I maintain that nobody has ever died from cleaning their bedroom.

Can you guys back me up on this?

It appears my time has come to abdicate the Drama Queen crown.

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If you want to see some crazy mixed with bad grammar you should check out the comments on the post I wrote over at MamaPop when Michael Jackson died.

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Does any one here own a ton of Radiohead music?

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I’m looking for a Luke Skywalker Lego man for the boy. Besides ebay, does anyone know where I can get one without buying the $500 Death Star set? We went to the Lego store and they had no Lukes. Ian was traumatized.

Really, we met in 10th grade.

Okay, I don’t really want to talk about the fact that 10th grade was actually 20 years ago, but what I do want to talk about it this – Lori is pregnant with her first child. 

I am giddy. I love babies. I don’t want any more of my own babies but I love other people’s babies. Especially the ones that I can buy weird stuff for without feeling creepy. 

As a bonus, Lori and her husband moved up to my neck of the woods so when the baby is born I will be able to go over to their house whenever I want and hold her, and sing to her, and cuddle her, and smell her little baby head and hand her to one of her parents when she is poopy and then I can go home and sleep for at least seven hours in a row.

Here comes the part I really, really want to tell you about. Even though we all live in the D.C suburbs now, our parents are all still in Florida. A couple of weeks ago Lori’s Mother-in-law threw her a baby shower when she was back home. I couldn’t be there, but since I was driving to Florida to see my parents and my mom was at Lori’s shower and I drove and Lori and Matt flew I brought back some of the bigger shower gifts in my car.

You know the thieving airlines would have charged them a fortune.

Did I mention Lori has a blog? Yes, it is called I’m Not Crazy, Just Well Mixed.

If she isn’t crazy then somebody is going to have to explain this card I got from her in the mail.

See? Crazy. I have been telling people she was nuts since 1989 and now I finally have my proof.

They think I am the greatest comedian that ever lived.

On purpose.

About 50% of the time they will also put their shirts on backwards.

Is this some sort of preschool trend I know nothing about?

Is Kris Kross making a comeback?

Claudia was yelling her head off.

Screaming screaming screaming.

Then they were both screaming.

I practically hung up on Devra and ran into Ian’s bedroom.

Ian met me half way, sobbing.

That usually means he knows he is in trouble. If he was hurt he would have stayed where he was and yelled.

So I assumed Claudia was bleeding or broken or something.

I went into the room and Claudia was clutching her arm.

Oh crap. I thought. Our first broken bone.

But then she yelled “Ian did it!” and I knew there were no real injuries.

“What happened?” I asked.

“It was Claudia!”

“Ian did it!”

Awesome.

“Ian squeezed my arm really tight!”

“Only because Claudia pulled my hair!”

“Because he squeezed my arm!”

So I asked them which happened first.

Ian said “Claudia pulled my hair so I squeezed her arm really tight.”

She hates that.

“So Claudia, you pulled his hair first?” I asked.

“Yes.” she said. “But only because I knew he was going to squeeze my arm.”

My daughter is mean and psychic.

This is going to be a long summer.

Thank you to everyone who checked in on us.

They should be in swimming lessons.
They should be taking Karate.
Ian should be in speech therapy.
The children need their own computer because I won’t ever let them use mine.*
I should pay more attention to the children. I spend to much time on the computer. (I work from home. About 36 – 40 hours a week. The kids aren’t in school right now. At all.)
Claudia needs to be in ballet.
I should be taking the children to the pool/beach/library/park more.

and also

I should get a (real) job.

and also

I should stay here longer. I should come visit more. I should do a family meet up in August and I should come back to Florida in November. I should join a gym. I should spend less money. I should cook more. I should have taken time off of work when I came to visit.

And I promise – I will get right on top of all of this as soon as I can score some clones that shit money and can figure out how to get the kids to leave the house without fighting about putting on their damn shoes.

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* This one came out of nowhere. The kids do use my computer, which, makes it very difficult for me to get any work done because my job is all on the internet.