There is Nothing Metal About Crying

Yesterday I told Twitter that Claudia loved grindcore. I wasn’t just making it up either. We were making her a Pandora playlist. She wanted to thumbs up Children of Bodom and Amon Amarth. When I told Gabe this story he said that those bands weren’t grindcore, maybe death core or black metal, but not grindcore. […]

Okay, but what should I do with all of the poop and pee?

And the Award for Least Mature Parent Goes To…

As I was putting Ian to bed last night I saw something blue on his forehead. “What is on your forehead?” I said, “Is that toothpaste?” Fortunately (sort of) I had been in the middle of cleaning the kitchen and I had a paper towel in my hand. So I did what any normal mother […]

Back Door Friend

I’ve been known to drink a beer or two (or eight) every now and then.* I love beer and I love wine. I even love some mixed drinks, but they don’t so much love me. This is not my point. What I was going to say is that I come by it honestly. My mother’s […]

Because Implied Bad Words are Hilarious

(found on Clark Kent’s Lunchbox)

By Popular Demand

I received several requests from readers who wanted to know how I made Warren Sapp LOL. I would love to claim tremendous wit or a really great joke. But here is the truth. I’m not proud. But on the other hand, if you were high brow you probably wouldn’t be reading me in the first […]

The Circle of Life

Last night my father taught my son how “pull my finger” works. It isn’t as if he waited until the twins were five to show them, but now Ian has the secret. You have to wait until you actually have to fart. Last night Ian pulled off his first effective job. He rushed over to […]

Why I Don’t Homeschool Devra

Why I Don’t Homeschool

Yes, I spelled poop and made them read it. When they figured it out we laughed and laughed and laughed. Now accepting applications for homeschool spelling deviants. You didn’t get Ian standing near “turd” because we lost the U. Heh, I said turd.

How Do You Do a Kiwi?

Have I mentioned that my kids used to be picky eaters? I suppose they are still fairly picky, but in order to make sure that they don’t grow up to be that one guy who only eats chicken breasts, cheese pizza, plain hamburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches on white bread* we have a rule about […]

PAM Helps You Pull it Off

Possibly the most hilarious ad campaign in years. Pam helps you pull it off. I can only assume this was on purpose. …and is it safe to use for that? I’m asking for a friend.

And There is No “M” in Valentines Day

A lady walks in to an ice cream shop. “May I please have a chocolate ice cream cone.” says the lady. “I’m sorry ma’am,” says the man behind the counter “We don’t have any chocolate.” “Okay.” says the lady “Then I’ll take a scoop of chocolate in a cup.” “Ma’am,” he says “You must have […]