On Children and Vaginas

I have no idea what I was thinking.

I have always tried to be completely honest with my kids but I think maybe babies coming out of vaginas may be a more on a need to know basis for small children.

Let me back up a little bit.

When my children were old enough to ask where babies came from I simply told them. The thing is I think maybe they were too young to remember but they still have a vague idea. Now questions randomly pop up and I try to answer them in a straightforward fashion.

I had twins. They were born by c-section. When they asked me how they got out of my uterus I paused. It seemed so gory, but it was true. I said

the doctors cut you guys out of me.

Then I showed them my scar and how it healed up.

I thought they would freak out but instead they started talking about when my daughter fell on the sidewalk and scraped her knees and they healed.

Excellent.

But today they asked me to tell them the story about when they were born.

I can’t even remember why I went there but for some reason I felt compelled to tell two four year olds that most babies were born by coming out of their mother’s vaginas.

Oh! I remember. We were talking about the birth canal.

Good lord. In retrospect I should have just turned on the television.

So then there were questions about our friends.

Is [insert pregnant friend here]’s baby going to come out of her pagina?

Probably.

And you saw Eric come out of Tammy’s pagina?

Yes. Yes I did. And it is Va-gina. Vuh, vuh vagina.

So yes, I am apologizing to any pregnant person we run across. If my children ask you about your vagina it may sound rude, but at least it is accurate.

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  1. Am now DYING to see the squad, just so I can be asked the question.

    This is so funny I can’t stand it.

  2. Wait till they ask how the baby got in there? Fun times.

  3. I can only imagine the things my two are going to come up with. Right now the worst they have is I GO PEE PEE in public.

  4. My older two want to be at this baby’s birth. I kept alluding to the fact that they may not actually want to see the baby come out and they didn’t seem to get it. Finally I said “You guys do remember where babies come out, right?” and they both got that “OH YEAHhhhhhh” look on their faces.

  5. Michael once asked me if he “drank my milk.” And I went into this long drawn out story about how I tried to nurse and he wouldn’t and I had to give him bottles and I was sorry and then I just looked at him and said yes. It was just easier.

  6. I always find myself strolling into TMI land :) The other day we were wistfully talking about a baby brother (they did NOT want a baby sister – they are getting neither :) My 5YO asked how babies got here. “They get in mommy’s tummy and then they come out of her bagina” says his brother (he’s 6). When I chuckled he said “well, that’s right isn’t it?” Sure is :)

  7. “Storks. Magic storks. Magic, evil storks. That’s how you got here.”

  8. LOL…my kids know babies come out of vaginas too. It will lose its novelty after awhile

  9. My sister showed her two boys anatomical pictures of what the baby in her tummy looked like. After that, they repeatedly pulled up her shirt, looking for the window that showed the baby.

  10. I’m dying to tell you a story about our son walking in when I was delivering his sister but I’m kind of new here and I don’t want to be banned!

    Hugs!!

  11. So you know you’re going to get twice the number of comments just because you used the “V” word. Cheap trick. I also had c-sections and have successfully avoided this particular conversation. I wonder how old my girls will be before they learn the truth and who they’ll hear it from…?

  12. You had me at vaginas…. :)

    I’ve taken the other approach-
    my son assumed that I had a penis til about a year ago –
    when I told him that girls have vaginas-
    He said okay and hasn’t asked me anything since… COOL!

  13. This is awesome. I think it’s excellent that you’ve been honest with them. I cringe when I hear of storks and weird little pet names for Vagina. Lame!

  14. When I was little, my mom was always very honest with me about where (and how) I came out, but when she showed me her c-section scar, it was usually followed by “you did this to me.”

    Sidenote: this post is sure to bring in some interesting google traffic.

  15. Alright, I delivered our 2nd child at home, on my hands and knees. Our son walked in our room just before his sister was born. About a week later our son said that his sister was “stinky.” I said “Why did you say that?” Our son said “Because I saw her come out of your butt!”
    LOL!! Try explaining the difference to a 2 yr old boy! :)
    Aren’t you sorry?

    Hugs!!

  16. Dear lord. You’re a good mom. And a brave one.

  17. LOL! We have different issues since both girls are adopted. My 6-year-old knows that most babies come out of their mother or birthmother’s vagina. One day, I was feeling sentimental and explained to her that even though she didn’t grow in my body, she grew in my heart.

