I’m not exactly sure how it all came about but somehow Devra and I had gotten to talking about hats with horns and I said I wanted a hat with red horns and ear flaps.
Then I forgot all about it until Monday.
On Monday my doorbell rang and it was the UPS guy with a package. The package contained this:
The awesomest hat that ever was.
It has red horns and ear flaps and it is fleece on the inside. The strings that come down on the sides have pointy triangles at the ends so they look like devil tails.
I love this hat.
Sure I look like a maniac when I wear it in public, but this way nobody ever bothers me.
There is just one problem.
My son is terrified of this hat.
I blame the puppet devil.
I honestly don’t know how the son of an Atheist mother comes to fear the devil so much. I have always thought that a huge part of the problem with organized religion was that some of it is so scary – you know, like smiting and plagues and eternal hellfire and whatnot.
But Ian is scared of the devil and he doesn’t want me to wear my hat at all.
Clearly, I just wear it when he is not around, but I feel bad for him.
I tried to explain that it was just Mommy in a hat with horns, I was not the puppet devil or any devil for that matter but it didn’t really make him feel any better.
It isn’t just this either. The other day he was crying because I was singing “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” and somehow he translated that into me saying the sun was going to blow up and so he couldn’t sleep.
We try to tell Ian not to worry about stuff like this. I assume if the sun exploded we would probably all die so quickly that it wouldn’t matter, but I tell him that if the sun was going to explode the scientists would already know about it and they are watching it and it isn’t going to explode any time soon, plus it is a huge ball of burning gasses already and so it couldn’t possible explode.
I have no idea what is actually true. I just don’t want him to be afraid anymore.
How do you quell irrational fears in a five year old? Hell, how do I stop the rational ones?
I’m still going to wear my hat, just not in front of my son.