Raising a Liberal in a Red State

The twins were playing with legos and the boy made his lego man a bad guy named Tom. Every time Tom came near Claudia’s lego girl the lego girl would say “Hello, Cutie!” I asked Claudia if she was going to date bad guys. She said “No. I only like to pretend to like bad […]

I Love it When She Sets Me Up

On the day after Snowmageddon 2010 I was supposed to be helping Claudia clean her room. Instead I was taking pictures out of her bedroom window. I was taking pictures of icicles when Ian walked in and said “Is that a bear?” The kids thought I was taking pictures of the large mammal in our […]

Why Sledding Blows

We drive to the hill. My car almost gets stuck in the snow. There is this hill by our neighborhood pool. At the top of the hill there are tennis courts. At the bottom of the hill is the parking lot. This hill must be 45 feet wide and 15 feet up. There are stairs […]

The Weather Outside is Frightful

Actually, the weather isn’t that bad anymore, but the streets in my neighborhood are seriously frightful. And our schools are canceled for the rest of the year. To be completely fair, the kids really only had two and a half days of school this week anyway, but they were three very important days for Christmas […]

Yet Another Question For Which I Have No Answer

“NO IAN” she screams from the hallway “I KNOW BECAUSE I AM A SWIMMING EXPERT!” “Claudia,” I say. “Don’t scream at your brother and you are not a swimming expert.” “Yes I am.” She said. “Claudia, an expert has to…” But that was the end of the conversation. I have no idea what you have […]

They Must Be Learning Something at School

Ian: How do you spell we? Claudia: W – E . Ian: No, not that kind of we. Claudia: W – I – I . Me: agape

The Fairy Debate

We were watching the Bucs getting slaughtered by Jonathan Stewart and the Carolina Panthers yesterday when a commercial came on. Claudia said “Oh I know that song! It is The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy! I love this song. I beamed at my brilliant child for knowing her classical pieces. “Very Good, Claudia!” I […]

There is Nothing Metal About Crying

Yesterday I told Twitter that Claudia loved grindcore. I wasn’t just making it up either. We were making her a Pandora playlist. She wanted to thumbs up Children of Bodom and Amon Amarth. When I told Gabe this story he said that those bands weren’t grindcore, maybe death core or black metal, but not grindcore. […]

Like Mother, Like Daughter

It says “I love metal.” The apple really doesn’t fall too far from the tree, does it?

Don’t put it over the crack, Mommy

Don’t ask me how she did it, but Claudia scraped her butt on a tree. She was wearing jeans and climbing in a tree she knows she isn’t supposed to be in and somehow she has a huge scratch on her ass. I heard her crying outside, but since she has a fit about every […]

Smartassery Begets Smartassery

In kindergarten they have a time at the end of the day where each student can share their thoughts if he or she is so inclined. On Friday, Claudia wanted to share a thought with her class. She told the class that when she was in Florida we went to Busch Gardens and it was […]

Wonderful Wine What?

Mommy, she said. My teacher said I was a wonderful wine weader. That is an alliteration!