    To this beautiful compliment, she says, “Ohhhh mom that’s so gross!”

    Gee thanks, honey.

  18. I think you’re right to do it but then my oldest two were at the birth of our third and all three were at the birth of our fourth so they kinda had to know! They don’t usually bring it up too loudly in public!

  19. Oddly, this is precisely the nature of my post today. Which isn’t up yet. But that’s because I actually *have time* to revise.

    It’ll be up soon, and then we can marvel over our bizarre mommyblogger sympatico. ;-}

  20. Thankfully I have a few more years before the great vah-vah-vagina talk.

  21. I’d have more of a fear of them talking about it at Show and Tell.

  22. I have a friend( yes a friend and no not really me saying it’s my friend, it is my friend. If it were me, I would not pretend to be my own anonymous friend.) and her daughter pronounced it “China.” Then another of our friends adopted a baby from China.

    For a while all of us felt like we were playing “Who’s on first” with that kid and her “China” questions. China the country or China the body part. Oy!

  23. oh and “it” would be Vagina. I am not afraid to say Vagina.

    VAGINA!

    That is all.

  24. Just so you know, I made the mistake of telling my daughter about this when she was four also. It was a mistake, because by the time she was seven she forgot all of it and I had to tell her again. And now that she’s 10? You guessed it. I’ve had to sweat out that stupid conversation three different times.

  25. Honestly, I think it is good. I mean, kids are smart, they realize it has to come out somehow. Better them asking about someone’s vagina instead of when they’re going to poop the baby out.

  26. When my son was maybe 8 or 9 he asked what “humping” meant, so I did my best to explain it to him. The problem was that instead of just “answering the question” I felt compelled to give a little background and color to it which resulted in a full on “penis goes into vagina” conversation. THEN my then 11 or 12 yr old daughter asked something about our conversation and the boy explained it all to her, much to her disgust and my amusement.

    My wife was not pleased.

  27. I would rather have a child KNOW the truth than to GUESS and make their own assumptions! Your kids crack me up!

  28. Devra, ours call it a ‘china’ too and the summer olympics caused MUCH hilarity.

  29. If they get the pronunciation right they’ll be one up on me.

    I’m in my fifth decade and have birthed four kids, but for some reason it comes out “vaJANa” whenever I go to say it.

    VagIna. VagIna. VagIna.

    Sigh. One day I’ll get it.

  30. My oldest told everyone in a busy restaurant on a Friday night that I was going to have a baby and it was going to come out of my China.

    If only…

  31. I will neither be shocked, upset or feel it rude when your children ask if it is coming out of my vagina. I expect it. I’ve known you entirely too long.

  32. LOL. I’m totally bringing Mama over so I can hear this in person.

  33. My 3 yo was at his mom’s head when she birthed our daughter last month. The only problem was that he wanted to hold her right away (while she was still attached to the placenta). It was great, actually.

  34. Almost equally awful: the conversation I got to overhear this morning between Dan and Max during the overnight Pull-Up disposal/potty break.

    It involved an explanation of morning wood.

  35. Too funny. We had to deal with this too, I had a similar explanation since my older two were regular deliveries, my twins were a c section and I did show the older kids the scar. But my kids now say ‘gina, and make ‘gina jokes along with dick/poop/fart jokes. I scold them for it but it is funny!

  36. I made the same mistake too and it is going to come back and bite me again when we tell them that number 3 is on the way.

  37. When Ada asked how the babies would come out I talked about them coming out through my vagina, but then got nervous that she’d worry that they’d fall out, so I clarified that there was in essence a little door that would open when they were ready and not until then. Not sure yet when the door metaphor will come back to bite me. Hopefully she won’t ask to see the keys.

  38. too cute. i’m 25 weeks along and i’d totally get the giggles if i encountered your squad.

    totally reminds me of when i was 5 and my parents explained how the baby in her ‘tummy’ was made. they found me, later that day, in a bed, under the covers with the neighbor boy, “making babies” (albeit fully clothed). the neighbor parents weren’t terribly happy with mine!

  39. LOL, I think you handled it really well! My kids ask me every now and then, but I do thing like turn on the radio, say “hey, who wants to watch Spongebob” (a show I hate), hand out candies, etc. I guess I should just bite the bullet and give them the vagina talk already. They are teens after all. KIDDING!!! 7 and 4!

  40. this story is AH-MAZING. also the comment about the “stinky” sister. i’m crying.

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