Fine. Sit in your own feces. See if I care.

My kids still aren’t potty trained.

As a bonus, they are reluctant to let me change their Pull Ups. I mean, I go out of my way to buy the kind with “cool alert” hoping that they will be uncomfortable and want to change.

Anyway, we had a big morning where we ran a bunch of errands. The Squad were basically pretty good so I took them through the McDonalds drive-thru (I feel stupid typing thru, but that is how they spell it) and so as a direct result both kids pooped in their pants within twenty minutes.

Then they don’t want to change their Pull-Ups.

This drives me crazy. I ask them 50 times to get a pair of underpants or a new Pull-Up so that we can get them changed. I even accused them of being super stinky.

Finally, I was so frustrated that I said “Do you want to change your pants or do you want to sit in your own feces all day?”.

And of course I get this answer from my daughter.

“We want to sit in our own feces.”

There is a sentence I never thought I would hear.

So now my children are sitting in their own crap (or probably standing if you want the truth) and I am sitting here, feces free, telling the entire internet about it.

I am an excellent parent.

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  1. when my daughter was ready to be toilet trained she told us by taking her diaper off, putting it on the floor (in the living room, natch) and then defecating on it. She only did this if someone we wanted to impress was over.

    PS – you are an excellent parent, you are an excellent parent with quirky kids.

  2. Hey, it was their choice. Maybe this will be the thing that works, when they realize “hey, sitting in feces *isn’t* as great as it sounds. Maybe mom was on to something”.

    At the very least you get a small break from looking at someone else’s poop.

  3. oh sarah – i remember way past zoe was day-potty-trained she absolutely loved her night pullup and she would pee in it and go ahhhh…. and be so happy. go figure!

  4. That cool alert thing never worked for us. The Beaner seemed to *enjoy* the sensation.

  5. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    After asking a question like that, did you really expect any other answer?

  6. Do you have any idea how hard it is to laugh when your vocal chords are swollen to the size of mini-Nerf footballs?

    The damn title made me cough for 10 minutes.

  7. Well, at least it’s their own feces, and not someone else’s.

  8. I love it.

    Finally, a mommy I can relate to. Wink, wink.

  9. i’m so glad that i am finally out of the changing of the diaper/pull-up/poop-ridden mess of underwear. my oldest son refused to potty-train until he was 4 1/2. I mean, absolutely refused. Until, he had the stomach flu and he had action on both ends. Finally, he took off his mess of a pull up, sat on the toilet…holding a trash can (so he could vomit) and told me that he never wanted to wear pull-ups again!
    Anyway…very funny post. I’ve only been out of the diaper changing thing for about 6 months…but, i still have to wipe poop infested butts!

  10. Ah this brings back a memory or two. And I don’t blame them. Changing out of a pull-up is tricky business…I know they rip off at the sides, but still…it’s not like a diaper.

  11. On the bright side, she has an amazing vocabulary! 😉 Sorry — I really do feel your pain.

  12. I feel your pain. I really truly do.

  13. I have the same problem and I’m an excellent parent. So that means you are too.

  14. That filled my heart with a little glee just to read it. My best story is about my neice, I don’t have my own yet. My neice was in the tub with my sister on the floor next to her and myself sitting on the closed toilet seat. She kept scratching her butt crack and front. When my sister pulled her out of the tub onto the rug, my neice turned to me, spread her cheeks fully and said “Get the inside, Aunt Stephie, Get the inside!” Needless to say I did not get the inside.

  15. You seem like an awesome parent. Unfortunetly, they outnumber you. Good luck.

    PS. I’m sure you don’t need the advice…but when my niece started doing that kind of stuff, my sis put her back in diapers. Baby diapers. And emphasized the baby part all the time. Within two days, she was happy to just use the potty.

  16. I had to read the post over because initially I thought you were at the McDonadl’s the drive thru, but instead of driving thru, you were typing thru and this somehow made you feel stupid.

    Admittedly this threw me. Now who’s stupid? Me.

  17. I’ll ask Miles if he pooped and he’ll look at me and say “Poo” and then SOB……
    it’s hysterical.

    And then I change him – whether he likes it or not.

    Mine fight a lot now. Tough noogies to them.

  18. If it makes you feel better, I read the title as “Sit on your face” Maybe I’m a worse parent..

  19. At least you’ve got the communication down. I’m still working on that one.

  20. They’ll be sure to show their therapist this post one day, I’m sure.

  21. Mine isn’t potty trained, either, and hates diaper changes. It drives me insane that she’d rather sit in that stink than be changed. Although she’s never outright told me that like yours.

  22. LOLOLOL!!!! I laughed when I read her response! Too cute.
    My are not toilet training yet but will tell me when thay have a poo. I’ll ask them if they want a change and they will look at me, as if they are seriously considering my question, and reply ‘no’.
    Go figure. I guess you begin and end life the same way… sitting in your own faeces.

  23. my boys scream like a banshee every time I change their nappies too – what is it with kids… very funny though.

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