Back Door Friend

I’ve been known to drink a beer or two (or eight) every now and then.* I love beer and I love wine. I even love some mixed drinks, but they don’t so much love me.

This is not my point. What I was going to say is that I come by it honestly. My mother’s entire family are pretty solid drinkers. This tends to get me in trouble when I hang out with my cousins.

So one night I was drinking (heavily) with my cousins and we had to get up early the next morning. We had a pre-wedding get together. I wasn’t hungover exactly, but I certainly wasn’t at me best. When we got to the shower the hostess offered us a mimosa. Not to be the type of person to turn down such an offer I accepted.

Here is the thing with champagne in the morning after a long night of drinking: after about a half a glass I was buzzed again.

I need to give you this back story to justify my behavior.

This was the first time I had been to the house of these people. They are very nice upstanding people. The bride’s whole side of the family are lovely upstanding Christian people. Our side, not as much.***

I hope you understand that I have been forthcoming that I possess the maturity of a 12 year old boy when I tell you that when I saw this plaque hanging by their garage door I laughed until I was doubled over and crying.


It was the kind of laughter where no actual sound was coming out.

That is when my Dad walked into the kitchen.

I think he thought there was something wrong with me. Probably because I was weeping and gasping. When he asked me what was the matter all I could do was point was point and wheeze.

I believe his exact words were “Nice, Sarah”.

My parents are very proud of me.

Fast forward about ten years. I am actually a grown up with my own house and children and a job and everything. I had just successfully convinced my kids to clean their rooms. I was feeling pretty good. My deadlines had been met, the house was clean (ish) and I was ready for my evening fantasy football draft and neighborhood birthday party. Then I heard knocking.

I went downstairs to the front door.

Nobody was there.

Yet, still there was knocking, as of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

I found the kids. They weren’t hitting anything. The cats were sleeping. I was starting to feel crazy and I asked the kids if they heard knocking.

“‘Tis some visitor,” I muttered.

And then I looked out my back door and it was no bird. It was my new neighbor. She is going into Kindergarten this week just like The Goon Squad and she was coming over to play.

About ten minutes later there was another knock, and this time I was prepared and I went to the kitchen door first.

It was the new neighbor mom and she was looking for her daughter.

I think I actually have my own back door friends.

And now I understand the sign.**

Back door friends really are best. I think it is the idea that there are no formalities.

Then my new neighbor brought me a beer. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

*In fact I once had a friend nickname me “Tip ‘Em Back Sarah”.  It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

** Not to infer that I really thought these people were advertising sodomy.

Also their sign said “Back door friends are the best kind” but I couldn’t find an image of one with the exact wording.

*** It was the same day my cousin set something on fire while changing a baby’s diaper and my Aunt said something about being a non-practicing Agnostic  just as the minister walked around the corner.

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  1. I think that sign is also a name for a movie…somewhere on the internet… does your fantasy Football temas look this year?

  2. I would have laughed at that sign even if I was sober!

    Another bad one: Over the weekend my sister-in-law got married. I was texting her trying to figure out where the rehearsal dinner/party was going to be and asked if the house was in the same neighborhood as their rabbi. She replied “it’s in the same cul-de-sac. hehehe “sac”‘

  3. Awesome! Love the signage – the story – and the new neighbor!

  4. I had that no sound laughter reading this…I would have thought the EXACT same thing reading that sign, probably worse if I’m buzzed. And given my inside voice has Tourette’s, I probably would have said something!

  5. My grandma had that plaque in her house for years and she so meant it. (in the nice way, wow I’d never even thought of the alternative. Thanks!) No one came in the front door unless they were walking up that side of the street or they were the mailman. However, she did spend a lot of time on the front porch and you were in the club if you hung out there too. You’re right about the no formalities thing. We don’t know what those are in our family really.

    How cool you have someone close who’s going through a similar transition and who also comes with beer. I really need one of those. It’s so nice when people show up just when we need them. It happened to me recently. I think you know her. 😉

  6. OMG. I laughed till I cried. That was the funniest fucking thing I have seen. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    And now I can never go to a craft fair again with my mother with out pissing myself laughing. Because we all know that sign is all over those craft fairs!

    Ah… good laugh. And good luck with the football this year!

    Queen of Feisty

  7. I need that sign. My husband and I still giggle every time we see a Rick Steves book or tv show called “Europe Through the Back Door.”

  8. If I had been there and there was booze involved, you know that not only would I have laughed at the sign, I would have teased the homeowners and asked them to introduce me to these backdoor friends of theirs winkwinknudgenudge.

  9. I must admit…I laughed out loud when I read the title of your post, let alone the entire thing. Ha!

  10. OK, this one time, at my husband’s grandmother’s house . . . His Nana was quite proper all the time, and didn’t really understand us crazy kids. She was telling a story about the New People across the street, and that last Saturday night, their teenagers were with friends, and they were all THROWING UP IN THE CUL DE SAC! She was clearly vexed and miffed and in high dudgeon when she said that, and Rick and I started laughing and couldn’t stop. I still don’t know what was so funny about it, but we still repeat it to each other 30 years later and it still cracks us up. (Nana was not amused.)

  11. There is no laughter quite as fulfilling as forbidden laughter.

  12. I take it that it’sn ot the same neighbor who was raking your leaves?

  13. Ha, that sign would have cracked me up, sober or not.

    If anyone came to my back door I would call the cops. Does that make me unfriendly?

  14. I’m not even sure our front door opens. Everyone uses the side door, except for the people who come in through the laundry room. It’s a regional thing.

  15. Too freakin funny. I really should have looked at the title to realise that it would be inevitable that I was going to laugh until I cried.

  16. LOL! :) Our backdoor is fenced in and never gets used, but most of our close friends know to come in through the garage, so I guess that’s as close as it gets at our house…

  17. TEEHEE. I’ll be your back door friend, Sarah.

  18. Erm, I had the same reaction just reading the title of your post..I hadn’t even gotten to the sign yet.

  19. You crack me up.

    So are we gonna have a celebratory Our Kids are in Kindergarten! breakfast sometime next week??

  20. I think it’s a movie on 598. I thought you actually took the picture! If it happened recently, you would have.

  21. this post has awesome written all over it!

  22. Still laughing…

  23. Too much information alert, and you are either going to feel honored or grossed out: Last night while the huz and I were ‘cozying’ up to one another, he made a playful comment that brought this post to the forefront of my mind. I ended up in hysterics throughout most of our foreplay.

  24. Ha. I love you.

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  1. […] It may have taken ten years, but Sarah and the Goon Squad learned the “other” meaning of one colloquial expression of friendship – Backdoor Friends. […]