had huge boobs and I still get search terms for “Double D’s” and “Ginormous boobies” all the time. Many of those searches come from our South American friends…it’s a global fetish.

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