Vampires Aren’t the Only Things That Suck

I know that I am about 114 years late to the party, but I am currently reading Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”.

I would like to be able to claim a great love for Gothic fiction, but the truth is that the narrative can be a bit slow. Stoker wrote the entire novel as correspondence or journal entries which is really cool as a writing exercise, but at times it can be tedious to read.

Especially when in my head all of Jonathan Harker’s entries are in Keanu Reeves’ voice in my head.

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  1. When I read that book after seeing the movie, I totally heard all the characters in the actor’s voices. So distracting.

  2. When I read that book after seeing the movie, I totally did the same thing. So distracting.

  3. The Hopkins voice doesn’t bother me so much, but the Keanu Reeves is driving me nuts.

  4. Yeah, it’s not really a well-written piece of literature. Tedious is an excellent description of how it reads.

    Question, whose British accent is worse, Reeves in Dracula, or Kevin Costner in Robin Hood? Discuss.

  5. Both really, really bad.

    I’d have to think about which is worse.

  6. Winona does a pretty shockingly bad job too. I just finished rereading this book; I guess when I was younger I never noticed the rampant xenophobia and terror of the sexualized woman (not to get all gender-studies-y.) I did think I loved it when I was a young lass, though.

  7. If you think reading Dracula takes dedication, try reading “Pamela” sometime. Same epistolary style (I think it was the first novel to use it, actually) and runs 523572956257287525 pages long. I only read the damn thing because I was dared to.

  8. I first read “Dracula” in high school while babysitting for some kids on a night that was literally dark and stormy with thunder and lightning and flickering lights and coyotes going nuts and howling outside.

    I kept falling asleep.

    I am a fan of vampires, too! I felt like such a punk for years. Here’s this great novel and ugh. But I am not alone in finding it a bit… lacking.

    (I did eventually finish it, mostly out of a completionist urge.)

  9. Yeah, Keanu… Can’t really act (loved him in Speed though – loved the entire film, actually), and certainly can’t do a British accent, but I do find his Harker voice hilarious.
    Worst British accent? I’d probably have to go with the classic Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins – it’s horrendous!
    Kevin Costner didn’t bother me – it was so very un-British I just assumed he hadn’t tried!
    Best accent? Russell Crowe got stick for his Robin Hood accent, but I thought it was great!

  10. I know WHEAH the BAHstahd sleeps!

    OMG LOL.

  11. Just finished “Bite Me” by Christopher Moore, the sequel to “You Suck.” Now THAT is fine vampire literature, and should be required reading.

  12. Apryl's Antics says:

    Question: Is Dracula as hot in the book as Gary Oldman was? Not the weird samurai hair head Gary Oldman, but the sexy, John Lennon glasses wearing Gary Oldman?

  13. this is my first visit and I just wanted to stop by and say HI.

  14. I’m so sorry Keanu ruined it for you! I admit I’m a big fan. I read it one really cold January in Wisconsin in my early twenties and I was really into it. I liked how all the separate narratives ultimately come together in the end. Keep at it. I swear it’s worth it!

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