Why You Shouldn’t Listen to The Bloggess’ Audio Book With Your Kids in the Car

Audio book

I was so excited when my copy of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened Why You Shouldnt Listen to The Bloggess Audio Book With Your Kids in the Car arrived in the mail. I was psyched because I had preordered it eons ago and people that bought the paper version of the book got theirs earlier. I ordered the audio book because 1) How cool is it that Jenny got to narrate her own audio book? 2) I like audiobooks because I spend a lot of time driving back and forth to grocery stores and 3) I am super lazy.

I put it in my car right away.

My seven year old twins were sitting in the third row of my minivan (shut up) ostensibly to get as far away from me as possible but also probably because they think it makes them look cooler and so I wasn’t that worried that they could even hear what I was listening to when I noticed that they were absolutely silent.

Two seven year olds are never silent, unless maybe they are sleeping or up to no good.

In this case they were listening intently.

Why You Shouldn’t Listen to Jenny Lawson’s New Audio Book with Your Children in the Car – Besides the Obvious Reasons

I could tell for sure when Jenny dropped the F bomb and they started chuckling.

I stopped the CD.

“Do you guys think this is funny?”

“Yeah.” they agreed.

“My friend wrote this and that is her voice reading it. Isn’t that cool?” I said to my rear view mirror.

“Can you turn it back on?” my son asked.

Eh, what is the harm? I thought and then she began telling the story of the magical squirrel.

Without giving too much of the story away, “Stanley the Magical, Talking Squirrel” is about this one time when Jenny’s dad pretended to have a squirrel that understood English and could count but really it was a dead rodent that her father was using as a puppet to mess with his daughters.

It is both funnier and more charming when Jenny tells it, but that is why she has a book and I’m just sitting here at my desk in a towel.

Too much information? Sorry, I always have my best ideas in the shower then I run out here and start typing right away before I forget what I wanted to say. I’m not wearing glasses or contacts either so you can just assume that those are typos and I’m not illiterate.

Once the chapter was over I turned off the radio. “What did you guys think?” I asked.

“That was kind of weird.” said my son.

“She sure knew a lot of bad words when she was eight!” my daughter said.

That, my friends, is a high compliment coming from a child that loves cursing. My kids both think that bad words are about the best thing in the world. The other day my son asked me what my favorite language was and I said “English” and he said that his was “beyond questionable” and then started laughing.

I swear that is 100% true. He is a clever guy.

I am starting to think it is hereditary to love foul language and that my husband and I passed on some weird cursing gene. I credit/blame my mother.

I suppose it is also possible that watching all of those “Deadwood” reruns while nursing could also be responsible for their obsession with colorful language. Really, when you think about it, I should just shut the hell up and be happy that their first word wasn’t cocksucker.

Whenever somebody asks if I am like my blog in real life I say that I am exactly like my blog except I am taller and I curse more. I think it is a pretty accurate description.

I changed the CD to some compilation of punk rock songs which probably had an equal amount of cursing but the lyrics were more obscured by all of the guitars and drums and I think my kids walked away mostly unscathed. While I totally think you should Buy Jenny’s book Why You Shouldnt Listen to The Bloggess Audio Book With Your Kids in the Car because it is screamingly funny, I would not recommend listening to it in the car with your kids unless they are grown ups.