Yesterday I got an apology that was 22 years overdue.
Sort of out of nowhere (sort of not, Facebook and old pictures stir up dusty old memories that we’ve worked so hard to suppress) a guy that dicked me over in 10th grade sent me an apology.
A boy that cheated on me in 1989 apologized to me yesterday.
Wrap your head around that.
He said “…and not that it matters much now, should of been said many, many years ago but I am truly sorry Sarah if I ever hurt you, treated you disrespectfully or rudely. I can only claim complete and utter immaturity. Believe me, I wish I would have made better choices back then.”
And I say OF COURSE it matters now. Of course it does.
Apologies always matter.
Facebook is so weird. A friend once said that Facebook was evil. That there are some people who are just supposed to disappear out of our lives forever. I think she is probably right. Some skeletons should just stay in closets. Some memories are too painful. Some people affect us in crazy ways.
When I was 23 I dated a guy that was all wrong for me. We were both really busy and when I went to the movies one night and he was there with another girl that was the end of that. We did have that conversation afterward just for closure and also because I had a book that he wanted back, but what I remember most about that whole relationship was telling him that when I was with him I didn’t like myself. And it was true. He made me that crazy, raving girlfriend who guys have in buddy movies. He turned me into that yelly thing that everyone hates.
I am not friending that guy on Facebook.
The thing is that apologies do matter. The guy who apologized to me yesterday is a good guy that made bad decisions when he was 18, or at least one bad decision.
I was way hotter than the other girl.
We all make poor choices and I forgive him. I was stupid when I was a teenager too. I am not that great at forgiveness, but his apology seemed genuine and maybe even like something he had been thinking about for a while. Either way, it seems like a weight off of my shoulders that I hadn’t even realized I was still carrying around.
Now I can let go of that grudge that was old enough to legally drink and it feels good. We all do stupid things sometimes and saying sorry goes a long way.
Even 22 years later.