The Mystery Bruise

When I was on vacation I ended up with a mystery bruise on my thigh. You know – one of those bruises that you just don’t have any idea where it came from? I was completely clueless, but I had been doing a lot of swimming with little kids and a lot of drinking with […]

Rethinking Your Decision

I know that you people voted almost unanimously for drunken rants from my vacation instead of guest posts, but I just read my last two posts. After I fixed a bunch of spelling errors (at least now my post from yesterday makes more sense – sort of) I began wondering if you aren’t regretting your […]

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

You wanted drunken rants? Go tell Lumpyhead’s Mom happy birthday, even though that jerk made me do a shot when I lost at poker. The Goon Squad made it through the six hour drive. They fell asleep 15 minutes before we got to the house. Hmph. More rants later. I’ve got to get back in […]

I Want to Marry The Kennedy Center

One of the coolest parts about living in this area is that I get to go to shows at The Kennedy Center. I just got back from seeing “The Phantom of the Opera” there. I know you people that live in New York and get to go to The Met or Carnegie Hall and get […]

We’re Back

We’re back.  First I’d like to thank all my guest posters. It is good to know that other people agree that I am not scandalous. And while, yes, I may have passed out in more than one of your cars (if you don’t know what I am talking about you’ll have to go back and […]

Overheard at My Brother’s House

My mom and I were standing in my niece’s bedroom trying to straighten up the disaster that the three kids had made in there this afternoon when I heard the strangest tattle ever. Zoe: (running to Grandma) Ian touched my eye! My Mom and Me (in unison): Eeeeeeeeew. I don’t really think that was the […]

If Cute Could Kill

If cute could kill, I would have died last night when Claudia and her cousin Zoe put on these matching Dora nightgowns. I’m serious. This isn’t even the cutest thing that they did. There was some dancing. I have a cousin that is two years older than me. When we were little I always wanted […]

Spring Break 2007!

Oooh yeah! Spring Break 2007! While, yes, someone vomited in my hotel room it wasn’t from drinking too much and while, yes, there were naked people in the hot tub it was only because Ian and Claudia didn’t have their bathing suits at their cousin’s other Grandma’s house. It cracks me up that two year […]

Overheard in Our Hotel Room

Ian: It’s my birthday. Claudia: No, it’s MY birthday. Ian: MY BIRTHDAY! Claudia: MY BIRTHDAY! Me: YOU ARE TWINS! You have the SAME EXACT BIRTHDAY. Go to sleep! (sigh) It’s been a really long day. They did quite well in the car for about six hours. I really can’t complain about that, but ever since […]

Would You Guys Mind Rooting Against Georgetown?

No offense to Georgetown. I mean – I was born in Ohio, but that isn’t really the problem. The problem is that I am going on a 627 mile road trip tomorrow. It is going to be just the kids and me. We’re going to take two days to make the trek to Atlanta. (Sorry […]

Now I’ve Seen Everything Vol. 3

While I was driving from Ft. Lauderdale to Tampa on I-75 earlier today I saw a dead alligator on the side of the road. It really appeared as if someone ran into it. Can you even imagine how strange it would be to hit an alligator with your car? Nobody would even believe you. I […]

The Problem With Vacation

Besides the obvious fact that I haven’t been posting with any regularity whatsoever, my biggest problem with being on vacation is that I can’t seem to stop eating. Actually eating and drinking. I know that Thanksgiving is a big food holiday, but that was almost a week ago. Ick. All my clothes feel too tight. […]