The search term that lead someone to my blog that made me laugh the hardest this week, hands down, is the following:
South Florida Bulls Cornhole.
I know. I know. If there was one little apostrophe I might never stop laughing.
Yes, I know they meant this with the USF Bulls logo on it, but still.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Originally uploaded by Sarah606
I told you people I was immature.
I can’t even make a meatloaf like a grown up. When I make meatloaf it requires a highlighter and a camera.
Ian has started cursing casually.
It isn’t anything truly horrible. He hasn’t used M.F. or C.S. or anything like that, but he has been saying “Dammit!” a lot. This morning he was going with “Crap!” which isn’t exactly a curse word, but it isn’t really appropriate language for a three year old either.
The problem is this - it is funny and he knows it.
I try really hard not to laugh or smile, but it isn’t easy. The other day I said “Damn it, Ian.” (Yes, it is totally my fault.) And he said “Dammit!” and started chuckling.
Chuckling! Then he said “Awwww Christ.”
Then I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. Blasphemy! Out of a three year old! I personally am not offended, but we do have friends that have faith. I can only imagine what his his preschool teacher would think.
I wish I had been able to control myself, but it was really funny. He always says these things with a twinkle in his eye. He knows exactly what he is doing.
I try to explain to him that these are grown up words and they are not appropriate for children and they are not polite. This morning I think I actually told him that he could say that word when he was 18.
I’m the man. Keeping him down.
And he gets it.
And on the way to school this morning he was making up jokes. And the punchline was always “butt”. And he was cracking himself up. Claudia was laughing too.
The jokes didn’t even make sense, but after a while I started thinking they were funny too. I had to quickly change the subject before he went to school and started telling his butt jokes to the other children.
Yeah. He is probably doing that right now.
Crap.
I’m not sure how many of you care about this, but the NFL preseason started last night.
I am giddy. I love watching football. I’m gearing up for my fantasy football drafts. (That’s right. You heard me. Drafts. More than one. Probably more than three, but that is neither here nor there.)
Aaah. Football season. It is the only time of year I get to bring up Najeh Davenport pooping in a laundry basket without seeming like a freak.
Come on. It is funny and you know it.
While we’re on the subject, did you know there was a Poop Report? I blame the potty training for my recent fascination. It isn’t even 9:00 am and Ian is on his fouth pair of underwear. All potty training suggestions are welcome here.
Did any of the rest of you catch it last night when someone (my guess is Cris Collinsworth) referred to Davenport as “the number two receiver”? I heard snickering in the booth. Good times.
Guess who lost her drivers license on an airplane in Missouri yesterday?
That’s right. You heard me. I left my i.d. on an airplane in St. Louis (I blame the Rams).
What kind of idiot loses her drivers license when she knows she has to fly home?
Me and her.
While I openly admit that I am a moron, and I should have put my id away but I am still going to complain. Today I will complain in letter form.
Dear Mary at American Airlines in St. Louis,
Yes. It is my fault that I am too stupid to keep track of my picture identification, however you don’t have to be a dick about it.
I mean - thanks for looking in the seat I ended up in. But you couldn’t check the other seat? It isn’t as if I were playing Chinese fire drill. Your company is the one who cancelled my first flight, that is the whole reason I was in St. Louis in the first place. I was supposed to have a direct non-stop flight to Chicago.
So don’t be a jerk to me. You know the TSA rules. Why do you think it is a totally reasonable to send my only form of photo id to my house by regular mail when YOU KNOW FOR A FACT I AM FLYING TO CHICAGO? You don’t have to roll your eyes at me, you don’t have to ask in your especially sarcastic voice who is going to pay to overnight you license to your hotel?
Because you know what? I am on my way to a blogging conference. I know your job is tough. I know that people come to you with their problems all day long, but your company (American Airlines) is the one who is cancelling all the flights and losing everyone’s luggage.
And I can see your name tag, Mary. Mary at the American Airlines gate in St. Louis. And I am going to tell the whole interweb that you were a jerk to me yesterday.
Suck it, Your Nemesis, Sincerely,
Sarah
Gabe just sent me a link to the Top 25 Car Names That Are Funny When the Word “Anal ” is placed in front of them.
This made me laugh so hard, that I will not only link to it, but I will also give you the entire list here:
25. Frontier
24. Ascender
23. Excursion
22. Diablo
21. Defender
20. Vibe
19. Commander
18. Aviator
17. Trooper
16. Avalanche
15. Odyssey
14. Avenger
13. Prowler
12. Raider
11. Breeze
10. Trailduster
9. Quest
8. Legend
7. Amigo
6. Rodeo
5. Rampage
4. Scoupe
3. Town and Country
2. Probe
1. Ram
Gabe’s favorite is the Town and Country. I’m fond of the Rodeo.
Seriously, Explorer didn’t even make the list? That would be funny. You know what, they are almost ALL funny. Expedition? Applause. Accent. Sonata. Liberty. Escape. Golf.
I swear I could do this all day. Instead, I will feed my children.
When I was at the grocery store yesterday I took this picture on my cell phone.
Then I immediately sent the picture to my husband.
I almost bought it because it really cracked me up, but then I figured it would just taste like regular old chicken broth.
But come on! Cock flavored soup mix? Tell me how that isn’t funny.
Mostly I’m just glad that there weren’t any other adults in my aisle that saw me taking a picture of the thing with my phone.
Of course I have no problem showing the whole internet that I have a very lowbrow sense of humor…
I love kids. Not just my kids. I love most little kids, and I don’t mean that in the Lolita
I was dropping The Goon Squad off at preschool today and a little boy I had never met before came up to me and said:
Hi! My name is Michael. I am five and three quarters. Do you want to see what I can do?
And I knew. I knew immediately just exactly what he was going to show me. Michael shoved his hand up his shirt and into his armpit and made farting noises.
And it was still funny.
Kids are great. How can they be so predictable and so surprising all at the same time?
The Goon Squad and I are watching “Blue’s Clues”. It is an episode about planets and Steve keeps saying “Uranus spins on it’s side” and I can’t stop giggling.
It also makes me feel a little bit squirmy.
I have the maturity of a 12 year old boy. Aren’t you glad you waste your time reading my blog?
Mrs. Chicky tagged me for a Mother’s day meme, so I started this whole lovely post honoring my mom, but then I Mother’s Day came and went and now I feel stupid posting it, so I’m skipping it. (Sorry Mom and Mrs. Chicky)
In fact, while my Mother’s Day was lovely, it was eclipsed by The Goon Squad’s third birthday. I’ll have more pictures later, but first I wanted to show you guys something that just couldn’t wait.
Ian and Claudia had a Dora the Explorer themed cake. This is a picture of the cake topper.
Doesn’t it look like Boots just gave Dora a dirty sanchez?
Gabe thinks it looks like Boots is about to give her a donkey punch.
Ugh. Now go win us each $1000 on blingo. My children are going to need the money for therapy.
