She yelled “You always make me clean up my room and you get to do whatever you want!”
And that is when I lost it.
I am folding laundry. Do you think that this is what I like to do? I get to do whatever I want? If I get to do whatever I want then why am I folding somebody else’s underwear? Is that what you think I want to be doing right now? I hate this! I hate laundry! I hate it that I don’t know what to make for dinner. I hate it that I ask you to do things and you never ever do them without having a fit. I hate it that I can’t tell you to come come home for dinner without a scene. I hate it that you tell me how mean I am every day. I hate it that no matter how often I pick up this place is always a mess and no matter who left their legos in the hall or their raincoat at the top of the stairs it is always my fault that our house is so messy. I get to do what I want? THEN WHY I AM FOLDING YOUR LAUNDRY?
But then I felt bad. No, I don’t want to fold laundry. I don’t want to make dinner. I don’t want to pick up the family room, but that isn’t my daughter’s fault.
Yes, I am mad that she has a temper tantrum at 5:00 every night. I am frustrated that I have to wash her sheets five times a week because she “forgets” to wear a pull up. I am frustrated that I wrote seven articles today and I still hear about how things will be different “when I get a job”.
I don’t know why I am so angry this week. We have had a very busy month, but it hasn’t been bad, it has just been hectic. I know I am busy. I know I am probably hormonal, and I know that I am justified in being angry that my six year tells me how bad I am at being a mom every single day.
I just wish I hadn’t yelled at her like that.
I am going to go apologize, I am going to take a deep breath and then I am going to finish folding the laundry.